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Think Twice Before You get That Tattoo

2008-08-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

Removing Tattoos: Who Does It and Why

Study Shows More Women Than Men Decide to Get Rid of a Tattoo

By Kelley Colihan
WebMD Health News

July 21, 2008 -- It seemed a good idea at the time. But you were young, wild, and in love with Roland. Now you are getting married to Ed and you want Roland's name off your right calf.

It seems that when it comes to getting tattoos removed, more women than men go in for the procedure.

Researchers compared results of a 1996 study to a 2006 study looking at how people feel about their tattoos. Participants were people who came to four dermatology clinics in Arizona, Colorado, Massachusetts, and Texas.

The study was led by Myrna L. Armstrong, RD, EdD, of the Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center.

In background information presented with the findings, the researchers write "the vast majority of individuals who are tattooed are pleased with their skin markings (up to 83%)."

Apparently about a fifth are estimated to be unhappy with their tattoos, while "only about 6% seek removal."

In the 2006 study, researchers interviewed 196 tattooed people; 130 of them were women and 66 were men.

The researchers found that today more women (69%) than men (31%) came in to get tattoos removed.

According to the 2006 study, a typical woman who gets a tattoo is between the ages of 24 and 29.

Most women with tattoos are white, college educated, and unmarried. They describe themselves as "risk takers, from stable families, with moderate to strong religious beliefs."

More women are motivated to get the tattoo removed because of pressure from others or social stigma.

The top six reasons both men and women gave for tattoo removal:

58% just decided to remove it.
57% suffered embarrassment.
38% had lowered body image.
38% new job/career.
37% problem with clothes.
25% experienced stigma.

(Do you have tattoos? Have you ever considered having any removed? Talk with others on the Health Cafe board.)

Why People Get Tattoos

The 2006 study shows people get tattoos for these reasons:

44% wanted to feel unique.
33% wanted to feel independent.
28% wanted to bring attention to a particular life experience.

The researchers write that one out of four American adults aged 18 to 30 has a tattoo.

In both studies, the main reason for wanting to get rid of a tattoo was that people had a "shift in their identities," and wanted to do away with the past.

The findings appear in the Archives of Dermatology.

Can Your Job Help You Lose Weight?

2008-07-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

Study Shows Wellness Programs Are Useful Tools for Weight Loss

By Kelley Colihan
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD

June 30, 2008 -- Workplace wellness programs are effective in helping employees lose weight, a research review shows.

Researchers sifted through 11 studies published since 1994, some which were updated in 2006. Most of the programs involved education and counseling to improve diet and increase physical activity.

Some programs offered a health risk assessment and lab work; others provided one-on-one and email counseling. Only one included on-site

exercise sessions, and another added healthy menu items in the cafeteria, along with nutritional information.

The work-site intervention programs lasted a minimum of eight weeks and involved workers aged 32 to 52.

Before and after the start of the work-site intervention the participants had their BMI (body mass index) or weight taken.

Workplace Weight Loss

On average participants lost 2-14 pounds compared to employees not involved in the work-site weight loss intervention programs.

The workers that did not participate either lost an average of 1 and 1/2 pounds, or gained an average of 1 pound.

So do on-the-job weight loss programs work? "For people who participate in them, work-site-based programs do tend to result in weight loss," researcher Michael Benedict, MD, from the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine, says in a news release.

What seems to matter most when it comes to dropping the pounds? The in-your-face approach, according to Benedict. "Programs that incorporated face-to-face contact more than once a month appeared to be more effective than other programs."

However, since the follow-up was slim it was hard to draw conclusions about whether the weight would stay off, Benedict says. From 56% to 100% of the participants finished the studies, which ranged from two to 18 months. "People who participate in these programs can lose weight, but we aren't really sure what happens after that."

In an article that runs alongside the review, authors point out that "65% of adults in the U.S. are classified as overweight or obese."

The researchers add that work-site weight loss programs can provide "unique opportunities for decreasing adult obesity."

The pros:

Emotional support from colleagues.
A structured program can offer opportunities to learn about nutrition and exercise.

The researchers write that employees have been offering more work wellness programs.

According to the researchers, a separate 2003 study showed that "approximately 6% of all U.S. health care costs ($75 billion dollars) were related to excess body weight."

It's not clear how much money employers could save if they offered weight loss programs. "Employers want to know that what they're doing will have a positive return on investment," Benedict says.

Benedict writes that efforts to curb obesity at work can look for success to similar workplace programs, including a drive to help people quit smoking and lower their blood pressure, a win-win for employers.

The researchers admit the data have limits; they call for "vigorous, controlled studies of work-site-based interventions that integrate educational, behavioral, environmental and economic supports."

The research is published in the July-August issue of American Journal of Health Promotion.

2008-07-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

Women: Eat Well, Live Longer?

Diet of Whole Foods Associated With Lower Risk of Death in Women

By Kelley Colihan
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Elizabeth Klodas, MD, FACC

June 23, 2008 -- Eating well is good for us. But can eating a certain way also help you live longer and cut your chances of developing heart disease, cancer, diabetes and stroke?

A new study suggests a link between what women eat and whether they die from certain diseases.

72,000 women, 30 to 55 years old, who had no history of health problems at the beginning of the study. The study spanned 18 years, from 1984 to 2002; every two to four years, the women answered questionnaires about what they ate.

Researchers led by Christin Heidemann from Harvard's School of Public Health and the German Institute of Human Nutrition tracked more than

Two distinct dietary patterns emerged.

Researchers called one pattern the "high prudent" diet. This included lots of vegetables, fruit, legumes, and whole grains, as well as lean protein sources such as fish and poultry.

The other dietary pattern, dubbed "Western," included more red and processed meat, refined grains, french fries, sugary foods, and desserts.

It Pays to Be 'Prudent'

During 18 years of tracking, 6,011 of the participants died.

Women with the most "prudent diet" had a 28% lower risk of dying from heart disease. They also had a 17% lower risk of death from all the diseases studied, including cancer, diabetes, and stroke.

Women who followed a diet highest in meats, processed and refined foods, and sweets had a 22% higher risk of dying from heart disease. They also had a 21% increased risk of dying from all causes combined.

"These results highlight the importance of intensifying public health efforts to promote the adoption of a healthy overall diet including high intakes of vegetables, fruit, legumes, whole grains, fish and poultry and low intakes of red and processed meat, refined grains, French fries and sweets," says Heidemann in a prepared statement.

"Traditionally, there has been a focus on single nutrients or foods, but in terms of longevity a greater focus on dietary patterns can take into account the complexity of the overall diet," Heidemann says.

Healthy Diet, Lifestyle Tips

Here are some lifestyle and diet guidelines from the American Heart Association, which are in line with following a "prudent" diet:

Limit saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol, and sodium.
Minimize sugary foods and beverages.
Eat lots of vegetables, fruits, and whole-grain and high-fiber foods.
Eat fat-free and low-fat dairy products.
Eat fish at least twice a week.
Be physically active and keep weight at healthy levels.
Avoid using or breathing tobacco smoke.
Achieve and maintain healthy cholesterol, blood pressure, and blood glucose levels.

The study is published in Circulation: Journal of the American Heart Association

10 Healthy Foods Under $1

2008-05-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

Most of us don't need to hear it or read it ... we have felt it in our wallets every time we've gone to the grocery store. But just because food prices are rising doesn't mean you can't make healthy food choices.

The good news is that many foods that are good for you are also cheap. Here is our list of the top healthy foods you can find in your grocery store for under a dollar.

Prices may vary based on the store, location, and time of year.

1. Apples

Great for: Snacks, green salads, main dish salads, and fruit salads.

What's a serving? 1 large apple.

Price per serving: About $1. Apples sell for about $1.99 per pound, and an extra large crisp apple weighs about 1/2 pound.

Nutrition Info per serving: 117 calories, 5 grams fiber, 17% Daily Value for vitamin C, and 7% Daily Value for potassium.

2. Bananas

Great for: Snacks and fruit salads, yogurt parfaits, and smoothies.

What's a serving? 1 banana.

Price per serving: About 45 cents. Bananas sell for about $0.89 per pound, and a large banana weighs about 1/2 pound

Nutrition Info per serving: 121 calories, 3.5 grams fiber, 14% Daily Value for potassium (487 mg), 20% Daily Value for vitamin C.

3. Baby Carrots (in bags)

Great for: Snacks, casseroles, stews, veggie platters, and side dishes.

What's a serving? About 1/2 cup or 2 ounces raw.

Price per serving: 19 cents. A 16-ounce bag costs about $1 on sale and contains about 8 servings (2 ounces each).

Nutrition Info per serving: 27 calories, 2 grams of fiber, 200% Daily Value for vitamin A, and 7% Daily Value for vitamin C.

4. Canned Beans

Great for: Green salads, casseroles, stews, and chili. Types of beans range from 50% less sodium kidney beans and black beans to white beans and garbanzo beans.

What's a serving? Each can contains about 3.5 (1/2-cup) servings.

Price per serving: About 28 cents. You can buy a 15-ounce can for about $1 on sale.

Nutrition Info per serving: About 120 calories (for kidney beans), 7 grams protein, 6 grams fiber, and 6% Daily Value for calcium, and 10% Daily Value for iron.

5. Canned Tomatoes

Great for: Italian and Mexican recipes, chili, stew, and casseroles. Flavor options range from no-salt-added sliced stewed tomatoes to diced tomatoes with garlic and olive oil.

What's a serving? One can contains about 3.5 (1/2-cup) servings.

Price per serving: About 28 cents. You can buy a 14.5-ounce can for about $1 on sale (often less for store brands).

Nutrition Info per serving: About 25 calories, 1 gram fiber, 10% Daily Value of vitamin A, and 15% Daily Value of vitamin C.

6. Oranges (extra large navel oranges)

Great for: Snacks, green salads, and fruit salads.

What's a serving? 1 large or extra large orange.

Price per serving: 40 cents for a large orange and 79 cents for an extra large orange. Oranges sell for around $0.79 per pound, and a large orange is about 1/2 pound, whereas an extra large orange is about 1 pound.

Nutrition Info per serving: (for an 8 ounce orange): 106 calories, 5.5 grams fiber, 10% Daily Value for vitamin A, 200% Daily Value vitamin C, 17% Daily Value for folate, 9% Daily Value for calcium, and 12% potassium.

7. Pears

Great for: Snacks, as an appetizer with cheese, green salads, and fruit salads.

What's a serving? 1 large pear

Price per serving: about 45 cents for a large pear. Pears sell for about $0.90 per pound, and a large pear weighs about 1/2 pound.

Nutrition Info per serving: 133 calories, 7 grams of fiber, 16% Daily Value for vitamin C, and 8% for potassium.

8. Lentils (dry)

Great for: Soups and stews, cold bean salads, and casseroles.

What's a serving? 2 ounces (dry)

Price per serving: 14 cents. A 16 ounce bag sells for $1.12 (on sale) and contains eight servings.

Nutrition Info per serving: 195 calories, 14 grams protein, 6 grams fiber, 24% Daily Value for Iron, 10% Daily Value for magnesium and potassium.

9. Pearl Barley (dry)

Great for: Soups and stews, cold salads, and casseroles.

What's a serving? 2 ounces (dry)

Price per serving: About 12 cents. A 16 ounce bag of dry pearl barley sells for about $0.94 and contains about 8 servings.

Nutrition Info per serving: 199 calories, 9 grams fiber, 2.5 grams soluble fiber, 6 grams protein, 8% Daily Value for iron, and 11% Daily Value for magnesium.

10. Yogurt (plain, lowfat, or fat-free)

Great for: Smoothies, yogurt parfait, dips, and dressings.

What's a serving? An 8-ounce or 6-ounce container is usually a serving.

Price per serving: 60 cents. This is usually the price for an 8-ounce container of plain yogurt.

Nutrition Info per serving: (for 8 ounces of fat-free plain yogurt): 130 calories, 13 grams of protein, 45% Daily Value for calcium, plus active cultures such as acidophilus and bifidus.

10Best Foods For Men

2008-05-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

from "Men's Health" Magazine

Want to do your body a world of good? It's as easy as expanding your grocery list

Although some guys aren't opposed to smoking some weed, most wouldn't think of eating one. It's a shame, really, since a succulent weed named purslane is not only delicious but also among the world's healthiest foods.

Of course, there are many superfoods that never see the inside of a shopping cart. Some you've never heard of, and others you've simply forgotten about. That's why we've rounded up the best of the bunch. Make a place for them on your table and you'll instantly upgrade your health -- without a prescription.

1. Beets

These grungy-looking roots are naturally sweeter than any other vegetable, which means they pack tons of flavor underneath their rugged exterior.

Why they're healthy: Think of beets as red spinach. Just like Popeye's powerfood, this crimson vegetable is one of the best sources of both folate and betaine. These two nutrients work together to lower your blood levels of homocysteine, an inflammatory compound that can damage your arteries and increase your risk of heart disease. Plus, the natural pigments -- called betacyanins -- that give beets their color have been proved to be potent cancer fighters in laboratory mice.

How to eat them: Fresh and raw, not from a jar. Heating beets actually decreases their antioxidant power. For a simple single-serving salad, wash and peel one beet, and then grate it on the widest blade of a box grater. Toss with 1 tablespoon of olive oil and the juice of half a lemon.

You can eat the leaves and stems, which are also packed with vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. Simply cut off the stems just below the point where the leaves start, and wash thoroughly. They're now ready to be used in a salad. Or, for a side dish, sauté the leaves, along with a minced clove of garlic and a tablespoon of olive oil, in a sauté pan over medium-high heat. Cook until the leaves are wilted and the stems are tender. Season with salt and pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice, and sprinkle with fresh Parmesan cheese.

2. Cabbage

Absent from most American kitchens, this cruciferous vegetable is a major player in European and Asian diets.

Why it's healthy: One cup of chopped cabbage has just 22 calories, and it's loaded with valuable nutrients. At the top of the list is sulforaphane, a chemical that increases your body's production of enzymes that disarm cell-damaging free radicals and reduce your risk of cancer. In fact, Stanford University scientists determined that sulforaphane boosts your levels of these cancer-fighting enzymes higher than any other plant chemical.

How to eat it: Put cabbage on your burgers to add a satisfying crunch. Or, for an even better sandwich topping or side salad, try an Asian-style slaw. Here's what you'll need.

4 Tbsp peanut or canola oil
Juice of two limes
1 Tbsp sriracha, an Asian chili sauce you can find in the international section of your grocery store
1 head napa cabbage, finely chopped or shredded
1/4 cup toasted peanuts
1/2 cup shredded carrots
1/4 cup chopped cilantro

Whisk together the oil, lime juice, and sriracha. Combine the remaining ingredients in a large mixing bowl and toss with the dressing to coat. Refrigerate for 20 minutes before serving. The slaw will keep in your fridge for 2 days.

3. Guava

Guava is an obscure tropical fruit that's subtly acidic, with sweetness that intensifies as you eat your way to the center.

Why it's healthy: Guava has a higher concentration of lycopene -- an antioxidant that fights prostate cancer -- than any other plant food, including tomatoes and watermelon. In addition, 1 cup of the stuff provides 688 milligrams (mg) of potassium, which is 63 percent more than you'll find in a medium banana. And guava may be the ultimate high-fiber food: There's almost 9 grams (g) of fiber in every cup.

How to eat it: Down the entire fruit, from the rind to the seeds. It's all edible -- and nutritious. The rind alone has more vitamin C than you'd find in the flesh of an orange. You can score guava in the produce section of higher-end supermarkets or in Latin grocery stores.

4. Swiss chard

Hidden in the leafy-greens cooler of your market, you'll find this slightly bitter, salty vegetable, which is actually native to the Mediterranean.

Why it's healthy: A half cup of cooked Swiss chard provides a huge amount of both lutein and zeaxanthin, supplying 10 mg each. These plant chemicals, known as carotenoids, protect your retinas from the damage of aging, according to Harvard researchers. That's because both nutrients, which are actually pigments, appear to accumulate in your retinas, where they absorb the type of shortwave light rays that can damage your eyes.

So the more lutein and zeaxanthin you eat, the better your internal eye protection will be.

How to eat it: Chard goes great with grilled steaks and chicken, and it also works well as a bed for pan-seared fish. Wash and dry a bunch of Swiss chard, and then chop the leaves and stems into 1-inch pieces. Heat a tablespoon of olive oil in a large sauté pan or wok, and add two garlic cloves that you've peeled and lightly crushed. When the oil smokes lightly, add the chard. Sauté for 5 to 7 minutes, until the leaves wilt and the stems are tender. Remove the garlic cloves and season the chard with salt and pepper.

5. Cinnamon

This old-world spice usually reaches most men's stomachs only when it's mixed with sugar and stuck to a roll.

Why it's healthy: Cinnamon helps control your blood sugar, which influences your risk of heart disease. In fact, USDA researchers found that people with type-2 diabetes who consumed 1 g of cinnamon a day for 6 weeks (about 1/4 teaspoon each day) significantly reduced not only their blood sugar but also their triglycerides and LDL (bad) cholesterol. Credit the spice's active ingredients, methylhydroxychalcone polymers, which increase your cells' ability to metabolize sugar by up to 20 times.

How to eat it: You don't need the fancy oils and extracts sold at vitamin stores; just sprinkle the stuff that's in your spice rack (or in the shaker at Starbucks) into your coffee or on your oatmeal.

6. Purslane

Although the FDA classifies purslane as a broad-leaved weed, it's a popular vegetable and herb in many other countries, including China, Mexico, and Greece.

Why it's healthy: Purslane has the highest amount of heart-healthy omega-3 fats of any edible plant, according to researchers at the University of Texas at San Antonio. The scientists also report that this herb has 10 to 20 times more melatonin -- an antioxidant that may inhibit cancer growth -- than any other fruit or vegetable tested.

How to eat it: In a salad. Think of purslane as a great alternative or addition to lettuce: The leaves and stems are crisp, chewy, and succulent, and they have a mild lemony taste. Look for it at your local farmer's market, or Chinese or Mexican market. It's also available at some Whole Foods stores, as an individual leafy green or in premade salad mixes.

7. Pomegranate juice

A popular drink for decades in the Middle East, pomegranate juice has become widely available only recently in the United States.

Why it's healthy: Israeli scientists discovered that men who downed just 2 ounces of pomegranate juice daily for a year decreased their systolic (top number) blood pressure by 21 percent and significantly improved bloodflow to their hearts. What's more, 4 ounces provides 50 percent of your daily vitamin C needs.

How to drink it: Try 100 percent pomegranate juice from Pom Wonderful. It contains no added sugars, and because it's so powerful, a small glassful is all you need. (For a list of retailers, go to www.pomwonderful.com.)

8. Goji berries

These raisin-size fruits are chewy and taste like a cross between a cranberry and a cherry. More important, these potent berries have been used as a medicinal food in Tibet for over 1,700 years.

Why they're healthy: Goji berries have one of the highest ORAC ratings -- a method of gauging antioxidant power -- of any fruit, according to Tufts University researchers. And although modern scientists began to study this ancient berry only recently, they've found that the sugars that make goji berries sweet reduce insulin resistance -- a risk factor of diabetes -- in rats.

How to eat them: Mix dried or fresh goji berries with a cup of plain yogurt, sprinkle them on your oatmeal or cold cereal, or enjoy a handful by themselves. You can find them at specialty supermarkets or at gojiberries.us.

9. Dried plums

You may know these better by the moniker "prunes," which are indelibly linked with nursing homes and bathroom habits. And that explains why, in an effort to revive this delicious fruit's image, producers now market them under another name.

Why they're healthy: Prunes contain high amounts of neochlorogenic and chlorogenic acids, antioxidants that are particularly effective at combating the "superoxide anion radical." This nasty free radical causes structural damage to your cells, and such damage is thought to be one of the primary causes of cancer.

How to eat them: As an appetizer. Wrap a paper-thin slice of prosciutto around each dried plum and secure with a toothpick. Bake in a 400°F oven for 10 to 15 minutes, until the plums are soft and the prosciutto is crispy. Most of the fat will cook off, and you'll be left with a decadent-tasting treat that's sweet, savory, and healthy.

10. Pumpkin seeds

These jack-o'-lantern waste products are the most nutritious part of the pumpkin.

Why they're healthy: Downing pumpkin seeds is the easiest way to consume more magnesium. That's important because French researchers recently determined that men with the highest levels of magnesium in their blood have a 40 percent lower risk of early death than those with the lowest levels. And on average, men consume 353 mg of the mineral daily, well under the 420 mg minimum recommended by the USDA.

How to eat them: Whole, shells and all. (The shells provide extra fiber.) Roasted pumpkin seeds contain 150 mg of magnesium per ounce; add them to your regular diet and you'll easily hit your daily target of 420 mg. Look for them in the snack or health-food section of your grocery store, next to the peanuts, almonds, and sunflower seeds.

Antioxidants, Explained

The science is clear: Plant foods are good for you. And the credit often goes to chemicals they produce called antioxidants. Just as the name suggests, antioxidants help protect your cells against oxidation. Think of oxidation as rust. This rust is caused by free radicals, which are unstable oxygen atoms that attack your cells, inducing DNA damage that leads to cancer. Thankfully, antioxidants help stabilize free radicals, which keeps the rogue atoms from harming your cells.

So by eating more antioxidant-rich foods, you'll boost the amount of the disease-fighting chemicals floating in your bloodstream. The result: Every bite fortifies your body with all-natural preventive medicine.

7 Steps to Becoming a Happier Person

2008-05-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

By Tom Valeo
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Cynthia Dennison Haines, MD

A popular greeting card attributes this quote to Henry David Thoreau: “Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”

With all due respect to the author of Walden, that just isn’t so, according to a growing number of psychologists. You can choose to be happy, they say. You can chase down that elusive butterfly and get it to sit on your shoulder. How? In part, by simply making the effort to monitor the workings of your mind.

Research has shown that your talent for happiness is, to a large degree, determined by your genes. Psychology professor David T. Lykken, author of Happiness: Its Nature and Nurture, says that “trying to be happier is like trying to be taller.” We each have a “happiness set point,” he argues, and move away from it only slightly.

And yet, psychologists who study happiness -- including Lykken -- believe we can pursue happiness. We can do this by thwarting negative emotions such as pessimism, resentment, and anger. And we can foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude.

Happiness Strategy # 1: Don't Worry, Choose Happy

The first step, however, is to make a conscious choice to boost your happiness. In his book, The Conquest of Happiness, published in 1930, the philosopher Bertrand Russell had this to say: “Happiness is not, except in very rare cases, something that drops into the mouth, like a ripe fruit. … Happiness must be, for most men and women, an achievement rather than a gift of the gods, and in this achievement, effort, both inward and outward, must play a great part.”

Today, psychologists who study happiness heartily agree. The intention to be happy is the first of The 9 Choices of Happy People listed by authors Rick Foster and Greg Hicks in their book of the same name.

“Intention is the active desire and commitment to be happy,” they write. “It’s the decision to consciously choose attitudes and behaviors that lead to happiness over unhappiness.”

Tom G. Stevens, PhD, titled his book with the bold assertion, You Can Choose to Be Happy. “Choose to make happiness a top goal,” Stevens tells WebMD. “Choose to take advantage of opportunities to learn how to be happy. For example, reprogram your beliefs and values. Learn good self-management skills, good interpersonal skills, and good career-related skills. Choose to be in environments and around people that increase your probability of happiness. The persons who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make truth and their own personal growth primary values.”

In short, we may be born with a happiness “set point,” as Lykken calls it, but we are not stuck there. Happiness also depends on how we manage our emotions and our relationships with others.

Jon Haidt, author of The Happiness Hypothesis, teaches positive psychology. He actually assigns his students to make themselves happier during the semester.

“They have to say exactly what technique they will use,” says Haidt, a professor at the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville. “They may choose to be more forgiving or more grateful. They may learn to identify negative thoughts so they can challenge them. For example, when someone crosses you, in your mind you build a case against that person, but that’s very damaging to relationships. So they may learn to shut up their inner lawyer and stop building these cases against people.”

Once you’ve decided to be happier, you can choose strategies for achieving happiness. Psychologists who study happiness tend to agree on ones like these.

Happiness Strategy #2: Cultivate Gratitude

In his book, Authentic Happiness, University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman encourages readers to perform a daily “gratitude exercise.” It involves listing a few things that make them grateful. This shifts people away from bitterness and despair, he says, and promotes happiness.

Happiness Strategy #3: Foster Forgiveness

Holding a grudge and nursing grievances can affect physical as well as mental health, according to a rapidly growing body of research. One way to curtail these kinds of feelings is to foster forgiveness. This reduces the power of bad events to create bitterness and resentment, say Michael McCullough and Robert Emmons, happiness researchers who edited The Psychology of Happiness.

In his book, Five Steps to Forgiveness, clinical psychologist Everett Worthington Jr. offers a 5-step process he calls REACH. First, recall the hurt. Then empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator’s point of view. Be altruistic by recalling a time in your life when you were forgiven. Commit to putting your forgiveness into words. You can do this either in a letter to the person you’re forgiving or in your journal. Finally, try to hold on to the forgiveness. Don’t dwell on your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance.

The alternative to forgiveness is mulling over a transgression. This is a form of chronic stress, says Worthington.

“Rumination is the mental health bad boy,” Worthington tells WebMD. “It’s associated with almost everything bad in the mental health field -- obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety -- probably hives, too.”

Happiness Strategy #4: Counteract Negative Thoughts and Feelings

As Jon Haidt puts it, improve your mental hygiene. In The Happiness Hypothesis, Haidt compares the mind to a man riding an elephant. The elephant represents the powerful thoughts and feelings -- mostly unconscious -- that drive your behavior. The man, although much weaker, can exert control over the elephant, just as you can exert control over negative thoughts and feelings.

“The key is a commitment to doing the things necessary to retrain the elephant,” Haidt says. “And the evidence suggests there’s a lot you can do. It just takes work.”

For example, you can practice meditation, rhythmic breathing, yoga, or relaxation techniques to quell anxiety and promote serenity. You can learn to recognize and challenge thoughts you have about being inadequate and helpless.

“If you learn techniques for identifying negative thoughts, then it’s easier to challenge them,” Haidt said. “Sometimes just reading David Burns’ book, Feeling Good, can have a positive effect.”

Happiness Strategy #5: Remember, Money Can’t Buy Happiness

Research shows that once income climbs above the poverty level, more money brings very little extra happiness. Yet, “we keep assuming that because things aren’t bringing us happiness, they’re the wrong things, rather than recognizing that the pursuit itself is futile,” writes Daniel Gilbert in his book, Stumbling on Happiness. “Regardless of what we achieve in the pursuit of stuff, it’s never going to bring about an enduring state of happiness.”

Happiness Strategy #6: Foster Friendship

There are few better antidotes to unhappiness than close friendships with people who care about you, says David G. Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness. One Australian study found that people over 70 who had the strongest network of friends lived much longer.

“Sadly, our increasingly individualistic society suffers from impoverished social connections, which some psychologists believe is a cause of today’s epidemic levels of depression,” Myers writes. “The social ties that bind also provide support in difficult times.”

Happiness Strategy #7: Engage in Meaningful Activities

People are seldom happier, says psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, than when they’re in the “flow.” This is a state in which your mind becomes thoroughly absorbed in a meaningful task that challenges your abilities. Yet, he has found that the most common leisure time activity -- watching TV -- produces some of the lowest levels of happiness.

To get more out of life, we need to put more into it, says Csikszentmihalyi. “Active leisure that helps a person grow does not come easily,” he writes in Finding Flow. “Each of the flow-producing activities requires an initial investment of attention before it begins to be enjoyable.”

So it turns out that happiness can be a matter of choice -- not just luck. Some people are lucky enough to possess genes that foster happiness. However, certain thought patterns and interpersonal skills definitely help people become an “epicure of experience,” says David Lykken, whose name, in Norwegian, means “the happiness.”

Male Sexual Problems Made Simple

2008-05-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

A sexual problem, or sexual dysfunction, refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the man or couple from experiencing satisfaction from the activity. The sexual response cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.

While research suggests that sexual dysfunction is common (43% of women and 31% of men report some degree of difficulty), it is a topic that many people are hesitant to discuss. Fortunately, most cases of sexual dysfunction are treatable, so it is important to share your concerns with your partner and doctor.

What Causes Male Sexual Problems?

Sexual dysfunction can be a result of a physical or psychological problem.

Physical causes: Many physical and/or medical conditions can cause problems with sexual function. These conditions include diabetes, heart and vascular (blood vessel) disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalances, chronic diseases such as kidney or liver failure, and alcoholism and drug abuse. In addition, the side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressant drugs, can affect sexual desire and function.
Psychological causes: These include work-related stress and anxiety, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt, and the effects of a past sexual trauma.

Who Is Affected by Sexual Problems?

Both men and women are affected by sexual problems. Sexual problems occur in adults of all ages. Among those commonly affected are those in the geriatric population, which may be related to a decline in health associated with aging.

How Do Sexual Problems Affect Men?

The most common sexual problems in men are ejaculation disorders, erectile dysfunction and inhibited sexual desire.

What Are Ejaculation Disorders?

There are different types of ejaculation disorders in men, including:

Premature ejaculation: This refers to ejaculation that occurs before or soon after penetration.
Inhibited or retarded ejaculation: This is when ejaculation is slow to occur.
Retrograde ejaculation: This occurs when, at orgasm, the ejaculate is forced back into the bladder rather than through the urethra and out the end of the penis.

In some cases, premature and inhibited ejaculation are caused by psychological factors, including a strict religious background that causes the person to view sex as sinful, a lack of attraction for a partner, and past traumatic events. Premature ejaculation, the most common form of sexual dysfunction in men, often is due to nervousness over how well he will perform during sex. Certain drugs, including some anti-depressants, may affect ejaculation, as can nerve damage to the spinal cord or back.

Retrograde ejaculation is common in males with diabetes who suffer from diabetic neuropathy (nerve damage). This is due to problems with the nerves in the bladder and the bladder neck that allow the ejaculate to flow backward. In other men, retrograde ejaculation occurs after operations on the bladder neck or prostate, or after certain abdominal operations. In addition, certain medications, particularly those used to treat mood disorders, may cause problems with ejaculation.

What Is Erectile Dysfunction?

Also known as impotence, erectile dysfunction is defined as the inability to attain and/or maintain an erection suitable for intercourse. Causes of erectile dysfunction include diseases affecting blood flow, such as atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries); nerve disorders; psychological factors, such as stress, depression, and performance anxiety (nervousness over his ability to sexually perform); and injury to the penis. Chronic illness, certain medications, and a condition called Peyronie's disease (scar tissue in the penis) also can cause erectile dysfunction.

What Is Inhibited Sexual Desire?

Inhibited desire, or loss of libido, refers to a decrease in desire for, or interest in sexual activity. Reduced libido can result from physical or psychological factors. It has been associated with low levels of the hormone testosterone. It also may be caused by psychological problems, such as anxiety and depression; medical illnesses, such as diabetes and high blood pressure; certain medications, including some anti-depressants; and relationship difficulties.

How Are Male Sexual Problems Diagnosed?

The doctor likely will begin with a thorough history of symptoms and a physical exam. He or she may order other tests to rule out any medical problems that may be contributing to the dysfunction. The doctor may refer you to other doctors, including an urologist (a doctor specializing in the urinary tract and male reproductive system), an endocrinologist (a doctor specializing in glandular disorders), a neurologist (a doctor specializing in disorders of the nervous system), sex therapists, and other counselors.

What Tests Are Used to Evaluate Sexual Problems?

How Is Male Sexual Dysfunction Treated?

Many cases of sexual dysfunction can be corrected by treating the underlying physical or psychological problems. Treatment strategies may include the following:

Medical treatment: This involves treatment of any physical problem that may be contributing to a man's sexual dysfunction.
Medications: Medications, such as the impotence drugs Viagra or Levitra, may help improve sexual function in men by increasing blood flow to the penis.
Hormones: Men with low levels of testosterone may benefit from testosterone replacement therapy.
Psychological therapy: Therapy with a trained counselor can help a person address feelings of anxiety, fear, or guilt that may have an impact on sexual function.
Mechanical aids: Aids such as vacuum devices and penile implants may help men with erectile dysfunction.
Education and communication: Education about sex and sexual behaviors and responses may help a man overcome his anxieties about sexual performance. Open dialogue with your partner about your needs and concerns also helps to overcome many barriers to a healthy sex life.

Can Sexual Problems Be Cured?

The success of treatment for sexual dysfunction depends on the underlying cause of the problem. The outlook is good for dysfunction that is related to a treatable or reversible physical condition. Mild dysfunction that is related to stress, fear, or anxiety often can be successfully treated with counseling, education and improved communication between partners.

Can Sexual Problems Be Prevented?

While sexual problems cannot be prevented, dealing with the underlying causes of the dysfunction can help you better understand and cope with the problem when it occurs. There are some things you can do to help maintain good sexual function:

Follow your doctor's treatment plan for any medical/health conditions.
Limit your alcohol intake.
Quit smoking.
Deal with any emotional or psychological issues such as stress, depression, and anxiety. Get treatment as needed.
Increase communication with your partner.

When Should I Call My Doctor?

Many men experience a problem with sexual function from time to time. However, when the problems are persistent, they can cause distress for the man and his partner, and have a negative impact on their relationship. If you consistently experience sexual function problems, see your doctor for evaluation and treatment.

Reviewed by the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic Department of Psychiatry and Psychology.

Happiness May Be in the Genes

2008-05-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

Study Shows Inherited Personality Traits Play a Key Role in Happiness

By Salynn Boyles
WebMD Medical News

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

March 5, 2008 -- People tend to be hardwired for happiness, and new genetic research may help explain why.

Past studies suggest that while 50% of happiness is due to situational factors like health, relationships, and career, the other 50% is due to genes.

The new research identified largely inherited personality traits that researchers say are responsible for much of the genetic influence on happiness.

Having the right mix of these inherited traits leads to a "reserve" of happiness that can be called on in times of stress, they say.

"Traits like being active, sociable, conscientious, and not being overly anxious are related to happiness -- and these are also traits that are inherited," researcher Timothy Bates, PhD, tells WebMD.

(Are you happy? Do you believe that your genes make you happy or that you determine your own happiness? Talk about it on WebMD's Health Cafe message board.)

Genes and the Pursuit of Happiness

Bates and University of Edinburgh colleagues Alexander Weiss, PhD, and Michelle Luciano, PhD, have studied the science of happiness for the past 15 years.

Their latest study involved more than 900 identical and non-identical twin pairs who completed a standardized questionnaire designed to identify personality traits.

Since identical twins share all the same genes and non-identical twins do not, the researchers say they were able to determine the influence of genes on the personality traits and on happiness.

"Together with life and liberty, the pursuit of happiness is a core human desire," Weiss notes in a news release. "Although happiness is subject to a wide range of external influence, we have found that there is a heritable component of happiness which can be entirely explained by genetic architecture of personality."

The study appears in the March issue of the journal Psychological Science.

Achieving Happiness by Setting Goals

The findings do not mean that people who don't inherit happiness traits are destined to lead miserable lives, Bates says.

Bates, Weiss, and Luciano are studying whether adopting the traits associated with happiness can make people happy. Early findings suggest it can.

Since setting and achieving goals is a common trait in conscientious people, and conscientiousness is linked to happiness, study participants were asked to set five achievable goals that could be accomplished in a week.

"As soon as people started working toward these goals their happiness scores went up," Bates says. "When they were no longer working toward a goal their happiness scores dropped."

So while some people are genetically predisposed to being goal-oriented and others are not, the research suggests that it is the behavior that drives happiness, whether or not it comes naturally.

People who stay physically active and socially connected also tend to be happier, so adopting these traits is important for people who are naturally introverted, Bates says.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

The research builds on work done over 20 years suggesting a clear role for genes in happiness.

Situational factors do matter, Bates says, but they don't tend to affect happiness long term.

Studies consistently show that rich people are not much happier than poor people, and even people with severe physical disabilities tend to find happiness over time, he says.

"This is what led to the thinking that certain people must have some reserve that allows them to remain at a fairly stable level of happiness despite their situation," he adds.

The research also suggests that happiness is tied to a sense of responsibility and achievement.

"The way to pursue happiness is surprisingly virtuous," Bates concludes. "A sense of humility, working for the things you want, counting your blessings, being sociable, and staying active all play a part."

How to get every thing you want in life

2008-04-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Experts and women like you share simple tips for landing whatever your heart desires, whether its comfy shoes or your share of the American pie. But sometimes knowing - really knowing - what you want is the hardest part of all.

A few weeks ago, I went backpacking in the canyons of southern Utah with nine other women. Our ages spanned three decades, 23 to 53, our occupations-lawyer, bookseller, botanist, social worker, yoga instructor (to name only a few)-were as varied as the colors of the desert flowers that were just starting to bloom on all sides of our campsite. We spent our days hiking, cooling our bodies in pools the creek had carved into the canyon floor. We wrote in our journals. We talked long into the warm spring evenings about our lives and the changes we wanted to make in them.

Danika had put her scientific studies on hold to build schools and medical facilities in earthquake-ravaged Pakistan. Sarah was considering giving up a 10-year career guiding troubled teens in the wilderness for something more stable, more lucrative, more relationship-friendly. Amy was about to go to law school, though she wasn't entirely sure why, because no matter how hard she tried she couldn't imagine herself as a lawyer.

Three days after the trip ended I would fly to New Orleans, to accompany the man in my life on a drive back to Colorado, where he would move in with me and my four Irish wolfhounds. We'd been friends for 20 years, long-distance lovers for one, and this next step seemed on the one hand inevitable, and on the other absolutely insane, given the history of relationship disasters we had each left in our separate paths.

Each of us women on the backpacking trip was at some kind of crossroads, and we all kept coming back to the same questions: How do we know when we are truly following our heart's desire? How can we tell the difference between our one true voice, and all the other voices that have taken up residence in our head and constantly compete for our attention, telling us what we should and should not do? How can we tell the difference between what the people who love us want for us, and what we want for ourselves? How do we learn to quiet the nay-saying voices that belong to bad fathers and bad bosses and bad TV shows that tell us all the things we can't have, and get quiet enough, brave enough, to imagine the life we truly want?

My mother wanted desperately for me to be an actress; my father wanted me to be Chris Evert. For the first 12 years of my life I played tennis as though my life depended on it, and I went into Manhattan a couple of times a week with my mother to audition for commercials and soaps. I couldn't seem to stop running around my backhand, though, and I never got the knack of saying I liked the potato chip if I didn't like the potato chip. When I came home from an eighth-grade exchange program in Wales and announced I wanted to be a writer, my parents' suspicions that I was an alien baby were confirmed. I understand now that it was the width of the Atlantic Ocean that afforded me the time and space to begin to separate my parents' dreams from my own. My mother eventually learned to see the writing life as "a kind of acting," but my father's frustration with my choice lasted as long as his life. And though they have both been gone many years, I still feel their desires in my own decision-making, still hear their disappointments echoed in the advice of friends and lovers, still find it so hard not to act on behalf of them, or in spite of them. Where in all of that longing, do I find the voice that speaks more softly than all the others: my own?

What further complicates this process for me and all women, I think, is our capacity for empathy, our penchant for caretaking, the way we can't seem to be truly satisfied unless we are doing something for someone other than ourselves. Our generous nature is the best of things about us, but we run into trouble when generosity turns into martyrdom and resentment, when our good intentions toward those we love deafen us to that quieter call of our own desires.

Over a breakfast of strong coffee, dried apricots, and granola, I asked my hiking companions how they knew when their truest voice was speaking.

Tami, the owner of a marketing agency, has come to the Utah canyons from Sonoma, CA. The energy she feels around a heart's desire is completely different from what she feels about a "should." She feels a genuine pull, the excitement of what if, and also the fear. Following a heart's desire involves risk: starting her own business, falling in love, writing fiction, running a marathon for the first time. She has to try it, and she has to be willing to fail. When she is in the realm of the shoulds, she is 100 percent in her logical brain, and she has total confidence in her abilities-she is doing what her head knows she is good at, rather than what her heart longs to try. And the shoulds can be an important part of the process. "Sometimes," she says, "the confidence you build up from all the shoulds is what allows you to reach for your heart's desire."

I have an extremely competent analytical brain, so I've been told by the standardized testing people, and in many situations it serves me well. I am an excellent chess player, I usually know what is about to happen next in the movie, and I have been able to win most of the arguments with most of the men who have lived with me, without crying or slamming doors. But my overactive (some would say obsessive) analytical brain can be the biggest impediment to listening to my heart's desire. In fact, sometimes I have to trick my logical brain into looking the other way for a minute to give my intuitive brain the floor. I look into the short stories and novels I write to see if my heart's desire is hiding in their plotlines, and into my dreams, and into the most passionate advice I give my friends. I pay attention to what my body is doing when I talk or think about a new life path.

Is my chest open or closed? Am I standing straight or slumping? And most important, am I breathing? And how deeply? If I can't remember the last time I filled my diaphragm with air, I am probably making the wrong decision.

Out in the wilderness of southern Utah, the Red Rock Canyons served as a makeshift Atlantic Ocean, giving me enough space to think about moving in with my old friend Gary. I let the questions come: Was I breathing deeply? Was that happy nervous excitement in my voice, or abject fear? For the life of me, I couldn't be certain.

Barb, a simulation analysis engineer from Minneapolis, says that for her, fear is always part of the equation, but if she is doing something not because of fear, but despite fear, then she is doing what her heart desires. "If I don't hesitate, if I don't start trying to come up with all kinds of logic that will support my decision, it is probably the right one. If I have to talk myself into something, it's usually because I am trying to convince myself to do something that doesn't feel right in my gut."

Gail Harris has written a book called Your Heart Knows The Answer: How To Trust Yourself & Make the Choices That Are Right For You, which outlines strategies and simple practices to help you tune into your truest voice. "The voice of the heart is always positive and loving," she says, "even when it is asking us to change. It is direct and specific, empowering, grounding, centering, and relaxing. It is unwavering. It will keep telling you the same thing over and over, but it won't use your own logic against you. If it is negative and critical, it is not the voice of your heart."

After all the soul-searching and second-guessing and the final banishment of lingering doubt, Harris notes, the execution of our plans can seem like the easy part. Once you let yourself know that what you really want is to start a catering business, you head to Kinko's for business cards and flyers, check the want ads for kitchen space, and call up those rich friends who always rave about your cooking and see how much they would like to invest. If you've always wanted to write a novel, but have three kids under 6, you look into day care, call in a favor from your sister, and set the alarm for 3 a.m.

As the 10 of us heaved our packs on our backs for the final time on that backpacking trip, they felt lighter. (They were lighter, of course, after all the food we'd eaten, but we felt even more deeply unburdened.) The decision-making was behind us. Danika had a grade school to build in Pakistan, Sarah was off to find a new place to live. Tami had her brand new business to attend to in Sonoma. And me? I had to go clear shelves and drawers for Gary, and welcome him with a big, generous, open heart. And if I failed, if any of us failed, we would know we had tried our best to listen to our heart's desire, and moved forward, with honesty and commitment, and enough belief in ourselves to spread some around.

We have the right, the tools, and the capacity to live precisely the lives we want to. We are the gender that lifts cars off of babies, wins the Iditarod, and swims the English Channel, after all, and anyone who gets in the way of our heart's desire once we have really made up our minds better watch out.

1) Get a better credit score (fast!)

Give your credit score a quick boost simply by increasing your line of credit (just call your credit card company and ask). A third of your score is based on your debt-to-credit ratio, so your $2,000 credit card bill looks less risky to banks if it represents half of a $4,000 credit line rather than most of a $2,500 one.

2) Ditch a bad mood in minutes.

Hyla Cass, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine and author of 8 Weeks to Vibrant Health says there's one easy way to get a pick-me-up anytime, anywhere: Get moving. Take a brisk 10-minute walk, or jog up and down stairs for five minutes. Exercise sends a shot of oxygen to your brain, and boosts endorphins in your bloodstream-both of which short-circuit crankiness. So when you're so grouchy that even you're annoyed with you, do yourself (and everyone around you) a favor. Take a hike.

4) Find a reliable auto mechanic

NPR's "Car Talk" and its hosts Click and Clack have long been the go-to source for perplexed drivers dealing with stuck dipsticks, mysterious rattles, and more. So it makes perfect sense that they'd be the holders of that holy grail all car owners seek: the trustworthy mechanic. The "Car Talk" website (cartalk.com/content/mechx) features more than 16,000 mechanics recommended by people who've used them; just enter your zip code to find the garage nearest you.

5) Develop perfect posture

Having good posture makes you look thinner and ooze confidence-it also helps ease back pain and headaches. Here, three steps to posture that would make Mom proud, courtesy of Drew DeMann, M.D., chiropractic orthopedist at Manhattan Spine & Sports Medicine in New York City.

Check your alignment. Many women have rounded shoulders and a C-curve in their back from sitting hunched over a desk all day, says DeMann. So ask a friend to take a photo of you from the side (or check yourself out in a double mirror at the department store). Your earlobe should be over your shoulder and hip. If it's forward of them, you need to correct your posture.
Learn what good posture feels like. Straighten your spine as if there were a string stretching from the top of your head to the ceiling, pulling you up. This is how you should carry yourself.
Practice, practice, practice. Doing the above exercise on a regular basis will train your body to stand and sit up straight. Strengthening your upper back and abdominal muscles will help you maintain good posture; try lat pulldowns in the gym or do the cobra yoga move.

6) Tasty snacks that don't break the calorie bank

These five treats are all under 200 calories:

* 5 whole-grain crackers (such as Wheat Thins) topped with 1 Tbsp natural peanut butter 184 calories
* 1 oz premium dark chocolate, such as Vivani, Feodora, or Lindt 150 calories
* ¼ cup guacamole and 8 blue-corn tortilla chips 190 Calories
* 1 oz (small handful) dark-chocolate covered almonds or peanuts 160 Calories

Fruit and cheese
* 1 sliced green apple served with 2 oz of light cheddar cheese cubes or 1 light Laughing Cow snack cheese. 189 calories

7) Sign a sophisticated signature

A scribbled scrawl might say something about you-but is it saying anything good? Andrea McNichol, author of Handwriting Analysis Putting It To Work For You says no. Try holding your arm and hand away from your body when signing your name. This naturally creates a more generously spaced signature, which is more attractive and memorable.

Other tips: Always end your autograph with a stroke to the right-ending it to the left means you're living in the past. And skip flourishes like excessive underlining, swirls, or oversize letters (don't even think about heart-dotted i's); these things will make you seem attention-hungry, not like the history maker you know you were born to be.

8) Get more foreplay

He opts for fast and furious; you'd like him to loiter. Sex educator and REDBOOK Love Network expert Lou Paget offers these tips on how to get your man to lengthen the passion prelude:

Drive home the message that more foreplay will lead to more sex and your guy will go along with most anything you request. Say, "If you kiss me the way you used to for three more minutes, it will really get me hot." He'll dive in for a make-out session pronto.

Stroke his ego. Think of a move he does well, tell him it drives you crazy, and ask for more of it-he'll cooperate.

Request, rather than demand; he's more likely to respond if he doesn't feel criticized. Better yet, show, don't tell: Take his hand and guide it in the way you like to be touched-the visuals of you getting aroused will be enough to make him pay attention.

9) A tropical vacation that doesn't cost a fortune

Break out your beach bag. Paradise can come cheap-and you don't even have to plan months in advance. Bookmark these websites:

site59.com lets you book up to three hours prior to your flight (five hours for international). By selling off packages that would otherwise go unbooked, the site can save you up to 70 percent!

11thhour.com is also procrastinator-friendly. You can even hold packages for 24 hours before purchasing, which is handy when you're not quite sure if your best friend prefers window or aisle.

If your dates are flexible, sign up at travelzoo.com for their “Top 20” weekly e-mail to learn about new deals as they become available.

10) An on-call tech guy for your home

Tired of tussling with tech support? Meet the Geek Squad. This 24-hour computer-support task force comes to your doorstep for a flat fee (varies with service) and rescues you from e-purgatory: whether it's a crashed computer ($99) or an iPod that just won't connect ($49). Geek Squad also offers computer help via the telephone, at stand-alone stores and at Geek Squad stations inside Best Buy stores. Hey, even the FBI (yep, that's right) has relied on these guys for tech support. Need we say more? geeksquad.com

11) A never-fail-you lipstick

Who wants to wade through the thousands of colors at the cosmetics counter? You need lipstick that looks great and you need it now. According to Ramy Gafni, New York City-based makeup artist, a berry shade with golden flecks works on everyone. What makes this hue so wearable? "It combines the same undertones found in every woman's natural lip color-blue, pink, and yellow," says Gafni. Get it: Ramy 2Lips Kiss and Tell, $21, or Sephora Super Shimmer Lip Gloss in Rosy Glow, $10.

12) The satisfaction of helping others (without becoming a UN Ambassador)

Have an itch to do some good? Go to volunteersolutions.org, type in your zip code, and choose a social issue that interests you. The site will match you up with a local organization dedicated to the same cause you are.

13) Find the cleanest stall in a public bathroom

Choose the first stall when you walk in. When there are three stalls in a row, most people choose the middle one so it's the dirtiest, says Charles Gerba, a microbiologist.

14) Jeans that fit perfectly

It's Goldilocks's worst fashion nightmare: Jeans are always too tight, too long, too short, or just too plain expensive. Land's End to the rescue: Go to landsend.com and fill out a brief profile, including your measurements, fabric choice, and style. Then, for only $54, you'll get custom jeans that are just right...for you!

15) A great-and believable-line to give your husband when he wants to have sex and you don't

"No, no, I'm into it, really. It's cool. Let me go wash up, Dad-I mean, Bob! Oh no, now I've ruined the moment."-Amy Sedaris

16) Find an umbrella that won't break

You were singing in the rain until your umbrella blew inside out and now you're decidedly...soggy. For the third time today. There is a solution: The Gustbuster's two layers of sturdy 190-thread count nylon are designed to prevent tears and allow air to flow through them, and can withstand winds of 55 m.p.h. or more. It's also backed by a lifetime guarantee. $25-45, gustbuster.com.

17) A foolproof hostess gift for under $20

What's a surefire way to be the best guest? Give your hostess flowers that are already arranged in a chic, simple vase-so she doesn't have to put her party on hold to rummage for one. Handmade from recycled paper and coated, PopVases come in a variety of colors. $6, Traffic Works, 323-582-0616.

18) Get a better price on anything

Know what you want and what it's worth. "A seller who's aware that you're guessing or bluffing will be unlikely to give an inch," advises Holden Lewis of Bankrate.com.

Be a little dramatic. Your "shocked" reaction to a price, even a reasonable one, could bring it down.

Enlist your guy for a little good cop/bad cop act. If a price on a big-ticket item (like a house or a car) isn't as low as you'd like, pretend he won't agree until the figure comes down.

Consider buying multiple items or services at once; a seller who won't budge on a single piece might be willing to cut you a break on a larger sale.

When all else fails, be ready to walk away. If a salesperson is willing to go lower, he'll make you another offer; if he's hit bottom, you can use his best price as a benchmark at another store.

19) Get flat abs in a day

We know, we know. We should have been doing 100 crunches a night for the past six months. But, well, um, we didn't. And now the wedding's this Saturday. Is there any hope? For flat abs tomorrow, "stay away from fruits, dairy, processed carbs, and excessive fats. They can make your body retain water and leave your tummy bloated," says trainer David Kirsch, owner of The Madison Square Club in New York City. We can't promise you'll look like Heidi Klum (one of David's clients), but your belly will be noticeably less noticeable.

20) Shoes that are stylish and comfortable

Think chic comfort is an oxymoron when it comes to your tootsies? Not with these brands!

* Geox, geox.com
* Aerosoles, aerosoles.com
* Faryl Robin, farylrobin.com

21) Get unconditional love

"The most likely path to receiving unconditional love is to give it. As some great philosophers-the Beatles-once said, 'The love you take is equal to the love you make.' It's also important to pick the right person. He doesn't have to be perfect, but he does have to have a track record of being present and loyal even during rough times."- REDBOOK Love Network expert David Wexler, Ph.D., executive director of the Relationship Training Institute.

22) Find a last-minute babysitter you can trust.

Your sitter's sick and Mary Poppins isn't likely to drift down anytime soon. These websites are the next best thing. Just type in your zip code and, for a fee (ranging from $40-50 for the first one to three months, $5-10 per month after that), they'll hook you up with reliable child care. Not a bad price to pay for peace of mind; the websites' detailed profiles list things like sitters' certifications (such as CPR), languages spoken, and whether or not they have transportation.

* Sittercity.com
* 4sitters.com
* babysitters.com

Live in an urban area? Parent-tested childcare resources in cities across the country are listed on gocitykids.com. Also, many colleges and universities have babysitting services that pair parents with their students. Check your local schools' websites or call their Office of Human Resources.

Love at work

2008-04-29T04:47:00.000-07:00

How to get away with an office romance.

How to get away with an office romance. The potential for abuse isn't the only reason companies discourage office affairs, says Judith Sills, Ph.D.

Freud himself identified the two great arenas of human enterprise as Love and Work. But love at work is apparently considerably less great, at least in the mind of your boss. Across nearly every industry and organization, corporate will has attempted to stem the flood of affection—frowning, legislating, transferring, firing, and handbook holding against its inevitable tide. Why?

Three things really bother the work world: the potential for abuse, the potential for alliance, and (worst of all?) the potential for distraction. All three threaten the bottom line.

Abuse has rightly received the bulk of the effort to contain the human sexual impulse in the workplace. Potential abuse of power basically comes back to that age-old sexual question: Who gets to be on top? And how does that impact the person on the bottom? In the classic, corporate sexual position, he's on top, she reports in, and the question always lingers—did he use his strength to nudge her into place beneath him? And, once there, mightn't the pleasures she renders make an "objective annual review" something of a mockery?

Many may ultimately marry the boss, but the organization squirms until the ring is on the finger. Still, even where the possibility of exploitation is eliminated, discomfort with office dating is not. Even in the absence of formally stated policy, when the guy from Accounting and the woman who leads the New Products team start sleeping together, all of Accounting and Marketing (plus some of Sales, half of HR, and a few Production people who spend time on the other side) notice and react.

That reaction is not all negative. We pay attention because even vicarious romance is emotionally arousing in the way that the Frobisher account is not. But mild excitement might be an irritant to a boss who is, in her mind, paying an hour's pay for an hour's work. That hour did not include longing glances or the covert giggles of those who observe them.

Too, we pay attention because a new relationship alters office politics, and that might impact us personally. Two coworkers who become a couple immediately shift the power balance on the R&D team. These two have the potential to be a voting bloc or to act as an axis of support for one another. Strong friendships offer the same possibility of political alliance, but sexual liaisons are particularly adhesive—another reason bosses discourage them.

Further, in the family of the workplace, sexuality between allied employees is metaphoric incest. People who observe the relationship wriggle a little at the boundary violations suggested by love at the office.

The office affair makes every one of us a little more aware of the sexuality buttoned just beneath our suits. It is in the corporate interest to squelch that sexual awareness in the service of our personae as nonsexual colleagues. A flaming affair across the hall blows everyone's cover.

Everyone's, that is, but the two lovers, who tend to believe that no one knows the relationship even exists. This almost universal delusion allows office lovers to proceed with their affair as if it has no impact on the workplace. As with all psychological denial, its emotional advantage is that you get to do what feels good without regard to consequence. Unfortunately, if your relationship is in any way harmful to your work team, professional performance, or corporate culture, denial prevents you from mitigating those consequences.

Not every office romance has a negative impact. Some lead to lovely long-term relationships between consenting adults who are then doubly committed to the organization that serves as the setting for their deep affection. Some romances develop into marriages that function better because each partner has an intimate appreciation of the other's work life. And some office flings contribute to the complex histories and great friendships that make the workplace about something deeper and more satisfying than mere work.

But it can also do a shocking amount of damage. Love affairs end more often than not, and when the personal and professional overlap, the office affair can create heartbreak on steroids. Despite a profoundly altered relationship, continued contact may be unavoidable, prolonging—even utterly preventing—recovery.

Sheer awkwardness between the former lovers tends to jeopardize the career of one. Now you've lost your lover, your concentration, and possibly your job, a high price to pay for a failed shot at love—if that's what you both were aiming for in the first place.

Workplaces may sustain injury, too, regardless of the outcome for the lovers. Concerns about favoritism, suspicions about misuse of company time and resources, and a general resentment of people who are at the job but not on the job erode the climate of trust, focus, and commitment to excellence on which productivity depends. That's when love at the office can be a very unfriendly thing.

If one or both coworkers are married, then their colleagues become unwilling collaborators to infidelity. Some easily brush this aside as none of my business, but others—perhaps those who have a friendship with the unsuspecting spouse—are especially discomfited. And the behavior of the lovers matters a lot. Those who conduct themselves as grown-ups, who are as consistently professional in the office as they are passionate in private, do less harm to themselves and their colleagues than those who behave like teenagers in heat.

The prevailing winds at your workplace may matter the most. After all, we work as much for a culture as for a corporation and your ability to fit within your workplace's unwritten code matters. Generally speaking, if you are working in a publicly held company today, you have to be more careful about everything. If the company's making money, your private good times are apt to be more easily tolerated.

But as every manager, attractive single, or HR consultant has already discovered, romance at the office can, at best, only be held in check. No policies or lawsuits will ever eliminate it entirely. Nor, perhaps, should they. After all, work can be a very sexy place, and that's one of the unsung reasons why it's worth going there every day.

Go for It With Grace

Chances are that you—or your friend two cubicles over—will at least contemplate some form of an office romance. If so, keep in mind these guiding principles:

Absolutely no romance on company time. That means no cutesy, affectionate, or dirty e-mails; no after-hours sex in the office; no closed-door stolen moments; no tie straightening, crumb brushing, or other proprietary gestures. If you must have an office romance, don't have it at the office.

Don't take any unnecessary joint business trips and don't book adjoining rooms. If legitimate business throws you together and you want to take advantage of a discrete opportunity, fine. But never spend a penny of the company's money to further your affair.

Don't tell. Anyone. Don't gossip, confide, or give in to the delicious impulse to discuss your new love interest.

Don't buck the culture. If your company merely discourages office liaisons, then your discretion will make all the difference. But if your behavior contravenes explicit HR policy, get a grip and give up love. It'll cost you your job.

Originally published on March 1, 2007

2008-04-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

7 Muscle-Building Strategies for Guys

Experts share strength-training tips that yield results quickly.

By Annabelle Robertson
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

If you're looking for quick muscle building, go no further than your local gym, where doctors say that major strength gains can be had in just a few weeks.

Last year, the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) and the American Heart Association updated their recommendations for physical activity. In addition to regular cardio workouts, Americans are now being encouraged to perform resistance training at least twice a week, working every major muscle group.

Spero Karas, MD, assistant professor of orthopaedics in the division of sports medicine at Emory University, says that testosterone, the male hormone responsible for muscle growth, maxes out between the ages of 16 and 18. It reaches a plateau during the 20s and then begins to decline. As a result, muscle building after the adolescent years can be challenging, he says.

Fortunately, a little strength training goes a long way -- particularly in the early days.

"When someone starts a fitness program, especially after not doing anything for awhile, the initial strength gains tend to be dramatic and quick," Karas says. "In the first 12 weeks, it's not uncommon for a guy to see a 10, 20 or 30 percent jump in strength."

During the first weeks of a new training regimen, strength gains come from the recruitment of new muscle fibers, which make the muscles stronger and more visible.

Even though muscle recruitment does not result in more muscle mass, says Karas, it will definitely make your muscles look bigger.

One reason is that muscles take in water and swell during training. Another is that muscles burn fat, which tends to make the muscle look more prominent.

After the first three months of strength training, muscle gain is much slower. At that point, you're aiming for an actual increase in muscle mass, which takes time to develop.

"After you've maximized the recruitment, you've reached the plateau, which is when the increase in strength and muscle mass becomes an arduous task," Karas says.

Whether you're committed to the long haul or just want some muscle-building tips, here are seven ways to maximize your gains.

(What have you done to try and build muscle in the past? What worked? Join the discussion on WebMD's Men’s Health: Man to Man board.)

1. Commit to some form of strength training.

Unfortunately, there are no easy shortcuts to good health, says Kent Adams, PhD, FACSM, CSCS, director of the exercise physiology lab at California State University Monterey Bay.

"You don't have to train like a maniac," he says. "Just start a reasonable, individualized resistance training plan."

For tips and workout plans, visit the web sites of organizations like the ACSM or the National Strength and Conditioning Association. If you don't have access to free weights, head for the weight machines or a cable system. Other alternatives include resistance bands, plyometrics, and calisthenics.

At a minimum, perform lunges, squats, and other exercises that work your quads and hamstrings, along with extra cardio activity that will prompt your legs to begin building muscle.

No matter which strength training method you choose, however, be sure that resistance levels (the amount of weight you use) and the number of repetitions you do are high enough to fatigue the muscle. Failure to do so, Adams says, will hinder growth. The ACSM recommends three sets of 8 to 12 reps for each exercise.

To speed up the process, make the most of your workout, and keep your heart rate and metabolism elevated, try "super-setting," says Lisa De Los Santos, a Cooper's-Institute-certified personal trainer at Vandenberg Air Force Base in Southern California.

She suggests one set each of two or three opposing muscle exercises. Rest, then do a second set of each exercise before moving on to the next group.

2. Alternate muscle groups.

Weight training creates tiny micro tears in muscles, which then repair and rebuild during periods of rest. Serious injury can result if muscles are not allowed adequate time to repair.

The ACSM recommends a three-day split as follows:

Day one: Chest, triceps, and shoulders
Day two: Lower body (quads, hamstrings, gluteals, hip abductors and adductors, and calves)
Day three: Back, biceps, and abs

Feeling sore? Take an extra day or two -- or work a new muscle group. Don't forget delayed-onset muscle soreness, which can hit as late as 48 hours after a workout.

3. Drink plenty of water -- before and after workouts.

Adequate hydration is essential to muscle building, yet few people get enough water, even without daily exercise. So in addition to the daily 8 to 10 glasses of water recommended by the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, Karas suggests an additional 12 to 16 ounces before working out. He then recommends another 8 to 10 ounces for every 15 minutes of vigorous exercise.

Prefer sports drinks? Indulge only if you're exercising for more than an hour, when electrolyte depletion becomes more of a risk.

4. Eat a balanced diet.

Muscle building requires a careful balance of carbohydrates, fats, and protein as well as plenty of vitamins and minerals, all of which are best absorbed through food.

Avoid carbohydrate-heavy diets, which can cause insulin levels to spike and inhibit growth hormones that prompt muscle growth, says Karas. Instead, opt for five or six small, balanced meals every day. And if muscle building is your goal, don't use this time to diet.

"The body won't easily put on muscle if it is at a caloric deficit," explains De Los Santos.

Watch your fat intake, which should be no more than 30% of your total daily calories, and be sure to consume plenty of vitamin- and mineral-rich fruits and vegetables.

5. Get lots of protein.

"If you want to build muscle mass, the key is protein, protein, protein," says Karas. "Muscles are comprised of protein and you need the essential amino acids that are the building block of protein."

No time to cook? De Los Santos suggests high-protein snacks like cottage cheese, cheese sticks, protein bars, and protein shakes. Health and nutrition stores carry a variety of powders which can be mixed with water or low-fat milk for an energizing protein power punch between meals.

Other recommendations include turkey, cheese, and cracker snack packs as well as frozen or prepackaged diet foods that combine protein-rich choices with low-fat, low-complex carbohydrates.

6. Get enough sleep.

In addition to being linked to high blood pressure, depression, and other health problems, sleep deprivation can inhibit the growth hormone important for muscle building, says Karas. Recent studies have linked it to obesity as well.

How do you know you're getting enough to build muscle? People who are well rested feel alert and do not have the urge to nap, reports the CDC. The average adult needs between seven and eight hours of sleep, although some may need more.

7. Hire a trainer.

If you need information or motivation, consider hiring a personal trainer. Costs vary according to location and experience, but typically cost between $30 and $85 an hour.

A trainer doesn't need to be a long-term investment, however. According to De Los Santos, working with one for just three months is enough time to get comfortable in the gym, establish a routine, learn a variety of exercises, and see good results.

"A good trainer will educate while training and will not create long-term dependence," De Los Santos says. "Ideally, you'll learn the skills to either maintain your fitness level or work toward new goals."

Be sure your trainer is certified through a reputable fitness organization like the ACSM, the National Academy of Sports Medicine, or the American Council on Exercise and has an updated certification in CPR and/or first aid as well. You'll also want to hire someone you like, since you'll be spending at least an hour a week together.

I'm the other Woman.

2008-04-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

WebMD Feature from Oprah.com

It's the side of the story we rarely get to hear. Former mistresses confess they've been the "other woman." Then, betrayed wives reveal the moment they found out.

It's the side of infidelity we rarely get to hear about -- from the "other woman."

Sarah says she met one of the married men she dated at a business dinner. "He was a very distinguished businessman, high-profile, a lot older than me," she says. "He pursued me very hard. He would phone me constantly, text messaging and calling." She says she's since dated "countless" other married men.

Melissa was married when she began seeing a married man she met in a coffee shop. "My husband thought our marriage was fine," she says. "I was always wanting an upgrade."

Crystal, who says she's dated two married men, says that one man would buy her lingerie and they'd meet at her apartment. "He would really like for me to be sexy for him," she says. "I felt I could offer him great sex, and that his wife could not offer him that."

Michelle says she began seeing a man in Las Vegas almost seven years ago. He was also seeing a longtime girlfriend, whom he eventually married.

After a brief breakup, Michelle started seeing him again -- and they're still dating. At first, it was strictly a physical relationship, Michelle says, but when she later moved to his town, the affair became emotional as well. "We ended up spending a lot more time together, so I got to know him at a deeper level. It was more about who he was, what he wanted, and it was a lot more intimate than it had been."

After her initial meeting in the coffee shop, Melissa says her affair continued, and they'd see each other three or four times a week. "The kids had soccer practice. I'd drop them off and run down to our spot," she says. "It was shielded by trees up above a road so it was completely secluded."

Crystal says when the man she was having an affair with told her about his home life, he made it sound like he wanted to leave. She says he told her the cost of divorce and alimony was holding him back. "I had fairy-tale dreams of us being a power couple, being a well-kept wife, and having the big home and fancy cars and a big diamond ring," she says. "But it was never going to be a reality."

Sarah says she heard a similar story from her lover. "He wanted a future with me -- so much so that he gave me a budget to go and look at properties, talked about settling down, talked about how he would explain to his other half that he was leaving, and when he was going to do it. He even rehearsed what he was going to say in front of me," she says. "Of course, nothing happened -- he couldn't leave her."

One thing many wives who have been cheated on wonder is if the "other woman" ever thought about them? Did they ever consider the other lives they may be hurting?

Melissa says the wife of the man she was seeing was an important element of her affair -- but not in the way you might expect. "She was a character of his life. She was an extension of him just like the kids, his friends or the rest of his family. She was just a part of his life that I accepted," she says. "In the very beginning it didn't bother me. But as I knew that she became suspicious, it started to bother me. I knew it was hurting somebody else."

Michelle says she has no interest in meeting the wife of her lover. "I don't know her name, what she does. I've never asked," she says. "I've never wanted to put a face to the person. I've never wanted to give her an identity."

Crystal says when she first started seeing a married man, she was never told about his marital status. "By the time I was emotionally invested, I found out that he was married," she says. "He was able to be with me physically so often, and she didn't question his whereabouts. I began to believe that she didn't care and that she was okay with it."

Sarah says she also didn't know for some time that she was dating a married man. "He was everything I looked for in a guy. I thought I'd found Mr. Perfect. So when he dropped the bombshell that he wasn't actually that available, I moved into another stage," she says. "I was deeply in love with him, and I thought if I kept going with this [affair] and being the person he'd fallen in love with, I could somehow win him away from his wife. I wanted to be number one. That was my challenge then."

Crystal's biggest regret about her affair is that it was a waste of her time. "All the time I was spending with him I could have made myself available to a man who could commit to me fully," she says. "I feel that my relationship was wrong and that there was no good that could come from it."

Oprah: I don't think I've ever said this on TV before, but your story really mirrors my own. In my 20s, I was involved with a married man, and it is one of my greatest regrets. I later found out that the married man also had another "other woman." It is such a powerless position to be in. I don't have a whole lot of regrets in my life, but I regret it because of how pathetic it made me as a woman. I regret it not only because I was pathetic, but because of what I did to his wife. I didn't think about his wife, I believed what he was telling me, I believed the lies that he was telling me about her. I look back at that time in my life and feel not that he was responsible in any way, because I always had the choice.

Crystal: I had painted a picture of what his wife looked like based on everything he told me. I actually had a chance to meet her once, and she was beautiful and poised and she was just the opposite of the picture he painted. I guess that was my aha! moment.

Oprah: Of course, because no husband is going to say, "My wife is really beautiful, and she's really good to me, and things are really going well at home, and everything's lovely. I'm just using you." Which is the truth.

Although Michelle says she has a problem with having an affair, she doesn't plan on ending the extra-marital affair. She says she even hopes to marry him one day. "People say, 'Well, he's cheated on his wife. He'll cheat on you,'" she says. "It could happen -- I would take that chance on him in a heartbeat."

Dr. Michelle Callahan, a psychologist and relationship expert, says Michelle needs to look within herself to figure out why she's involved with a married man. "You really need to put yourself in touch with what's happened in your past, what you were told about yourself, or what you think about yourself today that would allow you to put yourself in this secondary position," she says.

Michelle says she's happy with her situation, but Dr. Callahan says these "toxic relationships" can damage a woman's self-worth. "It makes you less powerful," she says. "You have the power to change it. You made the choice to get into it, and you can make the choice to get out."

For almost two years, Sarah says she and the married man she was dating kept their relationship a secret. When the time came to make a decision, he chose his wife over her. "I was discarded," she says. "I had nowhere to go."

To cope with her heartbreak, Sarah says she began writing in a diary. The diary slowly evolved into a book, Having an Affair?: A Handbook for the Other Woman. "If I can help one woman not go through what I went through and waste so much time, then my work is done," she says.

Dr. Callahan says men get away with this behavior because they have women figured out. "They know how to prey on women's vulnerabilities and how to give them that emotional attention," she says. "They'll give you what you want so they can get what they want."

Mistresses aren't the only ones left heartbroken by cheating husbands. Catherine's marriage ended after her husband strayed.

Catherine says she discovered her husband was cheating when he came home one night with lipstick on his lips -- but that wasn't her first clue. Once, when the couple was taking a road trip, Catherine's husband refused to answer his cell phone while she was in the car. "When we stopped for gas, I caught him checking his phone and talking to someone," she says. "I said, 'I bet that's not a friend. I bet that's a woman.'"

Catherine stayed with her husband despite her suspicions of his infidelity, until the day the sheriff knocked on the door. "[He] served him child support papers," she says. "He knew it was coming, and he just opted not to tell me." Catherine says she had no idea her husband had a child with another woman.

"I proceeded to try to knock his front tooth out," she says. "[Then], I decided it was time to leave."

Teryl says she found out her husband -- the worship leader at their church -- was having an affair when she overheard a suspicious telephone conversation. "I walked in and heard him say to her, 'I wish you weren't working today, because I'd try to buzz out to see you for a while,'" she says. "I instantly knew something wasn't right, and my heart started pounding."

At the time, Teryl was pregnant with their fourth child, the couple's first son.

Although Teryl says she was devastated by the affair, she fought to save her marriage. When her husband decided to leave, she says she grabbed him by the ankles and tried to prevent him from walking out of the door. "I held onto him because he really represented my dreams, my life," she says. "He was a part of me. It was like my life was ending."

Teryl's divorce is now final, and they have joint custody of their children. "He takes his time with them and he does a good job with them, and I'm thankful for that," she says.

Teryl says she holds her husband responsible for his mistakes, but she also blames the other woman. She wrote a letter to her husband's mistress to express her pain. The letter read:

What can I possibly say to the woman who has aided in the demise of my life? I wish I could stand in front of you to voice these thoughts so you could see the real person in me, the real tears that fall, and the real pain I have endured. As a woman, I can't possibly understand how you are comfortable with completely tearing apart our family. If your relationship with a married man is all you've ever dreamt for yourself, then you haven't set your aspirations high enough. You are worth more than a man who would leave his entire family and his entire life.

When Candi discovered that her husband was cheating, she didn't get mad -- she got a lawyer.

After finding steamy love letters and racy photos the other woman sent her husband, Candi says she decided to sue the mistress for alienation of affection. She won and was awarded $500,000 but ultimately settled for $50,000.

Since most states have no-fault divorce, Candi says she couldn't sue her husband, so she went after the woman who she says actively pursued him.

"I think they first met in a bar out of town and nothing happened, but she chose to send him a Christmas card," Candi says. "He obviously bit, so she kept writing. Initially, she would say things like, 'I know you're married with three children, and we can just be friends, but I really enjoyed meeting you.' Then [the letters] became more graphic. [She said] that she could fly to our town any time, and then described sexual acts she'd like to perform if only they could be together."

Why did Candi decide to take legal action? "At the time, I felt so humiliated and devastated," she says. "It looked like an opportunity for redemption in a way, just to stand up for myself and my family."

Dr. Callahan says many men cheat because they want to escape reality and play out their sexual fantasies. To keep men from straying, Dr. Callahan says there are a few things women can do at home.

Start by taking care of yourself, being sexually open and synching communication styles with your partner. Also, couples should keep dating, even after they're married.

"Don't get so comfortable and so settled that you forget to go out and forget to go to the movies, go to dinner and get dressed up," Dr. Callahan says. "Don't just go in your baggy pants and the flip-flops. Dress up like you would on any other date. Remember, it's the other woman who is out on a date giggling and saying, 'Oh, you're so funny. You're so cute.'"

If nothing seems to make your man faithful, don't blame yourself. "If you're already doing that and you end up with a man who is a serial cheater, then maybe it's time to think about moving on," Oprah says. "It's really all on him."

Originally published on October 1, 2007

2008-04-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

Food Relationships - Is Yours Healthy?

My Relationship With Food: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do - But So Worth It

By Diana Potter
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic-Feature

Newsflash: "This just in -- Diana Potter wants the world to know the truth about her longstanding on-and-off relationship with food. In a hastily called press conference following the explosive announcement that she's ending her career as a professional overeater, Potter said today:

'Despite the swirl of rumors surrounding my relationship with Rich Food, it is not true that we are getting a divorce. We remain good friends, and we will continue to have respect and even affection for each other. However, the excitement and magic are gone, and we've agreed it's time to move on.'

"Stay tuned as we follow the twists and turns of this absorbing human drama being played out under the bright glare of public scrutiny."

Yes, the excitement and magic of uncontrollably stuffing myself with food are gone now. But what a ride it was! I vividly remember the passions my "forbidden love" for food aroused in me: desire, ecstasy, despair -- a classic romantic rollercoaster.

Only it was a roller-coaster with only me on it. A wild ride, yes. But a lonely one.

Meanwhile, during the many years I lived this way, the vast, incredibly rich drama and excitement of real life -- friends, interests, love, social activities, growth toward goals -- went on. And finally the day came when a tiny voice from the deepest part of my mind and heart broke through to protest my fat, lonely life. At last, I began to want more.

It took awhile, though, for that tiny voice of reason to strengthen until it could override the unreasoning fears that food and fat had helped me control for so long. But in therapy, I gradually began to respond to it.

I've told you about some of the first actions I took to express my growing desire for change: reading self-help books, writing down my feelings, even loving teddy bears as a step toward having the courage to love the people around me -- and to let them know it.

Finally one day I presented myself for therapy, scared of revealing how "bad" I was, fearful of criticism, and amazed that I was actually taking the chance of reaching out to an "other" for help after keeping my distance from others for so long.

But it was time. And so, as I made progress in understanding my emotional eating, I happily discovered I wasn't "bad." I was just me, a person who had made certain choices for getting along in life that worked, yes, but at a cost I no longer wanted, or had, to bear. I found I could make other choices now that would work better.

And I did. Slowly, sometimes painfully, I became able to envision a happy, satisfying life without my "love relationship" with food. A life without my love! The idea of it scared me until I realized that by not letting other people get close to me, I'd been living a kind of "life without love" all along.

Oh how I wanted a real life once I opened my eyes to it! As my wanting grew stronger, I began a gradual but lasting shift away from wanting food to wanting closeness with others as well as love and respect for myself.

But I needed to consider something else along the way: When I came to realize how much my fat had meant to me over the years, I couldn't just turn off my feelings about it. One evening I found myself actually talking to my fat. I did something I've heard people sometimes do when a dying loved one is holding on to life out of concern for the feelings of those who will be left behind: I gave my fat permission to leave me. I thanked it for being there when I didn't have other ways to take care of myself. I told it that leaving me now was okay, I'd be all right. And I told my fat I loved it, as an important part of myself, and would continue to love it and myself after it was gone.

As time passed, I steadily lost weight. My formerly uncontrollable cravings went away, and I experienced a sense of peace I hadn't known in all the years of my life.

Just one little (ha!) food-related problem remained: I still needed to eat. How was I going to keep a former love interest around without drifting back into its dangerously passionate embrace?

This proved to be more difficult than I'd expected. Even after I "graduated" from therapy, I still thought about food. And I still liked to eat a lot of it when a good meal presented itself. I wondered if these things were more or less in the normal range, or if I was in danger of slipping back into overeating and getting fat.

So I went back to my therapist and presented her with my concerns. As we talked, I realized I'd been expecting to put food on a further-back burner than was really possible. Of course I thought about food, especially when I was hungry, as everyone does. As for eating a lot of something I liked, I did need to watch out there, but not because I was craving the food -- I wasn't. It was because like everyone else, if I ate more than I needed, I'd gain weight! What a concept!

Bottom line: It was still early in my process of growing out of a powerfully compelling lifetime habit. I needed to relax and give myself time to adjust to what in fact has proved to be real and lasting change.

This is the last chapter in this series. I hope that some of what I experienced in breaking free from emotional eating may be helping you do it, too.

If you answered the self-questions accompanying the chapters in this series, you may have a strengthened sense that your emotional eating and your fat are concealing things about yourself that you want to know. From my experience, the people who can help are out there now -- and they'll be there to help and support you whenever you're ready to begin your quest. Good luck!

2008-04-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

Men vs. Women: Whose Memory Is Worse?

Study Shows Older Men More Likely to Have Memory Problems Than Older Women

By Kathleen Doheny
WebMD Medical News

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

April 16, 2008 -- Men have a reputation for having a bad memory, forgetting birthdays or anniversaries -- or so the stereotype goes. Now, a new study lends some science to the stereotype, at least for older men.

Men 70-plus are more likely than women in that age range to have memory problems and other cognitive impairments, according to researchers from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., who presented the finding this week at the American Academy of Neurology 60th annual conference in Chicago.

The research team evaluated what is known as mild cognitive impairment, a transition stage between normal cognitive functioning and dementia, in 1,969 men and women ages 70 to 89. Having mild cognitive impairment increases the risk of getting Alzheimer's disease over the next few years, but not everyone with mild cognitive impairment gets Alzheimer's.

"We found that the prevalence of mild cognitive impairment was higher in men than in women," says Rosebud Roberts, MD, an associate professor of epidemiology at Mayo Clinic and a study co-investigator.

Men were 1.6 times as likely as women to have the cognitive problems, she says.

Men, Women, and Memory

Previous studies have tried to evaluate which sex has the better memory. But the research looking at sex differences in memory and other cognitive function has yielded mixed results, Roberts tells WebMD.

"Some studies have reported sex differences in mild cognitive impairment," she says, "but the reports have been inconsistent."

Roberts and her colleagues randomly selected residents from Olmsted County, Minn., who were ages 70 to 89 at the start of the study in 2004. The researchers administered cognitive tests, had a physician examine them, and interviewed them.

The researchers also talked to someone who knew each participant well, such as their spouse, to ask about cognitive functioning. Then they classified them as having normal cognition, mild impairment, or dementia.

In all, 16.7% had mild cognitive impairment, Roberts found. Men were 1.6 times more likely than women to have mild cognitive impairment, even after factoring in such variables as age and marital status.

Second Opinion

The study is scientifically sound, according to Sam Gandy, MD, PhD, chairman of the medical and scientific advisory council for the Alzheimer's Association, who reviewed the study for WebMD.

But the increased risk found in the study for men should be put in perspective, he says. For instance, carrying a gene known as the apoE4 allele boosts the risk of getting Alzheimer's, he says. "The gender effects still take a back seat to the genetic effects [of getting dementia] in terms of magnitude," he says.

Both men and women can improve their lifestyles to reduce their risk of dementia, says Gandy. He cites a recent study in which having belly fat as an adult boosted the risk of dementia later.

"As for recommendations [to reduce risk], for now, diet and lifestyle remain the mainstays," he says. The Alzheimer's Association recommends staying active mentally, socially, and physically, as well as adopting a "brain-healthy" diet.

To qualify as brain-healthy, a diet should be low in fat and cholesterol and be rich in dark vegetables and fruits.

Interpreting the Findings

The new findings are at odds with some studies that have concluded women have more dementia than men, Roberts says. She isn't certain how to interpret the findings thoroughly yet. The findings may suggest that men have a delayed progression from mild impairment to dementia or that women stay in the mild-impairment transition phase more briefly, progressing more quickly than men do to dementia, she says.

The risk factors for mild impairment (such as advancing age) may be different for men, she also speculates, or they may occur at different phases of life for men than for women.

"A person with mild cognitive impairment might have problems with memory, making decisions, or problem solving, or problems with language, like finding a [right] word," Roberts says.

These difficulties are "not severe enough to affect social functioning or work," she says. "It's not something you would notice if you didn't live closely with them."

2008-04-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

"I Hate Asking for Help"

WebMD Feature from "Good Housekeeping" Magazine

By Cynthia Hanson

It's the four-letter word no woman likes to utter. How to ask for what you need.

It wasn’t until Kathleen Hornstein realized that she couldn’t move her legs that she finally broke down and asked for help. A 34-year-old Pilates instructor and mom of two, Hornstein was pregnant with twins, and despite being overextended and overtired, she had barely slowed down and prided herself on being able to handle anything that came her way. Then, during her second trimester, as she sat on the basement steps one day talking to her husband and her brother while they hung drywall, she suddenly discovered that she couldn’t stand up. “It felt like my hip and thigh had dislocated,” recalls the West Chicago, IL, mom, now 39. “I was shocked — and scared! — and glad people I could count on were there.”

Minutes later, Hornstein was able to support herself again, but the brief experience of dependence was a wake-up call for her: “My body — and my life — were undergoing rapid changes. I realized I’d need to reconsider my attitude about asking for help if I wanted things to run smoothly — especially after we became a family of six.”

Hornstein’s reluctance to reach out is all too common in our culture, where self-reliance is a revered, ingrained habit, says life coach M. Nora Klaver, author of Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need. “Being on the receiving end of a helping hand seems harder for women because we’re raised to be caregivers,” she says. “Asking for care ourselves feels like a personal failure.” In a recent survey of 100 former clients, Klaver found that seven out of 10 had wanted help at least once during the previous week but hadn’t been able to bring themselves to make the request.

Like Klaver’s clients, most of us deal with our daily burdens and serious crises on our own, often winding up isolated and overwhelmed. The alternative would be to admit to ourselves — and others — that we’re not perfect. But we’d rather keep up the appearance of being in control, says psychologist Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., author of Outsmart Your Brain. “Our resistance is about maintaining our own self-concept,” she explains. “It may often take a life-changing event like pregnancy or a medical emergency to teach us that even the most competent women can use a little help sometimes.”

But why wait for a crisis? We’ve culled the top five excuses women make to justify their reluctance to ask for aid — and the experts’ analysis of what’s really going on behind these bogus rationales. Read on, then grasp a helping hand.

Excuse #1 “I Don’t Want to Look Weak”

On his first day of kindergarten, Joy Stewart’s son brought home a raft of paperwork, but only one document gave her pause: the emergency-contact form, on which she had to name someone who could pick Joshua up at school if she or her husband couldn’t be reached. “My family and friends aren’t available during school hours, so I didn’t have many options,” says Stewart, 41, a real estate agent and mom of two in North Wales, PA. “I wanted to ask my neighbor Nancy but we weren’t close — we just smiled and waved across the cul-de-sac. I figured she’d see me as pathetic and think, Why is Joy asking me? Doesn’t she have any friends?”

Turning to others in times of need should not be a source of shame. Rather, it’s a sign of strength and smarts because it means you know what you can and can’t handle and that you’re planning ahead to get everything done regardless. “But asking for help can reveal things about yourself that you may not be proud of or happy with,” Klaver says. “In Joy’s case, she didn’t like admitting that she didn’t have anyone she could call on to help her out.” To avoid falling into a similar trap, remind yourself that asking for help strengthens social bonds. “When you make yourself vulnerable, others open up in return,” Klaver points out.

Stewart agonized for two weeks, and then, finally, the day before the form was due, she mustered the courage to approach Nancy. Not surprisingly, Nancy happily agreed to be her emergency contact. “I wish I’d asked sooner, because it would have spared me a lot of angst,” Stewart says. “I wasted so much energy — and if Nancy had said no, I wouldn’t have had any backup plan.” A bonus to Stewart’s outreach: The two women now are friends and regularly chat together.

Excuse #2 “I Don’t Want to Impose on My Friends”

When Sharon Marcus moved to New York City from San Francisco, her good friend Anita volunteered to come paint her new apartment and do minor repairs. Marcus wanted to learn those skills and knew she would enjoy working with her friend. Still, “it seemed like a terrible imposition to ask her to take time off from her job, fly across the country, and spend a long weekend working on my new place,” says Marcus, 41, an English professor. She fretted for a week about whether or not to take Anita up on the offer.

She needn’t have, says Reynolds. “Ultimately, it’s up to the other person to decide whether your request crosses the line.” Most people like to be helpful, especially if you’ve given them a hand in the past. If you’re not sure, then before you reach out, ask yourself if the friendship could withstand a “no.”

When Marcus finally followed up, Anita gladly agreed to help; as it turned out, she was eager to see her friend. The two enjoyed a whirlwind weekend of painting and reminiscing, transforming Marcus’s apartment. Marcus also learned enough to go it alone with a paintbrush and small tools. “Anita’s help actually made me need less assistance on other projects,” she says.

Whenever you ask for a significant favor, acknowledge that it’s a big deal (“I know I’m asking a lot”) and give the person permission to decline up front (“I understand if it’s too much and you can’t do it”). And of course, give assurances that you’ll return the favor when she needs it.

Excuse #3 “I’ll Look Incompetent”

When she took her job as director of career services at a liberal arts college, Kim Heitzenrater knew there’d be a learning curve. Nonetheless, during her first three months, whenever students asked her questions about applying to graduate programs, she researched the information herself, even though it would have been much faster and easier to check directly with faculty advisors. “I was afraid that if I asked too many questions, the dean would think he’d made a mistake in hiring me,” says Heitzenrater, 40, a mother of two in Sewanee, TN.

While Heitzenrater’s attitude is common, particularly in the workplace, not tapping others’ knowledge is counterproductive, says Karissa Thacker, Psy.D., a New York City management psychologist who specializes in career issues: “Everybody expects you to ask technical questions.” Heitzenrater ultimately reached the same conclusion. “I wasted too much time looking up everything myself,” she admits. “If I’d asked my colleagues for help early on, I would have gotten up to speed on the job faster and developed relationships with them sooner.”

Asking your boss and coworkers for assistance — tips on shortcuts, a deadline extension, even feedback — doesn’t signal incompetence. On the contrary, says Thacker, “You may feel vulnerable, but what you’re really saying is, ‘I want to do the job right, and I understand the value of teamwork and cooperation.’”

To switch your mind-set, first, recognize that today’s workplace is more collaborative than it used to be. Even if you haven’t been formally assigned to a work team, it’s likely that you’ll need an occasional assist from your peers to do your job. Second, practice asking for help (and giving it) every day so that it starts to feel natural, Thacker recommends.

Excuse #4 “It Won’t Get Done Right if I Don’t Do It Myself”

“Some women won’t accept help because it means surrendering control,” Reynolds says. Case in point: Lori Reidel, 52, of Cincinnati, who didn’t trust other parents to drive her son, Logan. She chauffeured him almost everywhere, even though it meant paying for extra gas and losing the time and flexibility that come with carpooling. “But if I’d let Logan ride in someone else’s car and something happened, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself,” Reidel explains. “Primal parental fear is understandable,” comments Reynolds, “but that unbending attitude is unrealistic and unhealthy for child and mother.”

Accepting a helping hand requires an active leap of faith that everything will turn out OK. “You must stand up to the fear and mentally take it down,” Reynolds explains. “Tell yourself, ‘This is an irrational fear. I will accept help for one week; if I can’t handle it, then I’ll make a different choice next week.’” Another mental trick: Remember other occasions when you felt anxious about letting go but that turned out fine — the first time you left your child with a babysitter, for instance.

When her son, now 14, started seventh grade, Reidel heard about a new carpool down the street, and she took a deep breath and joined. The result has been win-win: Logan has become pals with the other kids and Reidel has gained more time — and more trust in the other parents.

Relinquishing lesser tasks may be easier, but it also requires an honest evaluation of costs and benefits. Is it better to let your 9-year-old make his bed badly or to take the time to do it yourself? After a party, does it make more sense to let guests help you clean up or to stay up by yourself washing dishes? Finally, Reynolds says, ask yourself this, “Is it the end of the world if my son’s bed looks sloppy or my margarita glasses aren’t perfectly lined up?” Focus on what you stand to gain — a lighter workload; more time for your kids; a chance to bond with your friends.

Excuse #5 “I Was Raised to Be Self-Sufficient”

When her husband went away on a five-day business trip last September, Isadora Fox, 39, of Austin, couldn’t bring herself to call on a neighbor — even just to watch her 4-year-old daughter, Sasha, for 90 minutes while she prepared for two big exams. Fox, who works part-time as a writer while she studies to become a nurse-practitioner, also had three major deadlines and sole responsibility for driving Sasha to preschool, swimming, gymnastics, and a birthday party. To get everything done, she stayed up until 2 every night, even though she was five months pregnant. “I chose to be a mother, go back to school, and work part time,” Fox says, “so I thought I should suck it up and handle everything myself, because this is what I signed up for.” Instead, she collapsed with a nasty sinus infection.

Subduing an independent-to-a-fault streak takes soul-searching. Try to shift your focus from self-reliance to self-care, understanding that doing what’s best for you will give you strength to care for others. Edit your mental self-talk about independence by telling yourself it’s nothing but a self-imposed, self-limiting mantra.

That strategy worked for Fox. “I started thinking about how I do favors for other people,” she says. “I don’t think worse of them for needing some assistance, and I’m sure that none of my friends and neighbors would mind helping me.” A few months later, when her husband was away during her final exams, Fox asked a friend to babysit for three hours one night while she studied. “I still won’t call someone for help because I’m just tired,” Fox says. “But I will in an emergency — and being eight months pregnant and in the throes of finals counts!”

And what of Kathleen Hornstein? Today, she usually doesn’t hesitate to request the assistance she needs either, whether it’s sending her husband grocery shopping, tapping her daughter to fold laundry, or asking a neighbor to babysit her 4-year-old twins. The result: She’s more relaxed and less frazzled. Better yet, Hornstein says, is seeing the positive impact her requests have had. “My kids are learning responsibility and getting a feeling of accomplishment when they do small chores. And from carpooling, I’ve gotten to know other moms and deepened some existing friendships. I had to learn to ask for help, but now, I can’t imagine living my life any other way.”

Stressed? Grab Your Own Slice of Bliss

2008-04-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

Stress: Busted!

WebMD Feature from "Women's Health" Magazine

By the Editors of Women’s Health

Sanity-saving strategies you can use right now

1. Work Pressures
Change your schedule.

When most people get in to work, they check their e-mail and voice mail. Save it for later. Spend your first hour, when you're the sharpest, on creative and strategic thinking. While you're at it, break down your day into specific tasks, rather than trying to juggle everything. Studies now show that a 50-minute task takes four times as long if you juggle too many tasks at once. "Are you a starter of all and finisher of none?" asks Julie Morgenstern, author of Making Work Work. If you can, pick one day a week to leave 30 minutes earlier than usual. "It feels like corporate suicide," Morgenstern says, but allowing yourself that early exit will keep you on deadline and make you hyperfocused to complete jobs more efficiently.

2. Personal Pressures
Change the habit, not the world.

Destressing isn't about eliminating all of your stresses; it's about getting control of them, one at a time. To do that, you should make micro-adjustments in your life, not big ones that eventually add more stress, says Stan Goldberg, Ph.D., author of Ready To Learn. "What's important is whatever [changes you make to your routine] need to be small enough so that there is a minimal amount of difference between what you've been doing and what you now do," Dr. Goldberg says. If you're working on being prompt, get to every appointment—not just to work—5 minutes earlier than normal. Successful change is permanent, not dramatic.

3. Self Care
Eat the antistress diet.

When you're in stress mode, your insides produce more chemical reactions than Marie Curie's lab—you experience surges of the hormone cortisol and sugar levels that spike and plummet, which can leave you feeling under pressure and sluggish. Counteract those reactions with the right foods, says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of The Food & Mood Cookbook. For breakfast, avoid sugary cereals or breakfast bars and eat whole-grain cereal and a piece of fruit. Then pop a vitamin with at least 500 milligrams (mg) of calcium and 250 mg of magnesium. Magnesium, which is flushed out when stress rushes in, helps regulate those cortisol levels. For a snack, the crunch of veggie sticks or carrots helps release a clenched jaw and the tension headache you can get as a result of stress. Before bed, go with a light carbohydrate-rich snack, like toast and jam, to quicken the release of the feel-good hormone serotonin, which will help you sleep better.

4. Personal Power
Always avoid "always".

One of the biggest booby traps in your life is overgeneralizing—first dates never work out, she always gets promotions before me, he always arrives at least 5 minutes late. Unconsciously, using "always" and "never" steers you away from feeling that you have any control over changing the things that stress or worry you, says Daniel Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

5. Emotional Symptoms
Schedule your emotions.

If we let it, stress can eat away at us like a squirrel with a nut. That constantly worried mentality impedes decision-making, says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D., author of Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life. She suggests you write down what you're worried about, then set aside some quiet time (say 30 minutes) to figure out solutions. That way, worrying won't disrupt your work, and you'll be able to think through the answers.

2008-04-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

Forgive and Forget

It's not always easy, but the benefits of forgiving -- and 'forgetting' -- can be powerful. Here are some tips.

By Tom Valeo
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Cynthia Dennison Haines, MD

Many people view forgiveness as an offshoot of love -- a gift given freely to those who have hurt you.

Forgiveness, however, may bring enormous benefits to the person who gives that gift, according to recent research. If you can bring yourself to forgive and forget, you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress hormones circulating in your blood, studies suggest. Back pain, stomach problems, and headaches may disappear. And you’ll reduce the anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, and other negative emotions that accompany the failure to forgive.

Of course, forgiving is notoriously difficult. “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive,” said C.S. Lewis.

And forgetting may not be a realistic or desirable goal.

“Despite the familiar cliche, ‘forgive and forget,’ most of us find forgetting nearly impossible,” says Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Hope College. “Forgiveness does not involve a literal forgetting. Forgiveness involves remembering graciously. The forgiver remembers the true though painful parts, but without the embellishment of angry adjectives and adverbs that stir up contempt.”

Forgiving (and Forgetting) Quells Stress

That type of angry “embellishment,” as Witvliet calls it, seems to carry serious consequences. In a 2001 study, she monitored the physiological responses of 71 college students as they either dwelled on injustices done to them, or imagined themselves forgiving the offenders.

“When focused on unforgiving responses, their blood pressure surged, their heart rates increased, brow muscles tensed, and negative feelings escalated,” she says. “By contrast, forgiving responses induced calmer feelings and physical responses. It appears that harboring unforgiveness comes at an emotional and a physiological cost. Cultivating forgiveness may cut these costs.”

But how do we cultivate forgiveness?

Frederic Luskin, PhD, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, readily admits that forgiveness, like love, can’t be forced.

“You can’t just will forgiveness,” says Luskin, author of Forgive For Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness. “What I teach is that you can create conditions where forgiveness is more likely to occur. There are specific practices we offer that diminish hostility and self-pity, and increase positive emotions, so it becomes more likely that a genuine, heartfelt release of resentment will occur.”

How to Encourage Forgiveness

For example, Luskin encourages the practice of gratitude -- the active effort to acknowledge what’s good in your life.

“Gratitude is simply focusing your attention on the positive things that have happened,” he says. “That creates a biochemical experience that makes it more likely that forgiveness will occur.”

Stress management, whether through meditation, deep breathing, or relaxation exercises, also helps quell the stress of anger and resentment, he says. So does “cognitive reframing,” which fosters acceptance of the facts of your situation..

“You may wish you had a better mother or a better lover,” Luskin says, “but the world is the way it is.”

Finally, Luskin encourages people to change the story they tell themselves so they appear more like survivors who are hopeful about the future rather than victims with a grievance.

“You can change, ‘I hate my mother because she didn’t love me,’ to, ‘life is a real challenge for me because I didn’t feel loved as a child,’” Luskin said. “That makes forgiveness so much more possible.”

Two Types of Forgiveness

Everett L. Worthington Jr., PhD, a professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University and the author of Forgiveness and Reconciliation:

Theory and Applications, divides forgiveness into two types. Decisional forgiveness involves choosing to let go of angry thoughts about the person you feel has wronged you.

“You can tell yourself, ‘I am not going to seek revenge,’ for example, or, ‘I am going to avoid that person,’” Worthington says. “You could choose decisional forgiveness and still have a lot of emotional unforgiveness.”

The ultimate goal, however, is emotional forgiveness, in which negative emotions such as resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger, and fear are replaced with love, compassion, sympathy, and empathy.

“Emotional forgiveness is where the health action is,” says Worthington. “Emotional unforgiveness causes a chronic stress response, which results in obsessing about the wrong done to you. Rumination is what gets people into trouble. Rumination is the mental health bad boy. It’s associated with almost everything bad in the mental health field -- obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, depression … probably hives too.”

REACH for Forgiveness

To help people achieve emotional forgiveness, Worthington has devised a 5-step program called REACH, with each letter representing one step.

“First you recall the hurt objectively, without blame and self-victimization,” Worthington says. “Then you empathize by trying to imagine the viewpoint of the person who wronged you. The altruistic part involves getting people to think about a time they were forgiven and how that felt.

When it’s time to commit to forgiveness, people usually say, not yet, but when they finally do, they must then hold on to forgiveness.”

All this is not merely theoretical for Worthington. His mother was beaten to death with a crowbar in 1995, and yet, by applying the five steps of REACH, he managed to forgive.

“Within 30 hours I was able to forgive the youths who had committed this horrible crime,” he writes in Forgiveness and Reconciliation.

When Not Forgiving Is OK

But some people cannot forgive, and that’s OK too, according to Jeanne Safer, PhD, a psychotherapist and the author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving. For some of her patients, recognizing that they don’t have to forgive is a huge relief.

“Many don’t have to forgive in order to resolve their feelings,” Safer says. “They say, ‘I can never feel OK about these terrible things, but I’m not going to be vengeful.’”

To help them achieve this resolution, Safer offers a three-step process. The first step involves re-engagement -- a decision to think through what happened. The second step, recognition, means looking at every feeling you may have about the injury. “You ask yourself, ‘why do I want revenge?’” Safer said. “Revenge is based on powerlessness and it’s doomed to failure.”

The final step involves reinterpretation of the injury, including an attempt to understand the person who caused it. “This is where forgivers and nonforgivers divide,” Safer said. “Sometimes you’re not able to reconnect with the person, but if you go through this process, at least you won’t be a victim.”

Forgiveness research proliferated after the publication in 1984 of Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve, by Lewis B. Smedes, who claimed that forgiveness produced benefits for the forgiver.

Safer, however, is wary of those who picked up on this idea and started to promote what she calls “promiscuous forgiveness.”

"What’s important is working it through and achieving resolution, whether it leads to forgiveness or not. Forgiveness involves wishing the other well. You’re already there if you don’t wish them ill,” Safer says.

2008-04-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

Coffee: The New Health Food?

Plenty of health benefits are brewing in America's beloved beverage.

By Sid Kirchheimer
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Michael W. Smith, MD

Want a drug that could lower your risk of diabetes, Parkinson's disease, and colon cancer? That could lift your mood and treat headaches? That could lower your risk of cavities?

If it sounds too good to be true, think again.

Coffee, the much maligned but undoubtedly beloved beverage, just made headlines for possibly cutting the risk of the latest disease epidemic, type 2 diabetes. And the real news seems to be that the more you drink, the better.

Reducing Disease Risk

After analyzing data on 126,000 people for as long as 18 years, Harvard researchers calculate that compared with not partaking in America's favorite morning drink, downing one to three cups of caffeinated coffee daily can reduce diabetes risk by single digits. But having six cups or more each day slashed men's risk by 54% and women's by 30% over java avoiders.

Though the scientists give the customary "more research is needed" before they recommend you do overtime at Starbuck's to specifically prevent diabetes, their findings are very similar to those in a less-publicized Dutch study. And perhaps more importantly, it's the latest of hundreds of studies suggesting that coffee may be something of a health food -- especially in higher amounts.

In recent decades, some 19,000 studies have been done examining coffee's impact on health. And for the most part, their results are as pleasing as a gulp of freshly brewed Breakfast Blend for the 108 million Americans who routinely enjoy this traditionally morning -- and increasingly daylong -- ritual. In practical terms, regular coffee drinkers include the majority of U.S. adults and a growing number of children.

"Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more healthful than it is harmful," says Tomas DePaulis, PhD, research scientist at Vanderbilt University's Institute for Coffee Studies, which conducts its own medical research and tracks coffee studies from around the world. "For most people, very little bad comes from drinking it, but a lot of good."

Consider this: At least six studies indicate that people who drink coffee on a regular basis are up to 80% less likely to develop Parkinson's, with three showing the more they drink, the lower the risk. Other research shows that compared to not drinking coffee, at least two cups daily can translate to a 25% reduced risk of colon cancer, an 80% drop in liver cirrhosis risk, and nearly half the risk of gallstones.

Coffee even offsets some of the damage caused by other vices, some research indicates. "People who smoke and are heavy drinkers have less heart disease and liver damage when they regularly consume large amounts of coffee compared to those who don't," says DePaulis.

There's also some evidence that coffee may help manage asthma and even control attacks when medication is unavailable, stop a headache, boost mood, and even prevent cavities.

Is it the caffeine? The oodles of antioxidants in coffee beans, some of which become especially potent during the roasting process? Even other mysterious properties that warrant this intensive study?

Actually, yes.

Some of coffee's reported benefits are a direct result of its higher caffeine content: An eight ounce cup of drip-brewed coffee contains about 85 mg -- about three and a half times more than the same serving of tea or cola or one ounce of chocolate.

"The evidence is very strong that regular coffee consumption reduces risk of Parkinson's disease and for that, it's directly related to caffeine," DePaulis tells WebMD. "In fact, Parkinson's drugs are now being developed that contain a derivative of caffeine based on this evidence."

Caffeine is also what helps in treating asthma and headaches. Though not widely publicized, a single dose of pain reliever such as Anacin or Excedrin contains up to 120 milligrams -- what's in a hefty mug o' Joe.

Boost to Athleticism

It's also caffeine -- and not coffee, per se -- that makes java a powerful aid in enhancing athletic endurance and performance, says physiologist and longtime coffee researcher Terry Graham, PhD, of the University of Guelph in Canada. So powerful, in fact, that until recently, caffeine in coffee or other forms was deemed a "controlled" substance by the Olympic Games Committee, meaning that it could be consumed only in small, designated amounts by competing athletes.

"What caffeine likely does is stimulate the brain and nervous system to do things differently," he tells WebMD. "That may include signaling you to ignore fatigue or recruit extra units of muscle for intense athletic performance. Caffeine may even have a direct effect on muscles themselves, causing them to produce a stronger contraction. But what's amazing about it is that unlike some performance-enhancing manipulation some athletes do that are specific for strength or sprinting or endurance, studies show that caffeine positively enhances all of these things."

How does this brew affect growing minds and bodies? Very nicely, it seems, says DePaulis. Coffee, as you probably know, makes you more alert, which can boost concentration. But claims that it improves a child's academic performance can be exaggerated. Coffee-drinking kids may do better on school tests because they're more awake, but most task-to-task lab studies suggest that coffee doesn't really improve mental performance, says DePaulis.

But it helps kids' minds in another way. "There recently was a study from Brazil finding that children who drink coffee with milk each day are less likely to have depression than other children," he tells WebMD. "In fact, no studies show that coffee in reasonable amounts is in any way harmful to children."

On the flip side, it's clear that coffee isn't for everyone. Its legendary jolt in excess doses -- that is, more than whatever your individual body can tolerate -- can increase nervousness, hand trembling, and cause rapid heartbeat. Coffee may also raise cholesterol levels in some people and may contribute to artery clogging. But most recent large studies show no significant adverse effects on most healthy people, although pregnant women, heart patients, and those at risk for osteoporosis may still be advised to limit or avoid coffee.

The bottom line: "People who already drink a lot of coffee don't have to feel 'guilty' as long as coffee does not affect their daily life," says Hu. "They may actually benefit from coffee habits in the long run."

In other words, consume enough caffeine -- whether it's from coffee or another source -- and you will likely run faster, last longer and be stronger. What's enough? As little as one cup can offer some benefit, but the real impact comes from at least two mugs, says Graham. By comparison, it'd take at least eight glasses of cola to get the same effect, which isn't exactly conducive for running a marathon.

But the harder you exercise, the more benefit you may get from coffee. "Unfortunately, where you see the enhancing effects from caffeine is in hard-working athletes, who are able to work longer and somewhat harder," says Graham, who has studied the effects of caffeine and coffee for nearly two decades. "If you a recreational athlete who is working out to reduce weight or just feel better, you're not pushing yourself hard enough to get an athletic benefit from coffee or other caffeinated products."

But you can get other benefits from coffee that have nothing to do with caffeine. "Coffee is loaded with antioxidants, including a group of compounds called quinines that when administered to lab rats, increases their insulin sensitivity" he tells WebMD. This increased sensitivity improves the body's response to insulin.

That may explain why in that new Harvard study, those drinking decaf coffee but not tea beverages also showed a reduced diabetes risk, though it was half as much as those drinking caffeinated coffee.

"We don't know exactly why coffee is beneficial for diabetes," lead researcher Frank Hu, MD, tells WebMD. "It is possible that both caffeine and other compounds play important roles. Coffee has large amounts of antioxidants such as chlorogenic acid and tocopherols, and minerals such as magnesium. All these components have been shown to improve insulin sensitivity and glucose metabolism."

Meanwhile, Italian researchers credit another compound called trigonelline, which gives coffee its aroma and bitter taste, for having both antibacterial and anti-adhesive properties to help prevent dental cavities from forming. There are other theories for other conditions.

2008-04-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Drinking May Raise Breast Cancer Risk

By Amanda Gardner
HealthDay Reporter 1 hour, 12 minutes ago

SUNDAY, April 13 (HealthDay News) -- Alcohol, consumed even in small amounts, increases the risk of breast cancer and particularly estrogen-receptor and progesterone-receptor positive breast cancer, a new study shows.

The findings, expected to be presented Sunday at the annual meeting of the American Association for Cancer Research, in San Diego, are followed by a second study that found an association between breast cancer risk and two genes involved in alcohol metabolism.

Previous data has suggested that consuming alcohol ups the risk of breast cancer, although the precise mechanisms have not been clarified.

In some forms of breast cancer, malignant cells have receptors that render them sensitive to hormones such as estrogen. The first study aimed to see if the hormone receptor status of the tumor influenced the relationship between alcohol consumption and breast cancer risk.

In the study, a team led by Dr. Jasmine Lew of the U.S. National Cancer Institute followed more than 184,000 postmenopausal women for an average of seven years.

Those who had less than one drink a day had a 7 percent increased risk of breast cancer compared to teetotalers, the team reported. Women who drank one to two drinks a day had a 32 percent increased risk, and those who had three or more glasses of alcohol a day had up to a 51 percent increased risk.

But the risk was seen mostly in those 70 percent of tumors classified as estrogen receptor- and progesterone receptor-positive. Researchers suspect that alcohol may have an effect on breast cancer via an effect on estrogen.

The risk was similar whether women consumed primarily beer, wine or spirits, the NCI team noted.

The second study dug deeper into other possible mechanism by which alcohol consumption increases breast cancer risk.

"For years, we've known that there's an association between alcohol drinking and breast cancer risk, but nobody knows yet what the underlying biological mechanisms are," said Dr. Catalin Marian, lead author of the study and a research instructor in oncology at the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. "The logical step was to begin analyzing the alcohol metabolizing genes."

And indeed, two of these genes -- ADH1B and ADH1C -- were associated with a two-fold increase in breast cancer risk.

But the study does not prove a definite cause-and-effect link. "This is an association," Marian said. "This type of study is good for generating hypotheses. It's not a definite conclusion. It needs to be replicated by other studies to say for sure that what we found is there."

Another researcher urged caution in interpreting the results of both studies.

"These studies are too early for use in a clinical setting or to advance a public health message," said Dr. Peter Shields, co-author of the genetics study and deputy director of the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center.

However, he added that the findings "really do advance science, and, with proper replication in other studies, then they may be highly clinically significant."

2008-04-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

Belly Up to the Salad Bar

WebMD Feature from "Men's Fitness" Magazine

By Elizabeth M. Ward, M.S., R.D.

RAW

Fresh spinach has nearly nine times the bone-building vitamin K of iceberg lettuce. Use at least 2 cups and you’ll get some hefty doses of zeaxanthin and lutein to protect your vision as well.

BRIGHTEN UP

Brightly colored produce generally serves up the most nutrients. For example, carrots and broccoli contribute beta-carotene (which the body can convert to vitamin A to bolster immunity, eyesight, and skin health) and anticancer compounds. The best salads include a variety of vegetables, such as artichoke hearts, beets, corn, red and green bell peppers, peas, plus lots of tomatoes (an excellent source of vitamin C).

PILE ON FREEBIES

They’re not nutritional superstars, but you can’t go wrong with cucumbers, mushrooms, celery, or zucchini. They’re low cal, and their exceptional water content helps to fill you up.

SKIP SPROUTS

They may look healthy, but raw alfalfa and mung sprouts have been linked to nearly 40% of recent food-related illnesses.

SKIRT THE CREAMY STUFF

Steer clear of all mayo-based concoctions. Just ½ cup of pasta salad runs about 115 calories and 5 grams of fat; potato salad costs you around 180 calories and 10 fat grams. If you must have them, skip the dressing on your green salad.

POUND PROTEIN

Aim for at least 25 grams of high-quality protein, which will help keep you fuller longer. The best salad bar sources include whole egg (7 grams); cottage cheese (7 grams per ¼ cup); tofu (6 grams per 1.4 ounces); chopped chicken or turkey (11 grams per ¹/³ cup); or plain tuna (23 grams per 3 ounces). Avoid using shredded cheese. A cup supplies 28 grams but has more fat than a Big Mac.

FILL UP ON FIBER

Although most vegetables are decent fiber sources, beans are the best. Include ½ cup of chickpeas (garbanzos) for 5 fiber grams, or get 8 grams with black beans. Three-bean salad is another worthy option.

GO NAKED

Toppings like bacon bits, fried chow mein noodles, and croutons are a tease, with few nutrients and lots of calories. Sunflower seeds are the one exception. Two tablespoons (100 calories) provide nearly half your daily quota for vitamin E, necessary for fighting off many forms of cell damage. At 61 calories per 2 tablespoons, raisins are another OK choice—if you can spare the calories.

CHANGE YOUR OIL

If you have to add some flavor to your vegetables, at least pick the right one. Prepared dressings are loaded with sodium, calories, and fat. Instead, top your salad with one tablespoon of heart-healthy olive oil plus as much red wine or balsamic vinegar as you want.

GET SOME ON THE SIDE

Man does not live by salad alone, and neither should you. For balance, choose 1 ounce of whole-grain bread to accompany your (now) healthy platter.

Originally published on February 1, 2008

2008-04-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

A License to Parent?

Recently I was discussing a few well publicized parenting outrages with a colleague. "I'm sick of kids being neglected and mistreated!" he said passionately and angrily. "I've decided we should make all parents earn a license before they are allowed to become parents. After all, everyone thinks it's OK for the state to mandate basic requirements before it allows us to drive a car."

"Why not then," he continued, "for the most important job of all to get right - that of being a parent? Then we could provide child development and child rearing classes to everyone before they actually had kids to raise. I'm convinced we can diminish the amount of child abuse and neglect in this country through this measure."

My colleague cited a book he had just read on the subject. I don't think I can really represent the position fairly, so if you'd like to read a more detailed rationale for the granting of parenting licenses, read the author's own words: THE RATIONALE FOR LICENSING PARENTS by Jack C. Westman, M.D.

Sounds like a good idea, right?

**********

I hope not. To be honest, the idea horrifies me, although I must admit I agree with the sentiment behind his modest proposal and that prospective parents should learn about child development and what constitutes basic parenting skills. Frankly I don't understand why these aren't part of the basic curriculum taught in all schools to all kids. And, alas, it is true (albeit rarely) that some parents just shouldn't keep having kids (as with a patient of mine whose first five kids are in foster care due to neglect and now she just had her sixth.)

**********

But even if we wanted to, could we really weed out those who will become rotten parents? I have been surprised so often I highly doubt it. Take Millie who was a stone cold neglectful cocaine addict when her child was an infant and who, against all odds, turned her life around and got clean and has been a great mom to her four kids since. Or Sally who, after doing OK with her first, had a second child who somehow sent her into a tailspin that turned her into an impossibly neglectful, depressed mom.

Secondly, can adequate parenting skills be taught? Or more importantly, can inadequate parenting skills be overcome by a simple course in child development? I wouldn't bet on it. Can we teach someone not to abuse their kids? Would that it was so simple! Can we teach parents to love their kids? Just what would taking a course for the license ensure anyway? Just what would it teach?

Thirdly, who gets to decide who shall bear children and who shall not? And just where would you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable future parenting skills? I would bet the bias against poor and minority families would especially play out here, as we denied them the right to parent in far greater numbers than we would economically advantaged parents.

Finally, just how would we as a society enforce the lack of a parenting license? The ways to do it seem to me to be too intrusive and horrible to contemplate (forced adoption? jail time?).

**********

Some human rights seem more untouchable to me than others, and the right to procreate without government interference has to be close to the top, even if you are unlikely to be a candidate for mother-of-the-year.

Extreme cases tend to lead to bad ideas and a license to parent is another one of them. Far better to devote enough resources to help families in trouble: high quality early child care and public school, universal health care for children, opportunities for economic self-sufficiency, more programs to help hopelessly inadequate parents, and more safeguards for kids who are exposed to such parents.

But "No" to authoritarian government intrusion into the lives and reproductive biologies of all families.

2008-04-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

To Vaccinate or Not--That is the Question!

My parents never thought twice about my vaccinations. It was required by the schools way back then (I'm 51) and for the most part still is. I know my folks' generation saw this scientific advancement as another way to protect their children.

But there are different schools of thought now on this subject and recent articles, as well as an Op-Ed in The New York Times brought the subject to light again.

And whenever the subject turns to prevention, we turn to our expert, Dr. Carl Baum of The Center for Children's Environmental Toxicology--Yale-New Haven Children's Hospital. He took a brief stroll down memory lane and what he remembered might startle you.

Here is what Dr. Baum had to say:

In 1990, a large measles outbreak produced over 27,000 cases and 89 deaths in the United States. In Philadelphia, where I was training in pediatrics, there were over 1400 cases, almost one-third of which occurred among members of 2 church groups in Philadelphia. By the following spring, 6 people had died.

This was a disaster that highlighted the global importance of prevention. As in many other disasters, a natural process can accelerate because effective preventive strategies fail or are circumvented. In the 1990 measles outbreak, the disease spread rapidly, predominantly among preschool-age children. It turns out that the Philadelphia church groups claimed religious exemption and refused vaccinations for their members.

Why dredge up this memory? Because it is also the future: there will be more "exemptions" (read: failures) to vaccinate children against preventable disease, and therefore more disasters. In the recent case of Hannah Poling, the 9-year-old autistic girl with mitochondrial disease, a federal vaccine claims court ruled--contrary to the medical literature--that vaccines had worsened her condition. As Dr. Paul Offit, one of the great teachers from my residency, recently wrote in an Op-Ed column in The New York Times ..."the system worked fine until a few years ago, when vaccine court judges turned their back on science...."

The irony is that many of the parents who exempt their children from vaccines believe they are doing their best to protect them. In fact, when abandoning effective preventive strategies, they are doing just the opposite.

Do you agree with Dr. Baum? Have you vaccinated your children? Or do you opt out? Let us know...this is an important issue and we want to hear what you have to say.

(c) Leah-Anne Thompson. Image from BigStockPhoto.com

2008-04-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

Urinary symptoms often affect women's sex life

By Jill Stein Mon Mar 31, 3:53 PM ET

MILAN (Reuters Health) - Women with lower urinary tract symptoms, or LUTS, are more likely to have sexual problems than women without LUTS, researchers reported here at the annual meeting of the European Association of Urology.

Dr. Con Kelleher, at Guy's and St. Thomas' Hospital Trusts in London, and colleagues examined the impact of LUTS on women's sexual functioning using a database that contains records from 333 general practices.

The study included 1,377,000 women 18 years of age or older who had been seen at one of the practices from 2000 through 2006.

The rate of sexual dysfunction among women with LUTS was twice that of women with no LUTS, researchers found.

The data also showed that women between 30 and 60 years of age were significantly more likely to report sexual dysfunction than women outside this age range.

Overall, the occurrence of overactive bladder, incontinence, and voiding problems, as well as sexual difficulties, increased markedly during the study period.

"The data suggest that the relationship between sexual dysfunction and LUTS (including overactive bladder) should be considered in women when diagnosing and treating these conditions," Kelleher said.

2008-04-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

Sex therapists: A few minutes is best

By MEGAN K. SCOTT, Associated Press Writer Thu Apr 3, 11:39 AM ET

NEW YORK - Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."

Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who believe that "more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner, you should last forever."

The questions were not gender-specific, said Corty (who, it must be noted, is male). But he said prior research has shown that both men and women want foreplay and sexual intercourse to last longer.

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women were armed with stopwatches.)

It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Md.

"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

Fifty members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the U.S. and Canada were surveyed by Corty, an associate professor of psychology at Penn State Erie, The Behrend College, and student Jenay Guardiani. Thirty-four members, or 68 percent, responded, although some said the optimal time depended on the couple.

Corty said he hoped to give an idea of what therapists find to be normal and satisfactory among the couples they see.

"People who read this will say, 'I last five minutes or my partner lasts 8 minutes,' and say, 'That's OK,'" he said. "They will relax a little bit."

2008-04-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

Yoga Program May Help Prevent Falls in Elderly

Fri Apr 4, 11:47 PM ET

FRIDAY, April 4 (HealthDay News) -- A specific type of yoga may help improve stability and balance in women over age 65, possibly helping them to avoid falls, a preliminary study reports.

After nine weeks of participating in an Iyengar yoga program designed for senior citizens, 24 elderly females had a faster stride, an increased flexibility in the lower extremities, an improved single-leg stance and increased confidence in walking and balance, according to the findings of researchers at Temple University's Gait Study Center.

The researchers, scheduled to present their findings Friday at the Gait and Clinical Movement Analysis Society's annual meeting in Richmond, Va., suggested that improving balance and stability through yoga could help reduce the risk of falling.

"We were very impressed at the progress our participants made by the end of the program," principal investigator Dr. Jinsup Song, director of the Gait Study Center, said in a prepared statement. "Subjects demonstrated improved muscle strength in lower extremities, which helps with stability.

There was also a pronounced difference in how pressure was distributed on the bottom of the foot, which helps to maintain balance."

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has said that falls are the leading cause of nonfatal injuries and hospital admissions for trauma among people aged 65 and older. Almost a third of older adults suffer some type of fall each year, the CDC reported.

The program was crafted specifically for elderly people who have had little or no yoga experience. The Iyengar technique, which is known for the use of props such as belts and blocks, was chosen to help participants gradually master the poses while building their confidence.

"In the past, similar studies have been done that look at gait and balance improvement in elderly females using a more aggressive form of yoga," Song said. "For this study, we worked to create a very basic regimen that taught participants proper ways to breathe, stand and pose."

Researchers also found that some participants who had unrelated back and knee pain were pain-free by the end of the study.

Song said he hoped the work will pave the way for a larger study on how Iyengar yoga affects the function of the foot to improve balance and stability and prevent falls.

2008-04-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them

How to resolve the most common relationship problems and get your love life back on track.

By Carol Sorgen
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Amal Chakraburtty, MD

It’s a rare couple that doesn’t run into at least a few relationship problems -- even when their love life is generally happy. It helps, experts say, to know what the most common problems in a relationship or marriage are. That way you’ll have a better chance of getting through them if they occur in yours. Scott Haltzman, MD, is a clinical assistant professor of psychology at Brown University in Providence, R.I. “Knowing what to expect from relationships -- the good, the bad, and the ugly -- is the best way to make sure you're not looking for something that will never be there,” Haltzman says.

Ideally, basic topics such as money, sex, and kids should be discussed before a couple decide to share their life together, says Margaret A. Cochran, PhD. Cochran is a San Francisco Bay area psychotherapist who coaches couples on resolving marriage problems and building romantic intimacy. But agreeing on these things, she says, doesn’t guarantee that a marriage or long-term relationship is going to be trouble free.

Marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, PhD, director of the NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage project at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, has identified seven common relationship problems and ways to address them. Her suggestions can help you get a wobbly relationship back on track.

Relationship problem #1: Lack of trust

Trust is an essential part of a relationship, Orbuch tells WebMD. “Trust becomes an issue when one partner doesn’t feel the other is being honest, or doesn’t have his or her best interests at heart,” she says. It can become a major issue if one of you feels the other has a roving eye — or worse, sees signs of a cheating spouse.

Orbuch‘s solution is a “trust talk.” You and your partner need to ask one another about your feelings about and experience with dependability and commitment. What are the behaviors that are causing you to lose trust in your partner or to doubt his or her commitment? Finally -- and Orbuch says you need to think about this carefully -- do you have unresolved issues of your own that hinder your ability to trust others? “You have to have a trustworthy partner,” Orbuch says, “but you also have to have the ability to trust.”

Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of When Your “Perfect Partner” Goes Perfectly Wrong, offers these tips to help you and your partner develop trust in each other.

Be consistent.
Be on time. When you have to be late, call and say you’ll be late.
Do what you say you will do, and call when you say you will call.
Don’t lie — not even little white lies — to your partner or to others.
Be fair, even in an argument.
Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree, but don’t discount how your partner feels.
Carry your fair share of chores.
Respect your partner’s boundaries.
Be a good listener.
Try not to overreact when things go wrong.
Don’t dig up old wounds. Remember that once you say things, you can’t take them back.
Don't be jealous.

Relationship problem #2: Issues with sex

Even partners who love each other can have problems in their sexual relationship, says Orbuch. Pointing to the thorny issues of frequency, satisfaction, types of sexual activity, and the role of physical intimacy in the rest of the relationship, Orbuch tells WebMD that the nature of sex can change over the course of a relationship. “The passage of time,” she says, “affects sexuality. Most couples don’t retain that urgent longing they first felt.”

Talking about your sexual relationship not only gets the issue out in the open, but can also be arousing, says Orbuch. “Talk about your fantasies, how often you’d like to have sex, what things you might like to try,” she says. For many women, talk leads to intimacy, though that’s not always true for men. Passion can also be fueled by “newness.” “Do something new and exciting with your partner," Orbuch says, "whether that’s taking a cooking class together or arranging a mystery date.”

Relationship problem #3: Not enough communication

“Many couples assume that handling daily tasks is communicating,” Orbuch says. “But true communication means sharing your goals and thoughts and dreams — not just talking about whose turn it is to pick up the kids.”

Orbuch tells WebMD it’s important to spend at least five minutes a day talking about topics other than work, your schedules, and your kids. “This can be in person, on the phone, or even in email,” she says. “Or make a point of gathering at the dinner table each night to talk. This is important even if you’re a couple without kids.” Childless couples can get stuck in communication ruts, too.

Communicating with each other can go a long way toward resolving your relationship problems. But don’t be hesitant to seek help from a professional counselor. “Whether you’re a new couple, in the middle of your relationship, or long-established partners," says Orbuch, "a third party can help you if you get stuck."

Relationship problem #4: Money issues

Money issues are a sore spot for many couples. Addressing them involves many questions, says Orbuch, from how much money you each think you should save to who earns more and who makes the financial decisions. “Money is an especially sensitive subject,” says Orbuch. “People just don’t like to talk about it."

Every three months, Orbuch says, you should schedule a “money talk.” Make a list of short- and long-term financial goals, and plan for how much you're spending and how much you're saving. “It’s not unusual for one partner to play a more primary role in money matters,” says Orbuch, “but the other partner should be involved and aware. One person shouldn't be making big financial decisions alone.”

Relationship problem #5: Dividing chores

“Who does what at home can be a source of conflict between couples,” says Orbuch. “Women like to feel that they’re part of a team. It doesn’t have to be 50-50, but it does have to be fair.”

Orbuch says you should choose a time when you’re not frustrated or angry and you're both feeling relaxed. Then discuss each of your expectations. Do you expect your husband to take out the trash? Does he expect you to cook dinner? If reality doesn’t meet your expectations, instead of being frustrated, look for solutions together that may work better for each of you.

Relationship problem #6: Managing conflict

Most couples argue from time to time. “It’s not the amount of conflict, but how you handle it,” says Orbuch. “Destructive behavior, such as yelling, shouting, or withdrawing, is not appropriate. You need to develop a constructive conflict style.”

Start by bringing up your concerns in a timely way, Orbuch says, but find the right time to talk. That’s not when the kids are clamoring for your attention, or when your partner has just walked in from work at the end of a long day. Remain as calm as possible, and use “I statements" to explain how you think and feel. For example: “I feel neglected when you don’t call if you’re going to be late,” instead of: “You’re so thoughtless you can’t even pick up a phone.” And, Orbuch says, make sure you’re really listening to what your partner is saying, not thinking about your response while he or she is talking. Keep lines of communication open — remember, disagreement doesn't necessarily mean disrespect.

Relationship problem #7: Maintaining compatibility

Compatibility doesn’t always mean having similar hobbies and interests, says Orbuch. Rather, it has more to do with having similar attitudes and values. “Couples who feel the same way about issues such as children, religion, and lifestyle are more likely to stay together,” Orbuch says.

The solution again is to talk, says Orbuch. “You don’t need to be compatible on all issues,” she says, “but you should think alike on at least some of the major issues in your relationship.” For the topics you don’t agree on, Orbuch tells WebMD, you should discuss whether there's room for compromise or negotiation, and how this might affect your relationship. For instance, Orbuch says, “If one of you really wants children and the other really doesn’t, you need to honestly evaluate whether you can maintain your relationship."

While you're resolving a relationship problem

If you're working on one of these relationship problems, says Karen Sherman, PhD, there are things you can do that will help you appreciate each other while you resolve them. Sherman, a New York psychologist and co-author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last, says you should keep the following in mind.

. Respect each other. Speak and behave respectfully toward one another. Don't humiliate or put your partner down, especially in public. When you speak with each other, speak as you did when you first started dating.

2. Show appreciation of one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate that you . . . ." It lets your partner know that he or she matters.

3. Be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs — and will be able to figure them out without your asking — is a Hollywood fantasy. “Ask for what you need directly,” says Sherman.

4. Recognize that the two of you are different, come from different families, and have been raised differently. Rather than getting annoyed or assuming that your partner doesn't care, open up and be receptive to learn about your partner's different way of doing things.

5. Use humor. Learn to let things go, and enjoy one another more. Have fun!

2008-04-02T14:31:00.000-07:00

Relaxation skills help some skip hypertension meds

Tue Apr 1, 4:41 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Learning stress management techniques could help people with a type of high blood pressure common among the elderly to eliminate their need for antihypertensive drugs, a new study shows.

Individuals with the condition, known as isolated systolic hypertension, who participated in relaxation training had a better chance of being able to drop at least one of their blood pressure drugs than individuals in a control group who did not participate in relaxation training, Dr. Jeffery A. Dusek of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and colleagues found.

If the findings are confirmed in patients with other types of hypertension, Dusek and colleagues conclude, the benefits in preventing stroke, heart attack, kidney failure and other ill effects of high blood pressure -- as well as reducing spending on drugs -- would be "incalculable."

As people age, their systolic blood pressure -- the top number in the blood pressure reading -- tends to rise, while their diastolic blood pressure, or the bottom number, often drops, Dusek and his team explain in the Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine.

Up to three-quarters of elderly people with hypertension have isolated systolic hypertension, which is a "therapeutic challenge" to treat effectively, given the risk of lowering diastolic blood pressure too much, as well as the fact that many elderly people take multiple medications, they note.

To determine whether learning stress management techniques could help people manage systolic hypertension without drugs, the researchers randomized 122 hypertensive men and women aged 55 and older to 8 weeks of relaxation response training or a control group. All were taking at least two antihypertensive drugs at the study's outset.

Individuals in the relaxation response group participated in weekly sessions that included 15 minutes of instruction in how to produce the response (such as mindfulness meditation and deep breathing), along with a guided 20-minute relaxation response session. They were instructed to listen to a 20-minute relaxation response tape every day.

Patients in the control group listened to a series of 20-minute tapes of instructions on lifestyle modification techniques.

At the end of 8 weeks, 44 people in the relaxation response group and 36 control group participants had reduced their blood pressure to target levels and were eligible for an additional 8 weeks of training that included supervised antihypertensive medication elimination.

Thirty-two percent of the study participants in the relaxation group were able to keep their blood pressure at the recommended level while eliminating one or more of their anti-hypertensive drugs, compared to 14 percent of those in the control group.

After the researchers controlled for various characteristics of people in each group, they found that being in the relaxation response group increased a person's chances of being able to drop at least one medication more than four-fold.

SOURCE: The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, March 2008.

2008-03-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

Are You a Workaholic?

You might as well face it -- you’re addicted to work. Could your workaholism be hurting you?

By Neil Osterweil
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

On the seventh day, even God rested.

But for workaholics, the day of rest never comes. There is always one more email to read, one more phone call to take, one more critically important trip to the office that can't wait until Monday.

Weekends? Holidays? Family? As the uber-workaholic Ebenezer Scrooge put it, "Bah, humbug!"

"It used to be that I never went on vacation without my laptop and a couple of beepers," says George Giokas, who describes himself as a "reformed" workaholic. When he was starting his company, StaffWriters Plus, in the pre-BlackBerry mid-1990s, Giokas spent more than a few late nights and nearly every Saturday at the office, he tells WebMD.

As he confessed to the online edition of Business Week in 1999, "I've struggled with the weekend issue many times, trying to figure out why I absolutely have to work then. It must be ingrained in me to the point of being a kind of addiction -- like going to the health club every day. If I miss one day, I feel awful."

But Giokas has since learned that the problems that pop up when he's away from the office will still be there when he gets back, and that what happens in the office stays in the office.

"I'm not the sort of person to bring home problems," he says, "and I don't dwell on issues. I get a pretty good night's sleep."

Workaholism: A Life Out of Balance

Not every workaholic, however, is able to achieve the balance that Giokas has found.

Justin Blanton, who practices law in California's Silicon Valley, tells WebMD that he is a workaholic and that the problem has only gotten worse in the four years since he wrote the following on his blog:

"Whether I'm reading a Harry Potter book on my PDA while waiting in the deli line, checking email on my phone as soon as my date makes for the ladies room, or heading back to my computer each commercial break (no TiVo… yet) -- I'm always checking something."

"It's gotten worse in the sense that it hasn't let up at all, and I feel more compelled to be busy," Blanton says today.

In a culture that prizes work ethic, overachievement, and financial success -- where gazillionaires such as Warren Buffett and Bill Gates are household names, and Donald Trump has his own television show -- people who are addicted to working are seen by outsiders as smart, ambitious, and entrepreneurial.

"The system is almost built to reinforce workaholics," says Simon A. Rego, PsyD, associate director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. "Those are the people who end up getting positive job evaluations, get opportunities for promotion, and see themselves getting bonuses or raises. It's almost like the system has a built-in model to give them free hits of what they're addicted to."

Even when out of the office, workaholics can satisfy their cravings with cell phones, PDAs, laptops, and WiFi, which ensure that work need never be out of reach.

But blaming technology for workaholism is like blaming the supermarket for food addiction or the corner liquor store for alcoholism, says Bryan E. Robinson, PhD, author of Chained to the Desk: A Guidebook for Workaholics, Their Partners and Children, and the Clinicians Who Treat Them.

Robinson and other clinicians who treat patients for work-associated stress say that working hard and having easy access to work does not automatically make someone a workaholic.

"It's important to understand the context," says Edmund Neuhaus, PhD, director of the Behavioral Health Partial Hospital Program at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass. "If you're working to the exclusion of your family, your marriage, other relationships, and your life is out of balance, or your physical health is out of balance -- when work takes an exclusive priority to everything else, that's the more extreme end of the spectrum where it becomes a problem," Neuhaus tells WebMD.

"The preoccupation with work is really at the core of what workaholism is," says Robinson, professor emeritus at the University of North Carolina, Charlotte, and a psychotherapist in private practice in Asheville, N.C. "I always say that the difference between someone who's a true workaholic and someone who's just a hard worker is that the workaholic is on the ski slopes dreaming about being back at work, and the hard worker is in the office dreaming about being on the ski slope."

Workaholism is remarkably similar to alcoholism in some ways. Just as an alcoholic will hide bottles around the house and drink furtively, for example, workaholics may try to sneak in work when they think no one is looking.

"It's something that I did in the throes of my own work addiction, and when I think about it now it sounds pretty sick," Robinson says. He once hid some work papers in his jeans after his family went through his suitcase looking for his secret stash while packing for a trip to the beach, he tells WebMD.

Other key signs of workaholism are:

Trouble delegating work (workaholics tend to be control freaks and micro-managers)
Neglecting other aspects of one's nonworking life (like the dad who never has time to attend Junior's school play)
Incorporating other aspects of life into work (such as trying to turn a hobby into a new business)

Workaholics: All Work and No Play

A workaholic might seem to be every CEO's dream: an employee who comes in early, stays late, doesn't take vacations, and takes on mountains of work. But those very qualities may make the workaholic a poor candidate for employee of the month because they often have more work than they can handle effectively, don't delegate, aren't team players, and are often more disorganized than their less compulsive colleagues, Robinson says.

In addition, workaholics may refuse to take time off, even when their work performance is affected -- although here cultural expectations and financial realities may come into play.

"People are afraid to take vacations because they're afraid that with all the downsizing and the economy being what it is that they'd be the first to go," Robinson says.

"I train residents at McLean Hospital," Neuhaus says, "and I tell them, 'You have to take vacations. Go away. You're not going to be any good to me if you don't take vacations.'"

Are Workaholics Hurting Their Health?

Like other forms of addiction, workaholism can have significant health consequences, experts say, including significantly higher work-related stress and job burn-out rates, anger, depression, anxiety, and psychosomatic symptoms such as stomachaches and headaches.

Despite the symptoms, workaholics may be in deep denial about their addiction, like a severely emaciated teen with anorexia who looks in the mirror and sees herself as obese.

Montefiore's Rego tells WebMD that workaholics often need prodding from family and friends to seek help when "the seesaw of life is tilted too much toward work."

One highly effective treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy, a form of psychotherapy focused on identifying and modifying negative thoughts and thought patterns.

"The workaholic might have a set of beliefs about the value of work which are misguided," Rego says. "And if you can intervene cognitively -- not to correct or get rid of them, but just make them a little more rational -- you might see a change in the behavior and consequent stress reaction."

Robinson helps workaholics develop a self-care plan examining five aspects of their lives: work, relationships, play, self, and spiritual life.

"This helps them see in black and white where their lives are lacking," Robinson says.

He also helps patients understand that they don't have to go cold turkey or quit their jobs, but find a balance in their lives and identify what's most important to them, whether it's family, friendships, religion, or beliefs.

Workaholics Anonymous, a national support group modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, publishes on its web site a list of questions that can help you determine whether you are a certified workaholic or just unusually diligent. Positive answers to three or more of the questions may signal the need for help. The group hosts meetings around the country where people with similar problems can share ideas anonymously and provide support and solutions that will help them balance their lives.

2008-03-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

Comprehensive sex ed may cut teen pregnancies

By Amy Norton Mon Mar 24, 4:08 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Comprehensive sex education that includes discussion of birth control may help reduce teen pregnancies, while abstinence-only programs seem to fall short, the results of a U.S. survey suggest.

Using data from a 2002 national survey, researchers found that among more than 1,700 unmarried, heterosexual teens between 15 and 19 years old, those who'd received comprehensive sex ed in school were 60 percent less likely to have been pregnant or gotten someone pregnant than teens who'd had no formal sex education.

Meanwhile, there was no clear benefit from abstinence-only education in preventing pregnancy or delaying sexual intercourse, the researchers report in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

The study found that teens who'd been through abstinence-only programs were less likely than those who'd received no sex ed to have been pregnant. However, the difference was not significant in statistical terms, which means the finding could have been due to chance.

In addition, there was no evidence that comprehensive sex education increased the likelihood of teen sex or boosted rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) -- a concern of people who oppose teaching birth control in schools.

While comprehensive sex ed did not clearly reduce the STD risk, there was a modest, but statistically insignificant reduced risk of engaging in sex. The abstinence-only approach had no effect on either factor, the researchers found.

"The bottom line is that there is strong evidence that comprehensive sex education is more effective than abstinence-only education at preventing teen pregnancies," said lead researcher Pamela K. Kohler, of the Center for AIDS and STD at the University of Washington in Seattle.

She told Reuters Health the study "also solidly debunks the myth that teens who learn about birth control are more likely to have sex."

Currently, the federal government champions the abstinence-only approach, giving around $170 million each year to states and community groups to teach kids to say no to sex. This funding precludes mention of birth control and condoms, unless it is to emphasize their failure rates.

Critics have long pointed out that studies have failed to show that abstinence-only education delays sex or lowers rates of teen pregnancy.

The current study is the first to compare the effects of comprehensive sex ed and abstinence-only education in a national survey, Kohler noted.

Of the teens in the study, two thirds said they had received comprehensive sex education, while about one quarter had had abstinence-only courses. Just under 10 percent said they'd received no formal sex education.

There is now a body of evidence showing that the comprehensive approach may cut the odds of teen pregnancy, without increasing the likelihood of teens having sex, according to Kohler.

However, she added, "there seems to be a gap between scientific evidence and policy change."

SOURCE: Journal of Adolescent Health, April 2008.

2008-03-22T06:54:00.000-07:00

Balance in Old Age Tied to Brain Changes

TUESDAY, March 18 (HealthDay News) -- The severity of age-related changes to white matter in the brain affects how well older people are able to move around and keep their balance, a new study says.

White matter changes -- called leukoaraiosis -- are common in older people.

The study participants included 639 women and men, ages 65 to 84, who underwent walking and balance tests, along with brains scans. The scans revealed that 284 of the volunteers had mild age-related changes to their brain's white matter, 197 had moderate changes, and 158 had severe changes.

Compared to those with mild changes, people with severe changes were twice as likely to score poorly on the walking and balance tests and twice as likely to have a history of falls. Participants with moderate changes were 1.5 times more likely than those with mild changes to have a history of falls.

The findings of the three-year study were published in the March 18 issue of the journal Neurology.

"Walking difficulties and falls are major symptoms of people with white matter changes and a significant cause of illness and death in the elderly," study author Dr. Hansjoerg Baezner, of the University of Heidelberg in Mannheim, Germany, said in a prepared statement.

"Exercise may have the potential to reduce the risk of these problems, since exercise is associated with improved walking and balance. We'll be testing whether exercise has such as protective effect in our long-term study of this group," said Baezner, who noted that mobility problems in older people often lead to hospitalization and nursing-home placement.

Monitoring white matter changes may assist early identification of walking problems, which have been linked to other health issues.

"Recently, gait abnormalities have been shown to predict non-Alzheimer's disease dementia, so recognition, early diagnosis and treatment of this disabling condition may be possible through early detection of walking and balance problems," Baezner said.

The causes of white matter changes and the reasons why it's worse in some people aren't fully understood. However, researchers have found evidence of a link to insufficiently treated high blood pressure.

2008-03-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

Good marriage equals good blood pressure

By MALCOLM RITTER, AP Science Writer Thu Mar 20, 7:59 PM ET

NEW YORK - A happy marriage is good for your blood pressure, but a stressed one can be worse than being single, a preliminary study suggests.

That second finding is a surprise because prior studies have shown that married people tend to be healthier than singles, said researcher Julianne Holt-Lunstad.

It would take further study to sort out what the results mean for long-term health, said Holt-Lunstad, an assistant psychology professor at Brigham Young University. Her study was reported online Thursday by the Annals of Behavioral Medicine.

The study involved 204 married people and 99 single adults. Most were white, and it's not clear whether the same results would apply to other ethnic groups, Holt-Lunstad said.

Study volunteers wore devices that recorded their blood pressure at random times over 24 hours. Married participants also filled out questionnaires about their marriage.

Analysis found that the more marital satisfaction and adjustment spouses reported, the lower their average blood pressure was over the 24 hours and during the daytime.

But spouses who scored low in marital satisfaction had higher average blood pressure than single people did. During the daytime, their average was about five points higher, entering a range that's considered a warning sign. (That result is for the top number in a blood pressure reading).

"I think this (study) is worth some attention," said Karen Matthews, a professor of psychiatry, psychology and epidemiology at the University of Pittsburgh. She studies heart disease and high blood pressure but didn't participate in the new work.

Few studies of the risk for high blood pressure have looked at marital quality rather than just marital status, she said.

It makes sense that marital quality is more important than just being married when it comes to affecting blood pressure, said Dr. Brian Baker, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Toronto.

2008-03-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

Anxiety Helps Elderly Women Live Longer

FRIDAY, March 14 (HealthDay News) -- Higher anxiety levels may help elderly women live longer, but may harm older men, U.S. research shows.

A team at the Cleveland Clinic and Case Western Reserve University followed 1,000 seniors in three Florida retirement communities for up to 15 years.

They found that women with higher levels of anxiety at the start of the study lived longer than others. Year-to-year changes in anxiety levels didn't appear to affect women's survival, either.

In contrast to women, men with higher anxiety levels at the start of the study were more likely to die earlier, the researchers said.

"Our research indicates that anxiety may have a protective effect on women, possibly causing them to seek medical attention more frequently than men," Dr. Jianping Zhang, of the department of psychiatry and psychology at the Cleveland Clinic, said in a prepared statement. "In contrast, increasing anxiety over time is more detrimental to men. Additional research is needed to better understand the mechanisms and effects of anxiety in men and women."

The study is noteworthy due to the large amount of data collected over a long period of time, noted co-researcher Dr. Leo Pozuelo, who is also in the department of psychiatry and psychology at the Cleveland Clinic.

"Baseline higher anxiety could have led the female study participants to be more active and health-conscious," Pozuelo said in a prepared statement. "We are not certain of the absolute connection between anxiety and mortality, but this data set shows there may be a gender difference."

The study was to be presented Thursday at the annual meeting of the American Psychosomatic Society.

2008-03-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

1 in 4 US teenage girls have had a sexually-transmitted disease: study

Wed Mar 12, 4:44 AM ET

CHICAGO (AFP) - One in four teenage girls in the United States has been infected with at least one sexually transmitted disease, according to a study released Tuesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The first study to examine the combined national prevalence of common STDs among adolescent women in the United States estimates that at least 3.2 million teens aged 14 to 19 are currently infected.

Since the study only tested for the four most common sexually transmitted diseases, it is possible that the total prevalence among US teens is greater than the study's rate of 26 percent, the authors warned.

"Today's data demonstrate the significant health risk STDs pose to millions of young women in this country every year," said Kevin Fenton, director of the CDC's National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD and TB Prevention.

"Given that the health effects of STDs for women -- from infertility to cervical cancer -- are particularly severe, STD screening, vaccination and other prevention strategies for sexually active women are among our highest public health priorities."

Half of the 838 girls who participated in the study reported ever having sex and of those, 40 percent were infected with an STD.

African American girls were particularly at risk: 48 percent of all African American girls were infected with an STD compared to 20 percent of white teens tested.

The most common STD overall was human papillomavirus, or HPV, with an infection rate of 18.3 percent.

Chlamydia was discovered in 3.9 percent of the teens, trichomoniasis in 2.5 percent and herpes in 1.9 percent.

Among teens who had an STD, 15 percent had more than one.

Infections rate rose to 50 percent among girls with three or more partners while 20 percent of those who had only had sex with one person had been infected.

"High STD infection rates among young women, particularly young African-American women, are clear signs that we must continue developing ways to reach those most at risk," said John Douglas, director of the CDC's Division of STD Prevention.

"STD screening and early treatment can prevent some of the most devastating effects of untreated STDs."

The CDC recommends HPV vaccination for all girls and women between the age of 11 and 26 and annual Chlamydia screening for sexually active women under the age of 25.

While most HPV infections will clear on their own, some will persist and can cause cervical cancer.

Two other studies released Tuesday found inadequate screening of high-risk teens.

The first found that just 27 percent of young women seeking emergency contraception were screened for chlamydia or gonorrhea.

The second found that only 38 percent of young women receiving contraceptive services associated with unprotected sex such as pregnancy tests were offered STD testing, counseling or treatment.

2008-03-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

Are fat moms to blame for fat kids? Answer unclear

Tue Mar 11, 2:28 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - British researchers who tried to show why overweight mothers tend to have overweight children said on Monday they had filled in one small piece of the puzzle.

Their reassuring finding: women who are too fat when pregnant are probably not somehow driving the obesity epidemic by programming their children to be fat.

But there is a strong link between overweight mothers and overweight children that still needs to be explained, Debbie Lawlor of Britain's University of Bristol and colleagues said.

Lawlor's team looked at the developmental overnutrition hypothesis -- the idea that if a woman is overweight during pregnancy, the higher levels of sugar and fatty acids in her blood would affect the developing fetus, dooming or at least predisposing the child to poor appetite control and a slower metabolism.

"The offspring of these mothers would be expected to be programmed to become more obese themselves," Lawlor's team wrote in their report, published in the Public Library of Science journal PLoS Medicine.

They studied 4,091 mothers, their children born in 1991-1992 and the fathers of these children. They also studied the DNA of everyone, height, weight and body mass index, which is a measurement of obesity, as well as smoking, education and other factors.

They did find that if a child became overweight by age 9 or 11, the mother was more likely to have been overweight or obese than was the father.

Then they looked at one gene that may explain this association -- the "fat mass and obesity associated," or FTO gene. FTO has been shown to predispose people to type 2 diabetes if they are overweight.

They found that people with certain variants of FTO are more likely to become overweight. Inheritance from the mother appeared to have a stronger effect, although why was not clear.

"At this stage, the exact mechanisms by which FTO results in increased BMI are not known. Consequently, we cannot discount it having an effect via dietary and physical activity behaviors," Lawlor's team wrote in the report, available online at http://medicine.plosjournals.org/perlserv/?request=get-document& doi=10.1371/journal.pmed.0050033.

What they did conclude was that obese mothers are unlikely to be driving a growing obesity epidemic by having babies who are metabolically programmed to get fat as they get older.

But mothers are somehow involved in other ways, they added.

In a commentary, Frank Hu of the Harvard School of Public Health said the study was unable to disprove the overnutrition hypothesis.

Hu said the obesity epidemic is clearly alarming and other researchers should be doing studies like Lawlor's to make sure that a "vicious cycle" of obese mothers, children and thus grandchildren is not somehow causing it.

(Reporting by Maggie Fox, Editing by Philip Barbara)

2008-03-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

Ex-model Waris Dirie found in Belgium

AP Photo: Waris Dirie poses during a photocall at the 'Women's World Awards' in Hamburg, Germany,in...

By PAUL AMES, Associated Press Writer Mon Mar 10, 7:42 AM ET

BRUSSELS, Belgium - Police on Friday found Waris Dirie, three days after the Somali-born model who launched a worldwide campaign against female genital mutilation had vanished.

Dirie, 43, appeared to be in good health and was being questioned by police about the disappearance, said Estelle Arpigny, a spokeswoman for the prosecutor's office.

She declined to give further details, saying it was unclear what had happened since Dirie vanished early Wednesday. Belgian media reports said police found her Friday afternoon walking the Brussels' Grand Place square.

Hours earlier, police had announced they were launching a nationwide search for the former model, who had last been seen getting into a cab after a mix-up over a hotel.

Dirie gained international fame as a model posing in Chanel ads and acting in the 1987 James Bond movie "The Living Daylights" before launching her campaign against female genital mutilation in 1996.

She shocked the world with a best-selling book "Desert Flower" that described how her genitals were sliced off with a dirty razor blade without anesthesia, and then stitched together.

Now a U.N. goodwill ambassador, she was due to speak on genital mutilation in Brussels at two conferences on women's rights organized by the European Union, including one on Thursday attended by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

News of Dirie's disappearance came a week after French police said they had found the body of another former model of African origin who had campaigned against female genital mutilation. Guinean-born Katoucha Niane was discovered floating in the River Seine in Paris.

The French police said an autopsy showed no signs of foul play, raising the possibility that she may have fallen accidentally into the river. However, Katoucha's family members say they suspect homicide.

Dirie's manager, Walter Lutschinger, said she had been involved in an altercation in a hotel reception area after a taxi driver took her to the wrong branch of the Sofitel hotel chain. The police were called and drove Dirie around Brussels looking for the correct hotel because she had apparently forgotten where she was staying.

At one hotel, while staff and police were checking for her name on a computer, Meilleur said Dirie stepped out saying she planned to buy cigarettes from an all-night kiosk, but instead climbed into a taxi and drove away.

An Austrian citizen, Dirie was attacked in her Vienna apartment in 2004 by a Portuguese handyman who had stalked her. The man was given a five-month suspended sentence by an Austrian court.

___

Associated Press writers Constant Brand and Aoife White in Brussels and George Jahn in Vienna contributed to this report.

___

On the Net:

Waris Dirie Foundation: http://www.waris-dirie-foundation.com

2008-03-08T01:28:00.000-08:00

Ginkgo biloba may protect memory: study

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Taking the herbal supplement ginkgo biloba may help delay the onset of cognitive impairment in normal elderly adults, according to a study published online Wednesday.

However, the study also showed a higher incidence of strokes and "mini-strokes" in ginkgo users. The reasons for this are unclear and require confirmation in other studies, the investigators say.

Extracts of ginkgo biloba are among the most widely used dietary supplements. The herb is marketed as a memory enhancer, and some studies have suggested it may help improve memory and other mental functions in people with dementia.

"One of the most pressing public health problems facing our society is the rapidly growing number of people who, due to their age alone, are at high risk of developing dementia. The potential to delay or prevent this is of great importance," study chief Dr. Hiroko H. Dodge, from the Oregon State University in Corvallis, said in a statement.

The three-year study involved 118 people age 85 and older with no memory problems. Half of them took ginkgo biloba extract three times a day and half took a placebo.

During the study, 21 people developed mild memory problems, or questionable dementia: 14 of those took the placebo and 7 of those who took the ginkgo extract. Although there was a trend favoring ginkgo, the difference between those who took ginkgo and those who took placebo was not statistically significant.

However, when the researchers took into account whether people followed directions in taking the study pills, they found that people who reliably took ginkgo had a 68 percent lower risk of developing mild memory problems than those who took the placebo.

"These results need to be clarified with larger studies, but the findings are interesting because ginkgo biloba is already widely used, readily available, and relatively inexpensive," Dodge said.

As noted, more strokes and mini-strokes were seen in the ginkgo group. Seven people taking ginkgo had strokes, while none of those taking placebo did. "Ginkgo has been reported to cause bleeding-related complications, but the strokes in this case were due to blood clots, not excessive bleeding, and were generally not severe," Dodge noted in a statement.

"Further studies are needed to determine whether ginkgo biloba has any benefits in preventing cognitive decline and whether it is safe," he added.

SOURCE: Neurology, online February 27, 2008.

2008-03-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

Your Brain on Creativity

To Get Your Creative Juices Flowing, Your Inner Critic Must Hush

By Miranda Hitti
WebMD Medical News

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Feb. 29, 2008 -- For creativity to have a chance, the brain needs to get out of its own way and go with the flow.

That's the bottom line from a new study on creativity.

The study included six full-time professional jazz musicians. They got their brains scanned while playing a scale or a memorized jazz piece exactly as written and again when they were free to improvise, riffing off the assigned music.

When they improvised, the brain's dorsolateral prefrontal and lateral orbital regions were far less active -- and another brain area, the medial prefrontal cortex, was more active.

The brain regions that were quiet during improvisation are involved in consciously monitoring, evaluating, and correcting behaviors, write the researchers.

In contrast, the medial prefrontal cortex allows self-expression, in this case in the form of jazz improvisation, according to the study.

But creativity isn't just about self-expression. The brain's sensory regions were more active during improvisation.

"It's almost as if the brain ramps up its sensorimotor processing in order to be in a creative state," researcher Charles Limb, MD, says in a news release.

"One important thing we can conclude from this study is that there is no single creative area of the brain -- no focal activation of a single area," says Allen Braun, MD, in the news release. "You see a strong and consistent pattern of activity throughout the brain that enables creativity."

Limb, who wrote the jazz piece that the musicians memorized, worked on the study while he was a research fellow with the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD). He's now an otolaryngologist at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and a faculty member at Johns Hopkins' Peabody Conservatory of Music.

Braun, who worked with Limb on the study, is the chief of the language section in the NIDCD's intramural research division.

2008-03-05T03:13:00.000-08:00

Why men lose interest in sex -- and 8 tips to rekindle desire.

By Susan Seliger
WebMD Feature

Men don’t like to talk about it; neither do their partners. But loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other sexual dysfunction, according to Barry McCarthy, co-author of Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages.

Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many women. “But when men lose interest in sex it scares them more than women -- their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality that it is very threatening,” says Esther Perel, a couples therapist in New York city and author of Mating in Captivity.

Loss of libido also makes men more unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does women. Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general vs. 46% of women, says Edward Laumann, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago co-author of The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. “It bothers men more.”

But loss of libido is not something you have to live with. There is much you can do to regain your sex drive and your happy outlook on life.

How Do You Know if You have a Problem With Loss of Libido?

Libido loss doesn’t usually happen suddenly – it’s not like catching a cold where you wake up one morning and whoops, there it is. It can be a gradual process. Though difficult to define precisely, Laumann measures it as follows: “It is a lack of interest in sex for several months of the past year.”

Frequency of sexual activity is not the best measure of sexual interest – so many circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is there. But if you are in a committed relationship and having sex less often than the norm -- about once a week – you might ask yourself whether you are happy with things as they are.

If you’re not happy about your loss of libido, researchers agree that it is best to grapple with these issues before they become entrenched. To help identify the early warning signs, see whether you answer the following questions true or false:

Touching takes place only in the bedroom.
Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.
One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.
You no longer look forward to sex.
Sex is mechanical and routine.
You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse.
You have sex once or twice a month at most.

“If you answered true to many or most of these questions, you may be on your way to losing sexual desire,” writes McCarthy. Understanding the various causes is the first step to finding the appropriate resolution.

What Accounts for Loss of Libido in Men?

The causes of this complex problem range from the physical and medical to the psychological and social. Quick fixes don’t solve everything.

Erectile Dysfunction Causes Loss of Libido

Impotence, or ED, erectile dysfunction, is not the same as loss of libido, but when you experience one, sooner or later you are likely to feel the other as well. “Only 7% of young men report being unable to keep an erection,” Laumann says. Though ED does increase with age: “It’s 12% by age 40, 18% for ages 50-59; and then a sharp rise by age 60 to 25%to 30%,” says Laumann.

The good news: depending on the cause, “drugs can help that,” Laumann says. Vasodilators, such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, enhance blood flow to the penis. It also helps to understand that it’s normal for erections to come and go during lovemaking -- "It can happen two to five times in a 45-minute sexual session,” McCarthy says.

Performance Anxiety and Loss of Libido

Men report two major problems -- anxiety about performance and climaxing too early, according to Laumann. Almost one in three men report premature ejaculation, while under one in five are worried about performance, according to Laumann.

And the anxiety doesn’t stop there. Many modern, loving, and conscientious husbands feel they have not truly “performed” unless their partners climax during sex, too. And as Laumann’s statistics show, only 26% of women report that they always experience orgasm during sex, compared with 75% of men. No wonder men feel the pressure – and performing under pressure can cause loss of libido.

Stress Leads to Loss of Libido

Job stress and self-esteem are also big factors. “If a man’s performance at work is challenged, and he doesn’t feel he is achieving or doesn’t feel self-worth, he often numbs himself sexually,” says Perel, “Desire is a healthy form of entitlement -- when you don’t feel deserving, you shut down.”

Medical Conditions Can Cause Loss of Libido

A variety of medical problems and chronic physical conditions can diminish a man's sex drive. Serious illnesses, such as cancer and depression, can certainly dampen any thoughts of sex. Cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and diabetes can reduce blood flow to the body, including the genitals, wreaking havoc on libido as well. Chronic alcoholism and even occasional excessive alcohol consumption are notorious for inflaming desire but impeding performance. Conditions such as thyroid disorders and tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones) can also lower libido.

Medications Can Interfere With Libido

The class of depression drugs called SSRIs can inhibit desire. So can tranquilizers and blood pressure medications. Illicit substances, such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, when used heavily and chronically, may also cause loss of libido. On the positive side, when you talk to your doctor about these issues, there are alternative drugs for depression and other conditions that may have less of an impact on sexual desire.

The Quality of the Relationship Is an Important Part of Libido

It is not only women who respond – with sexiness or inhibited sexuality – to how happy they are in their relationship. Problems with sex can – but do not always – signal other problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Anger and disappointment often carry over into the bedroom.

Too Much Togetherness Can Sap Libido

The paradox of modern relationships is that greater intimacy may not make for better sex. “Sometimes too much closeness stifles desire; fire needs air,” says Perel.. “Separateness is a precondition for connection. When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire.”

The Wrong Kind of Respect Can Cause Loss of Libido

For some men, the very love and respect they have for their partners – especially after the birth of a baby – can become an obstacle to sexual desire. “A lot of men find it difficult to eroticize the mother of their children. It feels too regressive, too incestuous,” says Perel. And of course, if they are pulling their weight in the care of a baby or young children, the resulting exhaustion can sap libido for men as surely as it does for women.

Even where children are not involved, Perel reports that some men say things like, “I can’t do that with my wife.” Her advice? In the first instance, get some sleep. In the second, you never know until you try.

8 Tips for Rekindling Libido

The advice here is not so much about getting more, but getting better. Frequency is not the only measure of libido. Feelings count, too. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it before, during, and after, that is the true measure of whether your libido is healthy. Here’s how to help combat loss of libido.

Get physical and Boost Libido

“When you have no desire you feel frozen. Juice is not flowing – so movement is important, figuratively as well as literally,” say Perel. “It gets people unstuck.” Take up a sport, go walking, with or without your partner. If you already walk or run or work out, try challenging yourself just a little bit further, so you feel a sense of accomplishment and vitality. That physical confidence will carry over into sexual confidence.

Keep Expectations Real

It may take the pressure off performance anxiety to bear in mind that not every sexual encounter has to be perfect. Probably only about 40% to 50% of sexual events can be mutually satisfying, McCarthy writes in his book. If you laugh off moments when things don’t work right, your partner will be more likely to want to experiment the next time around, since it takes some pressure and guilt off of her, too.

Use Imagination to Fight Loss of Libido

Yes, exploring your fantasies is now regarded by marriage therapists as a good thing. If you want your partner to share in the joy, you may want to both explore further some of the newer erotic literature and films that include female fantasies as well as male. After you’ve shared yours, ask your partner about her fantasies. If she says she doesn’t have any, don’t stop there. Instead, ask her to name just one thing she has ever wished a man would do to give her pleasure. (That’s a fantasy, but she may not call it that.)

Build Anticipation to Combat Loss of Libido

Sure, the idea of sex being utterly spontaneous -- no planning, just the heat of the moment -- sounds great. But for anyone with jobs, family, and real lives, there just may not be enough hours in the day to wait for the inclination to arise. Instead, turn planning into an opportunity to build anticipation, the way you look forward to going to a basketball game. Take pleasure in the details – get your partner a little gift, put on your favorite music from college days, turn off the phones and hire a babysitter to take the kids out to a long movie so there will be no interruptions.

5. Focus on the Whole Body to Boost Libido.

For men, sexuality tends to be focused disproportionately on the genitals. Focusing on the other erogenous zones can ease performance pressure – and add new pleasure. Where sexual satisfaction is concerned, the shortest distance between two points – from arousal to orgasm -- is not necessarily a straight line to the genitals. Take detours along the whole body, for yourself and your partner. Be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented. Tease and touch and take your time.

Talk About What You Want to Increase Libido

Talking is hard in the best of times, but even harder if you have been avoiding sex together and tension is high. So if you can’t talk, get one of the dozens of excellent sex books out there and point to a chapter. Cozy up and read it together. Look at the pictures, laugh – and let your partner know you’re open to making things better between you.

7. Go Out With Friends Together

Desire feeds on newness. When you go out to a dinner party with other people, you get the chance to see your partner in a fresh light. You remember how interesting and exciting she is – and she gets to see you shine as well. You remember why you were attracted to each other in the first place.

Specialists Can Help Combat Loss of Libido

When you have an electrical problem, you call an electrician, right? Sex and marital specialists can be just as helpful when it comes to loss of libido, so get over your resistance to asking for directions, and call one.

Check with your doctor or urologistto rule out any medical conditions that may be playing a part. If you are taking medication, such as an antidepressant, that may be causing loss of libido, discuss alternatives with your doctor.

2008-03-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

Looking for a great simple supper? Whip up a hearty and filling soup.

By Elaine Magee, MPH, RD
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic - Expert Column

Reviewed by Kathleen M. Zelman, MPH, RD, LD

One of the best "light" dinner options when the weather is cold is soup! Just pair a big bowl of soup with a wheat roll or some wheat crackers, and call it a meal. I always have some favorite canned soups in my pantry so anyone in the family can serve themselves some soup in l5 minutes. But there’s something to be said for slowly simmering a homemade pot of soup over the stove until the flavors meld together perfectly. From chicken matzo ball soup to hearty lentil soup, it can really hit the spot on a cold day or night. Read on for some healthy and low-fat soup recipes, as well as tips on how to make any soup recipe lighter.

Soup for Supper

Can soup suffice as supper? If you are accustomed to eating light at night -- or if this is something you're moving toward -- a bowl of soup can definitely work as a satisfying evening meal.

Here are three reasons why:

It’s almost impossible to slam down a bowl of soup. You have to eat slowly and enjoy each spoonful.
The high liquid content of most soups does a great job of filling your stomach.

If the soup or stew is high in fiber (from beans, vegetables, and/or whole grains), it will also help add bulk to your meal and thus help you feel full longer.

Light and Low-Fat Soups

As long as the soup you're slurping is broth- or tomato-based, you usually can't get into too much trouble, calorie-wise. A cup of broth, by itself, is about 25 calories with 1 to 2 grams of fat. A cup of tomato juice is about 40 calories and 1 gram of fat.

But with a cream-based soup, all bets are off. One cup of light whipping cream (in liquid form) is about 700 calories and 74 grams of fat, while 1 cup of half-and-half is 315 calories and 28 grams of fat. Wowza! Switching to whole milk in your creamy soup recipes is sounding a "whole" lot better now, isn't it?

One cup of whole milk is about 150 calories and 8 grams of fat. Using whole milk will usually give your soup the creamy taste and texture you desire, but without all the excess calories and fat. The lower-fat options for "cream" like whole milk, low-fat milk, and fat-free half-and-half are more sensitive to high heat, so avoid boiling and add them to the soup toward the end just to warm.

Here's a chart of the calories, fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, and fiber found in soup base ingredients so you can compare them for yourself:

Ingredient 1 (cup)	Calories	Fat (g)	Sat. Fat (g)	Cholesterol (mg)	Fiber (g)
Light whipping Cream, liquid	698	74	46	265	0
Half-and-half	315	28	17	89	0
Whole milk	150	8	5	33	0
Stewed tomatoes, Canned	66	0.4	0	0	4
Tomato juice	41	0.1	0	0	2
Chicken/beef broth	25	1	0.5	~2	0.5

4 More Tips for Low-Fat and Healthy Soups

Here are four more tips to help you keep your soup recipes low fat and healthy:

1. If your soup recipe calls for meat, choose leaner cuts whenever possible, like skinless chicken or turkey breast, pork tenderloin, or sirloin steak trimmed of visible fat. If the recipe calls for sausage, substitute a less-fat turkey sausage (such as turkey polska kielbasa links). Remember that you can usually get by with half as much as the recipe calls for.

2. When using fresh herbs, add them toward the end of cooking or stir them in right before serving. Some fresh herbs even work well sprinkled on as a garnish. Add dried herbs in the beginning or middle of cooking so they have plenty of time to rehydrate and give off their flavor.

3. If the soup recipe calls for stirring in butter at the end of the cooking process, just don’t go there. If it calls for sautéing vegetables in butter in the beginning, just use a tablespoon of olive oil or canola oil instead. If you need more moisture as the vegetables are browning, add in a couple of tablespoons of water, wine, or broth.

4. Pump up the fiber in your soups by adding beans when possible and use whole grains like barley, brown rice, wild rice, or whole wheat blend pastas instead of refined grains.

3 Healthy, Low-Fat Soup Recipes

Here are three new light and nutritious soup recipes to try this winter!

Moroccan Lentil Soup/Stew

WebMD Weight Loss Clinic members: Journal as 1 1/2 cups "hearty stew"

1 large onion, chopped (about 1 1/2 cups)

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon minced fresh ginger (or 1/2 teaspoon ground dried ginger)

1 tablespoon olive or canola oil

6 cups low-sodium chicken or beef broth (water can also be used)

1 1/2 cups red lentils, dried

15-ounce can garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained

14.5-ounce can diced tomatoes (tomatoes and any juice), low sodium if available

3/4 cup diced carrots

3/4 cup chopped celery (about 3 medium stalks)

1 teaspoon garam masala (a spice blend)

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cardamom

1/2 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

6 tablespoons fat-free sour cream (optional garnish)

Add onions, garlic, ginger and olive to a large nonstick saucepan and cook over medium-high heat, stirring often (about 7 minutes). Add the broth, lentils, garbanzo beans, diced tomatoes, carrots, celery, garam masala, cardamom, cayenne pepper, and cumin.
Bring stew to a boil, then lower heat to simmer, cover saucepan, and continue to cook until lentils are soft (about 1 to 1 1/2 hours.)
Ladle about a third to a half of the soup into a large food processor or blender and pulse to briefly puree. Pour soup puree back into the pot and stir. Serve each bowl with a dollop of fat-free sour cream, if desired.

Yield: 6 large servings

Per serving: 321 calories, 21 g protein, 52 g carbohydrate, 5.5 g fat, 1.5 g saturated fat, 5 mg cholesterol, 11.4 g fiber, 323 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 15%.

Winter Chicken & Barley Soup

WebMD Weight Loss Clinic members: Journal as 1 cup "hearty stew"

1 tablespoon olive or canola oil

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 cup chopped celery

2 cups sliced mushrooms (about 6 ounces)

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1 cup chopped carrots

1 1/2 cups chopped, cooked skinless chicken breast (about 7 ounces cooked)

5 cups low-sodium chicken broth

2/3 cup pearl barley

1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley (or 1 tablespoon parsley flakes)

1/3 slivered almonds, toasted (toast by heating over medium heat in nonstick frying pan, stirring often, until golden brown)

Pepper to taste

Salt to taste (optional)

Add oil to a large nonstick saucepan over medium heat. Stir in onions, celery, mushrooms and garlic and sauté until mushrooms are lightly browned (about 7 minutes).
Stir in carrots, chicken, and broth and bring to boil. Stir in the barley, cover the saucepan, and reduce heat to simmer. Cook for about an hour or until barley is just tender.
Turn off the heat and stir in parsley and almonds. Add pepper to taste and salt to taste if desired.

Yield: 6 servings

Per serving: 246 calories, 18 g protein, 26 g carbohydrate, 9.5 g fat, 2 g saturated fat, 32 mg cholesterol, 6 g fiber, 156 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 33%.

Light New England Clam Chowder

WebMD Weight Loss Clinic members: Journal as 1 1/2 cup of "cream based soup" OR 1 cup "hearty stews"

3 medium to large red potatoes, cubed

1/2 cup chopped or sliced celery (about 2 large stalks)

1 medium onion, chopped

1/4 cup flour

4 cups whole milk (low-fat milk can also be used)

2 tablespoons whipped butter or less fat margarine

1 teaspoon salt (optional)

1 teaspoon sugar

1 cup chopped clams (2, 6.5-ounce cans chopped clams, drained)

10 drops Tabasco sauce

1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

Freshly ground pepper to taste

Add potatoes, celery, and onion to a large, nonstick saucepan and add just enough water to cover. Bring to a boil and cook until tender (about 15 minutes).
While vegetables are boiling, add flour and 1/4 cup milk to a 2-cup measure and stir to make a paste. Stir in another 1/4 cup of milk. Melt butter or margarine in a medium, nonstick saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the flour and milk mixture, then slowly whisk in the remaining 3 1/2 cups milk. Stir in the salt, if desired, and the sugar and continue cooking and stirring until soup is nicely thickened (about 5 minutes).
Add the milk mixture to the potato mixture in large saucepan and stir in the clams and Tabasco sauce. Cover saucepan and simmer for 15 minutes.
Stir in Parmesan and pepper to taste.

Yield: 8 servings

2008-02-29T01:30:00.000-08:00

Feeling Hormonal?

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine By Aviva Patz

Hey, we all are. Hormones control just about every aspect of our physical and mental health — and when they go off-kilter, they can trigger anything from acne and insomnia to memory loss and weight gain. It's enough to ruin any woman's day. Here, 6 common side effects of hormonal flux, plus how to balance yours.

Think hormones take over your life once a month — the cramps, cravings, bloat, and mood swings that make so many of us miserable? That's giving these natural chemicals far too little credit. The reality is that our bodies produce dozens of hormones that control virtually everything we do: from how we think, eat, sleep, and cope with stress to how clear our complexions and how fit our figures are. And when levels of just one hormone fluctuate, the shift can have serious consequences for your mental, emotional, and physical health. Here, six signs your hormones may have gone awry, and what you can do to help restore a healthy balance.

Stubborn Acne

Nearly half of women suffer embarrassing breakouts during the week before their period thanks to normal hormone shifts. But if you've got acne all month long — the deep, cystic kind that no over-the-counter cream can conquer — androgens (male hormones such as testosterone) may be to blame. "A lot of people think acne comes only from diet or lack of hygiene, but it's essentially hormonal, and testosterone is always at the root of it," says endocrinologist Geoffrey Redmond, M.D., author of The Hormonally Vulnerable Woman. Testosterone stimulates excess production of sebum, or oil, that gets trapped beneath the skin's surface and mixes with acne-causing bacteria and dead skin cells, Redmond explains. The result: clogged pores and ugly blemishes. And the higher a woman's testosterone levels — or the greater her sensitivity to the hormone — the more severe her breakouts.

To restore balance: If you're not already taking birth control pills, consider starting. "Oral contraceptives lower levels of free testosterone — the type that's floating around in your blood and causing blemishes — by 50 percent," says Redmond. If you're on the Pill and it's not helping your skin, it may be the formulation. Redmond's top complexion-clearing picks: Ortho Tri-Cyclen and Yasmin, both of which have higher levels of estrogen and lower levels of androgen than certain other pills. Also, avoid any made with levonorgestrel, such as Alesse and Levlite. This synthetic form of progesterone mimics testosterone's effects and may cause breakouts.

If you'd rather not take oral contraceptives at all, spironolactone (marketed as Aldactone) may be your best bet. This drug was shown to safely clear up women's skin by blocking testosterone receptors, thus inhibiting the hormone's activity, according to research at the University of Toronto and elsewhere. Spironolactone has been approved by the FDA only for treating hypertension — not for acne — which means you'll need to find a doctor who will prescribe it off-label. (Note: You can't take it during pregnancy.)

Memory Lapses

Can't remember where you just set down your cell phone? Or what time you told your guy you'd meet him for dinner? You're too young to forget all this stuff...aren't you? Not necessarily. If you're under any amount of long-term stress — dealing daily with a micromanaging boss, staying up nights with a colicky infant, taking care of a sick loved one — your body is constantly pumping out stress hormones such as cortisol. And studies suggest that consistently high levels of cortisol can hamper your ability to learn new things and remember them later. In fact, it could permanently damage brain cells, particularly in the hippocampus, where information is tagged for long-term memory.

To restore balance: You'll like this advice. Think of your favorite healthy hobbies — solving Sudoku, walking with your pup, munching on raspberries from your garden — and simply do them more often. In a recent study, people who practiced lifestyle changes like these that were intended to help reduce stress, boost memory skills, and encourage healthy eating and physical fitness had greater powers of recall after just two weeks, possibly due to lower stress hormone levels, says lead author Gary Small, M.D., a psychiatry professor at UCLA and author of The Longevity Bible. More ways to mellow out: Try meditation, yoga, or any moderately intense aerobic exercise; express your spirituality or religious devotion (join a choir, use your rosaries, say a prayer); or simply sleep 20 minutes later in the morning — all of which have been proved to kick down cortisol. Small also recommends taking frequent relaxation breaks during the day: Just close your eyes and focus on breathing slowly and deeply for two to five minutes.

Insomnia

If you struggle to fall or stay asleep, particularly just before your period, it may be due to the sharp drop in the hormone progesterone that immediately precedes menstruation, according to Joyce Walsleben, Ph.D., associate professor in the Sleep Disorders Center at the New York University School of Medicine. Progesterone is a relaxant, so when levels plummet — as they do just before your period or after giving birth — you may feel restless and unable to sleep. (Breast tenderness, bloating, and cramps — also side effects of rapidly shifting hormones — don't help.)

To restore balance: Preventing the monthly seesaw of hormones requires actually banishing your period. Fortunately, that doesn't mean holding out for menopause, thanks to Seasonale, a form of extended-use birth control that reduces period frequency from 13 times a year to just four. If you're looking for a more natural approach, Walsleben offers this multiprong attack for reducing the side effects of hormonal swings: Drink plenty of fluids to minimize bloating, avoid caffeine after noon, and take ibuprofen before going to bed on nights you're likely to have cramps. And an hour or two before you hit the sheets, try sipping a glass of warm milk, or snack on a few slices of turkey or a handful of nuts. These foods are rich in tryptophan, a building block for the brain chemical serotonin, which helps control sleep. If you still find yourself staring at the ceiling, talk to your doctor about a prescription sleep aid. Lunesta, a new drug proved to safely summon the sandman, isn't supposed to be habit-forming — but the jury is still out, so consider taking it for no longer than a few weeks.

Nonstop Hunger

Willpower, schmillpower. Yes, it's important to maintain healthy habits, but a growing body of research is fingering a handful of hormones for the relentless hunger and overeating that makes some people feel that it's impossible to lose weight. A few under investigation: ghrelin, which stimulates appetite, and leptin and oxyntomodulin, which suppress it. In one study, volunteers who were deprived of sleep saw their levels of ghrelin soar — making them ravenous — while their levels of leptin plummeted. This may explain why people who are chronically sleep-deprived (snoozing less than seven hours nightly) tend to be more overweight than those who get plenty of z's. "Leptin normally signals the brain that your fat stores are large enough, so when levels of the hormone are low, the brain assumes you need more fat and triggers cravings for high-calorie food," says sleep and obesity researcher Gregor Hasler, M.D.

To restore balance: Getting seven to nine hours of shut-eye a night instead of scraping by on just six has been shown to lower your risk of overeating and obesity by 23 percent, in part by restoring your leptin levels. Even just one extra hour of slumber can make a difference. You should also avoid fatty foods, and not just because they're chock-full of calories! Though researchers don't yet understand why, they've found that calorie for calorie, carbohydrates and proteins are significantly more effective at suppressing appetite — and tummy rumbles — than fats. So whenever possible, swap high-fat foods for those loaded with protein and complex carbs such as oatmeal, fresh veggies, and whole grains.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

Some of us get headaches during stressful times, or feel just plain cranky and irritable. But if you carry stress in your stomach instead of your head, it could be because many of the same hormones and neurons are at work in both places — a fact that's led some doctors to dub the gut the body's "second brain." Take serotonin, for example. It's best known as the brain chemical that impacts mood. But 95 percent of the serotonin we produce is actually manufactured in the gut, where it plays a role in digestion. Recent studies suggest that abnormal levels of serotonin may be one cause of irritable bowel syndrome, a condition that causes chronic abdominal pain, cramping, and diarrhea and/or constipation for millions of Americans. "And since up to 90 percent of sufferers are women, some whose IBS symptoms get worse around menstruation, the flux of estrogen and progesterone may also play a role," says gastroenterologist George Arnold, M.D., a clinical professor of medicine at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

To restore balance: Paxil, a drug designed to treat anxiety and depression by upping serotonin levels in the brain, can also help relieve IBS for patients with tough-to-treat symptoms — even when they're not depressed, according to a study of 110 IBS sufferers conducted by Arnold. "Considering the amount of serotonin being produced in the intestine, we think Paxil must be doing something to the nerves in the gastrointestinal tract," he says. More than 60 percent of Paxil-takers in his study had fewer IBS symptoms — and a brighter outlook on life — compared with 26 percent of placebo-takers.

But before you call your doctor for a prescription, try increasing the fiber in your diet. In phase one of Arnold's study, one in four IBS sufferers reduced pain and bloating and felt much better after simply eating 25 grams of fiber a day, which is the USDA-recommended dose. Although fiber may or may not influence the hormones in the gut (no one knows for sure), it does help expand the diameter of the large and small intestines, which eases painful muscle contractions, according to Arnold. Try adding oatmeal and other whole grains, plus raw fruits and vegetables, to your daily diet.

Persistent Fatigue

Sure, we all have those days when we'd give anything for a midday nap — even if it meant crawling under our desks. But if you struggle daily with feeling sluggish and having zero energy — particularly if you've gained 10 to 20 pounds that you just can't shake no matter how little you eat — you could be suffering from a lack of thyroid hormone, a condition called hypothyroidism. Thyroid hormones control the body's metabolism, and when supplies are short, all systems slow down, including heart rate, mental functioning, and digestion. That's why hypothyroidism can leave a person feeling exhausted, drained, mentally foggy, even constipated. It's thought to affect at least 15 million adults nationwide, targeting 10 times more women than men, according to psychiatrist Louann Brizendine, M.D., director of the Women's and Teen Girl's Mood & Hormone Clinic at the University of California, San Francisco. And up to two thirds of cases go undiagnosed for several years because the symptoms are often dismissed as a side effect of stress.

To restore balance: Ask your doctor about getting your thyroid hormone levels checked, and be proactive about getting thyroid hormone replacement therapy if you need it. "There is some disagreement among doctors about treating subclinical hypothyroidism, since in past generations thyroid hormone was overprescribed, and too much of it can aggravate any underlying heart conditions," says Brizendine. "But in my experience, if you have symptoms of fatigue, depression, and anxiety that coincide with abnormal thyroid levels, you should seek treatment." Finding a doctor who will take these (and any other) mysterious symptoms seriously can deliver much-deserved relief

2008-02-26T19:49:00.000-08:00

Men as well as women need bone tests

By LAURAN NEERGAARD, AP Medical Writer Mon Feb 25, 4:18 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Bone tests aren't just for women anymore. New guidelines are calling for older men to get a routine check for bone-thinning osteoporosis.

There's news for women, too: A new computerized tool uses more than bone-density tests to predict who is at highest risk of breaking a bone in coming years — by adding in such important risk factors as whether a parent ever broke a hip.

It's an effort to better target who really needs treatment and who can safely skip it, even before someone's bones become thin enough to be officially labeled an osteoporosis patient.

And it promises a major shift in bone care.

"You treat the people who have high risk, and you would reassure the women at low risk and ask them to come back for a re-check in a few years," explains Dr. Ethel Siris of Columbia University and president of the National Osteoporosis Foundation, which issued the new guidelines last week.

Moreover, the new work stresses that a disease long associated with little old white ladies actually can strike anyone as they age. The biggest change: The NOF guidelines recommend a bone-mineral density X-ray test for all men 70 and older, just like women 65 and older have long been urged to get. (Men and women may need the tests sooner if other factors put them at high risk.)

"There's a recognition more so now than in the past that men are at risk," says Dr. Jay Magaziner of the University of Maryland medical school, who has long researched hip fractures — osteoporosis' most-feared break.

Don't misunderstand. Postmenopausal women are still at greatest risk of osteoporosis, when bone-strengthening estrogen plummets. But a quarter of hip fractures occur in men, and as men live longer, the number who break a hip is steadily rising, Magaziner told a recent meeting of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons.

Screening men "as we do with women can have some real payoffs in terms of prevention," he says.

Another conundrum: More than half of fractures due to bone loss occur in people whose bones are thinning but aren't quite thin enough to be labeled osteoporosis. They're in a gray zone known as osteopenia.

In the U.S. alone, some 10 million people have osteoporosis but 34 million are estimated to have osteopenia. With the population rapidly aging, the government estimates half of Americans over 50 will be at risk of fractures from too-thin bones by 2020.

The World Health Organization funded a Web-based tool called FRAX, unveiled last week, that helps calculate the odds of a hip, wrist, shoulder or spine fracture within the next 10 years for anyone 40 or older in nine different countries — regardless of whether they have full-fledged osteoporosis or just low bone mass.

Both geography and ancestry matter for bone health. Consider differences such as diet, exercise and exposure to Vitamin D-making sunlight, and odds of a break differ dramatically from China and Japan, to France and Spain, and on to the highest-risk U.S. and Sweden. Here, white women have the highest risk and black women the lowest. FRAX lets users take all that into account.

How? Researchers at Britain's University of Sheffield used data from 60,000 people in developed countries — where life expectancy is long enough for osteoporosis to be an issue — to determine factors that play the biggest role in an individual's odds of thinning bones as they age.

Breaking a bone during adulthood that's not the result of, say, a bad car crash is one risk factor. A parent who broke a hip suggests a genetic risk. Smoking also thins bones, as does heavy alcohol consumption and long-term use of steroid-containing medicines.

Plug in a patient's score from a bone-density measurement of the hip for the final calculation.

That number alone doesn't say whether someone needs bone-building treatment. So in the U.S., the National Osteoporosis Foundation went a step further. It used the FRAX predictions to update guidelines on who needs bone-density testing, and to calculate when fracture risk becomes high enough that bone-building drugs would be cost-effective.

In addition to a routine bone check for older men, the guidelines recommend:

_Treat postmenopausal women and men 50 and older who have thinning bones, but not osteoporosis yet, if they have at least a 20 percent risk of any major fracture in the next decade, or at least a 3 percent risk of a hip fracture.

_Check for osteoporosis risk factors in postmenopausal women and men 50 and over, to see who needs a bone test before their senior years.

_A bone test for anyone who has any type of fracture after age 50, or who has conditions associated with bone loss, such as rheumatoid arthritis.

_For adults over 50, 1,200 milligrams a day of calcium and 800 to 1,000 international units a day of Vitamin D, more D than the government recommends.

_Do regular weight-bearing and muscle-strengthening exercise.

___

EDITOR's NOTE — Lauran Neergaard covers health and medical issues for The Associated Press in Washington.

On the Net:

FRAX Web site: http://www.shef.ac.uk/FRAX

2008-02-23T06:31:00.000-08:00

5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine By Ty Wenger

Lord knows this is not the sort of thing guys brag about. But my wife and I have a ridiculously happy marriage. Really, it's almost disgusting.

We paw each other in public. We goof around like a pair of simpletons. We basically act like giddy newlyweds in the middle of happy hour. Sometimes we'll do something so revolting, like sitting on the couch and drawing smiley faces on the bottoms of each other's feet, that we're forced to make hacking, gagging noises to maintain our dignity. Actually, this happened just last week.

See, I told you it was disgusting.

It hasn't always been this way. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit that our current marital bliss is the result of almost a year of counseling, a desperate effort undertaken several years ago, when we appeared destined for doom. What we learned then is something all happy couples eventually discover: A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen. Daily habits are extremely helpful in forging solid marriages, says couples therapist Tina Tessina, author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. "If you're really interested in making your relationship work, little rituals are a great way to do it."

Want examples? Look no further than Tessina and her husband, Richard, who have developed an array of daily relationship builders during their 19 years of marriage: Every morning, they repeat their wedding vows to each other; they hold regular state-of-the-union meetings; and (my personal favorite) Tina routinely leaves Post-it Notes for Richard ("Hi, honey! Have a great day!") stuck to the underside of the toilet seat (think about it).

"Every marriage has what I call a relationship reservoir, or the stored-up emotional energy of the relationship," says Tessina. And although these daily habits are all very simple things, they help fill that reservoir. When there's a lot of positive energy there, you give each other a little pat on the butt or say, "I'm so glad I'm sharing my life with you," and you're storing it up. Then when the relationship is under stress, you'll have the energy you need to get through.

We asked happy couples across the United States to tell us about marriage-strengthening solutions they've developed. Try your hand at incorporating a few into your daily life and maybe you can be as ridiculously, embarrassingly, revoltingly happily married as I am.

Want to know the one thing that's most important to a successful marriage? That's easy. Walk up to your husband and surprise him with this one-question relationship quiz:

You: "Honey, what do you think is the one thing most important to a successful marriage?"

Him: "Umm, uh did you say something?"

And, well, there you have it.

Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that? Actually, anybody who sleeps at night, if you follow the lead of Julie and Thom and their nightly visits to their "igloo."

"It all started one winter night years ago, when Julie had had a really bad day," says Thom, 33, a marketing director in Columbus, Ohio. "We were huddled under the covers of our bed, and Julie was describing how all the people who made her day miserable were 'bad polar bears' and how she didn't want any of the bad polar bears coming into the bedroom and how the bed was our refuge from them. You realize how embarrassing it is to admit this, right? Anyway, that's when we started calling the bed the igloo."

"The igloo is a place to retreat to," says Julie, 31. "It's our little sanctuary; only nice things happen in the igloo."

Eventually Julie and Thom began holding a powwow in the igloo at the end of every day, making a nightly excursion that Julie says has become a vital part of their five-year marriage.

"It's funny, because I always thought that when you lived with somebody, you'd automatically know everything that was going on," she says. "But we find that if we don't take that time to connect with each other, it's really easy for life to get in the way. The igloo offers one of the few times in the day where there's not a whole heck of a lot else going on, so you're able to focus on each other in a deeper way."

Of course, you don't need to christen major pieces of furniture with cute nicknames to improve the communication in your marriage. You simply have to set aside a few minutes every day to remind each other of why you got married in the first place. And there are as many ways to do that as there are marriages in America.

Lori and Joe, who are happily married in Philadelphia, have a nightly ritual they call crook time. That's when Lori cuddles up in the "crook" of Joe's shoulder and they talk. "The name's a little sappy," Lori admits, "but it's always a nice way for us to catch up."

Every night, Angie and Bob walk their pet Chihuahua, Chachi, through the streets of Brookline, Massachusetts. In addition to keeping Chachi from picking dogfights he could never win ("He has a bit of a Napoleon complex," Bob says), they use the time to strengthen their 11-year marriage.

It may be going a bit far to emulate Tim and Jill, a Connecticut couple who somewhat sheepishly admit that they check in with each other from work "six, maybe seven times a day," Tim says, "sometimes a dozen times when we're really being crazy." (Jill says, slightly more defiantly, "He's just my best friend, and our marriage is a great partnership, and there's no one I'd rather talk to.")

Then again, if you've been married 10 years and still want to talk to each other 10 times a day, you must be doing something right.

Back when you were 14 years old, you probably figured that once you got married, you'd have sex just about every day. (Well, maybe teenage girls don't think that way. But let me tell you, 14-year-old boys sure do.) And why not? Sex is free. It's fun. And it doesn't require the purchase of any equipment, besides the occasional bottle of vegetable oil and about 20 feet of nylon rope.

But as they get older, most couples realize that having sex every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' sexual habits found that only about a third of adults have sex more than once a week. Granted, that number might have been higher if all the couples having sex more frequently had stopped to take the surveyor's phone call, but clearly, sex for most married couples is far from a daily reality.

That doesn't mean, though, that you can't at least talk sexy every day, and that's the approach that Ed and Stephanie have taken in the more than six years they've been together.

"It's funny," says Ed, a 33-year-old San Francisco cab driver, "because we know plenty of married couples who fight, a lot, about how often they have sex. The wife's upset because all he ever wants to do is have sex; the husband's upset because he doesn't think they have sex enough. But this has never really been a problem with us, and I think it has a lot do with the fact that we're always talking sexy to each other."

"Absolutely," says Stephanie, a 32-year-old massage therapist. "We're always complimenting each other, tossing out fantasies, telling each other we're hot. He gets to feel like he can have sexual feelings, and I feel like I don't have to have sex all the time to appear attractive.

"Let's put it this way: The way I see it, sex is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great."

"Right," Ed says, "but after five days of talking about chocolate cake?"

"That cake tastes damn good."

Eavesdrop on a conversation between Bob and Angie concerning their favorite shared pastime.

"We are so disgusting. This is so pathetic. It's like a sickness."

"But it makes us happy!"

"It's so stupid it makes us laugh."

"We're yelling at people. High-fiving each other."

"Look, we get a kick out of it because it's so ridiculous. It's our guilty pleasure."

Forgive them if they seem somewhat shy, but they're merely ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with Survivor. They've adopted Big Brother. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? They do. Not to mention TemptationIsland, The Weakest Link, The Real World, Chains of Love, Fear Factor, The Mole (yes, really, The Mole)

"Honestly, I think we just need to be dumb for a while," says Bob, 37, a shoe designer for Reebok in Boston. "We're both very into our careers.

And when you're at work, with any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax."

Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with?

So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in obsessive daily rituals ("Honey, don't forget, at 7:15 we have our nightly cuddle, followed by the affirmation of our vows, our 7:35 spontaneous flirtation, and then, of course, a new episode of Moesha at eight")?

Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for your marriage than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to also make a daily habit of getting away from each other.

"You know that old saying, 'How can I miss you if you don't go away?'" Tessina asks. "Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner can't fill in for you, for example, one of you likes classical music, the other one likes sports. Plus, taking a break from each other gives you more things to talk about, because when you're joined at the hip, what's to talk about? You've already seen it all."

The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.

"As a woman, you get this message that when you get married, you spend every single waking second with your husband and you're so unbelievably happy," says Lori, 34. "And my parents actually do spend every single waking second together, and oddly enough, they are happy. So that's how I grew up thinking you were supposed to be. But when I told him this, Joe was like, 'I-don't-think-so.'"

"Because I watched my parents," says Joe, 29, whose parents divorced when he was 22, "and yeah, they spent every moment together, but they spent every moment together at each other's throats."

"So Joe had to convince me that having our own lives was a good idea," Lori explains. "I'm thankful he did."

These days Lori and Joe are practically poster children for the power of independence. Joe, who works for a nonprofit agency, spends his nights taking painting classes, building youth centers, and recording his guitar sessions. Lori, a college professor, spends hers directing community-theater musicals and indulging in trashy movies on cable television, a passion that Joe (go figure) doesn't seem to share

"It all brings a freshness to our marriage because we both continue to grow as people," Joe says.

"Plus," says Lori, "getting out of the house and out of each other's hair keeps us from going crazy."

And — we asked the experts, so we know — going crazy is definitely not one of the secrets of a happy marriage.

In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other, discuss their marriage together, and — stop the presses — rate their spouses as skilled lovers.

Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you (were that the case, my beloved Oakland Raiders would have won the Super Bowl years ago). But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily.

"We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution."

After two 1,000-mile moves, the birth of three children, and two job changes, all in the past four years, those difficult decisions had begun to take a toll. So when Beth asked Doug, a nonreligious and self-proclaimed man of science, to try praying with her, he figured they had nothing to lose.

"I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works."

"As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person."

Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course.

"It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power.

"Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out."

2008-02-21T17:22:00.000-08:00

10 Ways to Catch a Liar

Experts have 10 tips that can let you know if someone isn't telling you the whole truth.

By Heather Hatfield
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

J.J. Newberry was a trained federal agent, skilled in the art of deception detection. So when a witness to a shooting sat in front of him and tried to tell him that when she heard gunshots she didn't look, she just ran -- he knew she was lying.

How did Newberry reach this conclusion? The answer is by recognizing telltale signs that a person isn't being honest, like inconsistencies in a story, behavior that's different from a person's norm, or too much detail in an explanation.

While using these signs to catch a liar takes extensive training and practice, it's no longer only for authorities like Newberry. Now, the average person can become adept at identifying dishonesty, and it's not as hard as you might think. Experts tell WebMD the top 10 ways to let the truth be known.

Tip No. 1: Inconsistencies

"When you want to know if someone is lying, look for inconsistencies in what they are saying," says Newberry, who was a federal agent for 30 years and a police officer for five.

When the woman he was questioning said she ran and hid after hearing gunshots -- without looking -- Newberry saw the inconsistency immediately.

"There was something that just didn't fit," says Newberry. "She heard gunshots but she didn't look? I knew that was inconsistent with how a person would respond to a situation like that."

So when she wasn't paying attention, he banged on the table. She looked right at him.

"When a person hears a noise, it's a natural reaction to look toward it," Newberry tells WebMD. "I knew she heard those gunshots, looked in the direction from which they came, saw the shooter, and then ran."

Sure enough, he was right.

"Her story was just illogical," says Newberry. "And that's what you should look for when you're talking to someone who isn't being truthful. Are there inconsistencies that just don't fit?"

Tip No. 2: Ask the Unexpected

"About 4% of people are accomplished liars and they can do it well," says Newberry. "But because there are no Pinocchio responses to a lie, you have to catch them in it."

Sir Walter Scott put it best: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" But how can you a catch a person in his own web of lies?

"Watch them carefully," says Newberry. "And then when they don't expect it, ask them one question that they are not prepared to answer to trip them up."

Tip No. 3: Gauge Against a Baseline

"One of the most important indicators of dishonesty is changes in behavior," says Maureen O'Sullivan, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco. "You want to pay attention to someone who is generally anxious, but now looks calm. Or, someone who is generally calm but now looks anxious."

The trick, explains O'Sullivan, is to gauge their behavior against a baseline. Is a person's behavior falling away from how they would normally act? If it is, that could mean that something is up.

Tip No. 4: Look for Insincere Emotions

"Most people can't fake smile," says O'Sullivan. "The timing will be wrong, it will be held too long, or it will be blended with other things. Maybe it will be a combination of an angry face with a smile; you can tell because their lips are smaller and less full than in a sincere smile."

These fake emotions are a good indicator that something has gone afoul.

Tip No. 5: Pay Attention to Gut Reactions

"People say, 'Oh, it was a gut reaction or women's intuition,' but what I think they are picking up on are the deviations of true emotions," O'Sullivan tells WebMD.

While an average person might not know what it is he's seeing when he thinks someone isn't being honest and attribute his suspicion to instinct, a scientist would be able to pinpoint it exactly -- which leads us to tip no. 6.

Tip No. 6: Watch for Microexpressions

When Joe Schmo has a gut feeling, Paul Ekman, a renowned expert in lie detection, sees microexpressions.

"A microexpression is a very brief expression, usually about a 25th of a second, that is always a concealed emotion," says Ekman, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California Medical School in San Francisco.

So when a person is acting happy, but in actuality is really upset about something, for instance, his true emotion will be revealed in a subconscious flash of anger on his face. Whether the concealed emotion is fear, anger, happiness, or jealousy, that feeling will appear on the face in the blink of an eye. The trick is to see it.

"Almost everyone -- 99% of those we've tested in about 10,000 people -- won't see them," says Ekman. "But it can be taught."

In fact, in less than an hour, the average person can learn to see microexpressions.

Tip No. 7: Look for Contradictions

"The general rule is anything that a person does with their voice or their gesture that doesn't fit the words they are saying can indicate a lie," says Ekman. "For example, this is going to sound amazing, but it is true. Sometimes when people are lying and saying, 'Yes, she's the one that took the money,' they will without knowing it make a slight head shake 'no.' That's a gesture and it completely contradicts what they're saying in words."

These contradictions, explains Ekman, can be between the voice and the words, the gesture and the voice, the gesture and the words, or the face and the words.

"It's some aspect of demeanor that is contradicting another aspect," Ekman tells WebMD.

Tip No. 8: A Sense of Unease

"When someone isn't making eye contact and that's against how they normally act, it can mean they're not being honest," says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice. "They look away, they're sweating, they look uneasy ... anything that isn't normal and indicates anxiety."

Tip No. 9: Too Much Detail

"When you say to someone, 'Oh, where were you?' and they say, 'I went to the store and I needed to get eggs and milk and sugar and I almost hit a dog so I had to go slow,' and on and on, they're giving you too much detail," says Berman.

Too much detail could mean they've put a lot of thought into how they're going to get out of a situation and they've crafted a complicated lie as a solution.

Tip No. 10: Don't Ignore the Truth

"It's more important to recognize when someone is telling the truth than telling a lie because people can look like they're lying but be telling truth," says Newberry.

While it sounds confusing, finding the truth buried under a lie can sometimes help find the answer to an important question: Why is a person lying?

These 10 truth tips, experts agree, all help detect deception. What they don't do is tell you why a person is lying and what the lie means.

"Microexpressions don't tell you the reason," says Ekman. "They just tell you what the concealed emotion is and that there is an emotion being concealed."

When you think someone is lying, you have to either know the person well enough to understand why he or she might lie, or be a people expert.

"You can see a microexpression, but you have to have more social-emotional intelligence on people to use it accurately," says O'Sullivan. "You have to be a good judge of people to understand what it means."

Extra Tip: Be Trusting

"In general we have a choice about which stance we take in life," says Ekman. "If we take a suspicious stance life is not going to be too pleasant, but we won't get mislead very often. If we take a trusting stance, life is going to be a lot more pleasant but sometimes we are going to be taken in. As a parent or a friend, you're much better off being trusting rather than looking for lies all the time."

2008-02-19T23:50:00.000-08:00

How to Get More Friends

WebMD Feature from "Health" By Denene Millner

If friends are so good for us, why do we have few? Here’s how to get more.

It’s been almost two years since my family and I moved from New Jersey to the South in search of a more peaceful, more meaningful lifestyle. For the most part, we’ve found what we were looking for. Still, save for a few new acquaintances, I have about as many friends as a pimply-faced nerd on her first day of high school. I crave the camaraderie I shared with my girls up north.

I’m not alone. Recent research shows that adult Americans’ circle of friends has decreased by a third over the last 19 years. The problem isn’t just that we don’t have dinner dates; it’s that we don’t have people to turn to when we’re sick, when we’re stressed, or when we’re otherwise in crisis. We miss the health benefits of having a strong social network, which can do everything from boost your immune system to protect you from heart disease, cancer, depression, and anxiety, says Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore.

“People tend to think of friendship as something you fit in when all the important stuff is done,” she says. “But friends are not a luxury; they’re an essential nutrient.”

Here are five easy ways to make—and keep—the kind of friends who will make your life happy and healthy.

1 Talk to strangers.
You may have a lot in common with the person you see every day on the train. Angelou Ezeilo of Snellville, Georgia, struck up a conversation one day with fellow commuter Jennifer White and discovered that they both were three months pregnant with boys, had a mutual love for Southern cooking and interior design, and lived in the same neighborhood. A friendship was born.

2 Google your old best friend.
You may have fallen out of touch since graduation, but your former buddy might still have all the wonderful qualities that made you like her in the first place. “If she was a good friend before, she might be an even better friend now,” says Sally Horchow, co-author of The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections.

3 Host an each-one-bring-one party.
Ask a few friends each to invite someone you don’t know to a low-key evening of food and conversation. Dorothy Ashford of Cornelius, North Carolina, hosts this kind of gathering every Fourth of July. “I make sure that everyone connects with those they haven’t met,” she says. Try a fun icebreaker to get guests talking. Ashford suggests putting out a sign-in book so you can keep in touch with guests who tickled your fancy.

4 Make a friendship “date.”
If, for instance, a mom you chat with when you drop your kids off at school mentions she likes cooking, invite her to a local cooking class where the two of you can learn a new dish—and dish!—together. It’s a no-pressure way to take a passing acquaintance to the next level.

5 Do something new
Try something you love, so you can meet others who love it, too. Join a group, and you’re bound to find potential friends you can bond with over similar interests. “You’ll be seeing the same faces over and over, so your introduction is not quite so cold,” author Marla Paul says. Or simply change your routine. For example, Horchow suggests, instead of eating lunch by yourself at work, one day a week join co-workers you’d like to know better

2008-02-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

Is Your Sex Life Normal?

WebMD Feature from Oprah.com

Psychotherapist Rachel Morris, sex journalist Sarah Hedley and general practitioner Sarah Humphery are the sex editors of the UK edition of Cosmopolitan. Dr. Lana Holstein is a sex expert and oversees programs addressing intimacy and sexuality issues at the Miraval Resort in Arizona. They have the answers to some very intimate questions.

He Wants More
Question: My wife and I have been married two years. We have sex about once a week. She says I'm not romantic and that she sometimes has sex out of obligation. She also says that if I would help out around the house she'd be more into having sex. But I don't see the relationship between housework and sex. I worry she no longer finds me attractive and that maybe we were meant to be just friends. Is it normal for me to expect to have sex every day with my wife?

Answer: Mismatched sex drive is one of the most common problems with couples, says general practitioner Sarah Humphery. "It's interesting you say that you don't understand how getting more involved in the housework is going to help," Humphery says. "She's going to be less tired, she's going to be preoccupied, she's going to feel less like a sort of housewife — you've got to make her feel sexy." For the woman, Humphery says sometimes, she will have to do it out of obligation. Men — more often than women — are aware of their bodies, whereas women — "we don't have that connection to 'down below.'"

She Wants More
Question: My husband and I are newlyweds and I can't keep my hands off him. I initiate sex 85 percent of the time. He usually says "no" because he is tired. Am I being selfish because I want sex more often? Is it normal for the woman to be the initiator most of the time?

Answer: Psychotherapist Rachel Morris says the first question to ask yourself is whether there are any other times — apart from when you're having sex — where he gives you his "entire, full, unadulterated attention." "If the answer is no," Morris says, "it may be that you're confusing the desire to have sex with the desire to have him all to yourself — the reassurance that you're still loved. Intimacy and sex aren't necessarily the same things. So pushing him to have sex, when really what you want is intimacy, probably means that you're getting neither.

A Celibate Marriage
Question: In the last two years, my husband and I have had sex once. We've been married 14 years, run a business together and have a daughter. I'm only 38 years old — it's not that I don't have a high sex drive. We just don't know how to get back to being sexual together. Is it normal to have a marriage that becomes more like a brother and sister relationship?

Answer: Dr. Lana Holstein says most couples do need a sexual tune-up. Many times "it just fades a little bit — they're paying attention to their finances or to their kids — but they forget that they could pay attention to their sexual connection. "

She says although many people believe in "spontaneity," couples should really treat sex and relationships like a business. "I call it 'The Good Sex Division.' It needs everything a new division of the company would need." Couples should set a mission statement that includes goals, capital — a statement of a perfect sex life.

Dr. Holstein also recommends setting a regular time for sex. "It's the only way. Our lives are so busy — you won't get to it often." For a deep, soulful connection, Dr. Holstein suggests the woman sit on the man's lap, face-to-face, and gaze into each others eyes. "When you sit together, you hold hands, you look into one another's eyes, you remind yourself, 'Why am I with this person?' All of a sudden it starts to change."

2008-02-17T15:40:00.000-08:00

10 Secrets to a Better Love Life

Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips.

By R. Morgan Griffin
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Most of us can remember the hot -- and frequent -- spicy moments when the romance was new with our partner. But eventually the fire of a good love life may die down. Over time, the sexy nightie languishes hidden in the sock drawer, the massage oil gathers dust next to the athlete's foot powder in the medicine cabinet, and you and your partner have what feels like a humdrum sexual life.

So what is the secret to a better love life that lasts? We asked for some suggestions from two experts on sexuality -- Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex, and Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a board certified sex therapist and resident expert for WebMD's "Sex Matters®" message boards.

Make Dates

Castleman and Weston are in firm agreement that couples that have been together for a while need to plan time for sex.

"Make a date for sex," says Castleman, a health journalist who previously answered questions about sexuality submitted to the Playboy advisor. "Don't let it be an afterthought," he tells WebMD. "Do whatever you like to do beforehand, go to a movie or dinner, take a walk, have a glass of wine by candlelight, whatever the couple likes to do as a couple. But set aside that time."

But, you might cry, isn't scheduling unromantic? Isn't sex supposed to be spontaneous? Rare is the lover with a daily planner fetish, after all.

But Castleman has a blunt response. "Grow up," he says. "What's the problem with making a date for sex? People make plans for other things they enjoy, like ski trips or dinners out."

Weston agrees. "I think most people, especially couples with kids, have to plan ahead because they already have so much jammed into their schedules," she says. "Sure there are times when things spontaneously fall together, but those are happy accidents."

Get Out of the House

One good suggestion for a better love life is to take regular nights away from home.

"For couples that have been together for a while, sex can become routine," says Castleman. "You're worn out by the end of the day, after the job, the laundry, the kids' soccer games, and the errands.

"And instead of champagne and oysters on the half shell with a sweeping view of Lake Tahoe as your reward, you've got your same old crummy house and peanut butter and jelly and that's about it," he says. It's not exactly conducive to an exciting sex life.

It can be hard to give into the moment when you're having sex in your all-too-familiar bedroom. Your mind wanders. Did I remember to set the alarm clock? How much will it cost to repair that water damage on the ceiling?

"Lovemaking is, fundamentally, a present moment experience," says Castleman. "The best sex comes when you're not thinking about the past or the future, but only the present. And that can be hard in a room where you've always got grandma's picture smiling down on you."

Castleman recommends getting away to a place that is stripped of these reminders of everyday life. It doesn't have to be a fabulous spot by the ocean, or at least it not every time. A non-descript place off the Interstate might be just fine.

Redecorate the Bedroom

Of course, having a sex life that's wholly dependent on trysts at hotels and overnight babysitters may be a problem if you're not fabulously wealthy, childless, and unemployed. So in addition to some trips away, make some changes at home.

"The bedroom does build up a lot of mundane associations," says Weston. "But if you can do anything to transform your bedroom into something new and different, that can make a big difference."

And a better love life doesn't require installing a revolving bed or ceiling mirrors. "You don't need to do something that will freak out the kids or the housekeeper," says Weston.

Lighting some candles is an obvious suggestion. But maybe getting a nicer set of sheets and a new bedspread will make a difference. Also, removing some of the junk -- the kids' toys, the piles of laundry -- that tends to accumulate in a bedroom out can have an effect. Think about ditching the bedroom TV, too, or at least trying life without it for a while

Figure Out What You Really Want

Everyone's got sexual fantasies of one sort or another. But for some people, those fantasies can be buried pretty deep. If your partner were to turn to you tonight and say, "What's your ultimate sexual fantasy?" or "What do you want to change about how we have sex?" do you know what you'd say?

If you're not sure, you're not alone. "Some people have to do a little work at figuring out what really arouses them," says Weston. But figuring out what you want is key to having a better love life.

So give it a little effort. Weston observes that there are plenty of tools out there to help: books, magazines, videos, and so on. Once you've come up with some ideas, telling your partner about them could be fun for both of you.

Find Out What Your Partner Wants

And then there's the flip side: You need to ask your partner the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from your love life?

According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common complaints they hear is that one partner wants to have sex more than the other.

Some people may huffily assume that they just have higher sex drives than their partners do. But maybe your partner is looking for something different out of your love life but hasn't felt able to ask. So bring up the subject. Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.

Try Something New

Trying something new in the bedroom is a pretty obvious suggestion for attaining a better love life, but it's one that many people have trouble following.

"For a lot of couples, the longer they're together, the more they play it safe sexually," says Weston. "You think it would go the other way, that as people get more comfortable in a relationship they feel more secure to try new things. But that's not the case."

Castleman agrees. "People resist change, especially intimate change," he says. "If you're in an established relationship, you may feel like you have more to lose. You don't want to rock the boat."

But both Castleman and Weston recommend resisting the impulse to play it safe. This can mean all sorts of things -- maybe lingerie, massage, sex toys and so on -- and trying something new doesn't have to be outrageous.

"People have a lot of crazy notions about what a sexual fantasy should be," says Castleman. "They think it must mean S&M or sex on a Ferris wheel. But there are a lot less wild ways of experimenting with something new."

Weston agrees. "One small change that can have a big effect is to interrupt the pattern to how you usually have sex," says Weston. "If you're usually the shy one who waits for the other person to begin things, try starting it yourself. Just take a risk, even if it's a little one."

Don't Ignore Sexual Problems

Sexual problems are a much more open secret now than they once were. For instance, thanks to the efforts of pharmaceutical companies and late night comics, there aren't many people left in the country who aren't aware of medications for erectile dysfunction.

Of course, that doesn't mean that everyone who needs help is getting it.

"People who have sexual problems do often shy away from sexuality because they don't want to face failure," says Weston. "But these problems need to be addressed head on."

Erectile dysfunction has received the most attention, but there are plenty of other issues too, such as premature ejaculation, a loss of libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm caused by medications or medical conditions

Weston reports that women are coming forward in larger numbers and reporting sexual problems too, such as pain during intercourse or an inability to orgasm. According to Castleman, many women complain about vaginal dryness during sex, which can be painful.

"Lubrication is important," says Weston. "Because in terms of how aroused a person is, lubrication for a woman is the equivalent of an erection for a man."

Some sexual problems may need medical attention, while others can be solved by trying different sexual techniques or buying a $5 bottle of lubricant. But the important thing is not to muddle through with problems that are making your sex life worse. Don't settle for a mediocre sex life.

And finally, Weston is quick to point out that no matter what you've heard, drugs for erectile dysfunction do nothing to increase a person's sex drive.

Go Slowly

Some couples find that, the longer they're together, the briefer and more businesslike their sexual encounters can become.

Castleman likens it to navigating a new neighborhood. When you move to a new place, you're always trying out different routes to get to the supermarket or the hardware store. But after time, you decide on the fastest route and only take that one. No more meandering. The same thing happens to couples as they become more familiar with each other sexually.

But the fastest, most efficient route is definitely not what you want in the bedroom. Focusing on the destination -- and only the obvious parts of the anatomy -- is the worst thing you can do, he says.

"The best sex emerges from whole body sensuality -- leisurely, playful, creative," says Castleman. "It has no real direction, a little of this, a little of that."

Castleman argues that men especially have a tendency to go too fast, something that's encouraged by the down-and-dirty efficiency of sex in pornography. But Castleman says that many men find that their sexual problems -- such as premature ejaculation -- subside when they learn to take their time.

"Leisurely love-making benefits everyone," says Castleman. "Women get more turned on and enjoy sex more, while men have fewer sexual problems and feel more confident about themselves in bed. Everybody wins."

Don't Worry About What Everyone Else Is Doing

According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common questions they get is, "How much should we be doing it?" The question implies that the answer is obvious: more than I am now.

Feeling like you "should" be having a better love life is probably universal. It explains the vast number of titles about sex in the self-help section of the bookstore, and the constancy of articles about sex advertised on magazine covers at the checkout counter (or why so many people click on articles with titles like, say, "10 Secrets to a Better Love Life.")

Castleman observes that the culture we live in -- and especially its films, whether Hollywood romances or pornography -- encourages us to think that we're not living up.

So how often "should" you have sex? "There's no answer to that," says Weston. "Stop trying to decide how much sex you should have and decide how much you want."

Keep Trying

Having a better sex life will take some work. It's like this: for many people, life is an unremitting guerilla war with those extra 10 pounds that ambush you when you're not paying attention. In the same way, people can fall into a sexual rut, a "blah" love life, unless they're making an effort to keep things exciting.

You should expect that some attempts will fall flat. A stab at a sexual role-play may be rendered ridiculous by an ill-timed call and rambling answering machine message from your mother-in-law. Or maybe the aromatic candles make you sneeze violently. Trying something new is always putting you at risk of failure.

But the important thing is to keep trying anyway. Don't let self-consciousness make you play it safe. You should never accept a just average love life.

So there they are: the 10 secrets to a better love life. But, you may exclaim, I think I've heard some of these before. It's a fair point. For instance, upon reading that communication is important for a healthy love life, there is no person in America who will smack her forehead and say, "Golly, and all this time I thought not communicating was the right idea!"

Admittedly, these suggestions are not secrets. Or at least they aren't secrets like the purpose of Stonehenge or the fate of Amelia Earhart. We've read the magazines, and watched the daytime talk shows. Many of us know what we're supposed to do to have a better love life.

But if we already know this stuff, why do we keep buying the magazines and watching the TV shows that tell us what we already know? Ultimately, our good intentions fail and we lapse back into lazy habits. We let the other stuff in life take over.

So the most important suggestion for a better love life is probably the last one: Just keep trying. Making a consistent effort is the key.

"If someone says that they don't have time or energy for a good sex life, then they can't expect to have a good sex life," says Castleman. "It's that simple."

2008-02-16T19:40:00.000-08:00

Your Guide to Never Feeling Tired Again

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine By Nancy Rones

22 ways to tackle life's biggest energy zappers.

Every day, 2.2 million Americans complain of being tired. Most of us chalk it up to having too much to do and not enough time to do it in, especially during extra-busy periods. But often the true culprits are our everyday habits: what we eat, how we sleep, and how we cope emotionally. Read on for some simple, recharging changes that can help you tackle all of the energy stealers in your life.

Energize Your Diet

Why is it that filling up on pasta or Chinese food for lunch leaves us snacky and sleepy an hour later? Or that falling short on fluids makes us forgetful and foggy? Fact is, eating habits play a powerful role in how well we function on every level. Below, six top fatigue-fighting nutrition strategies to chew on.

Have breakfast... even if you don't feel hungry. You'll be a lot perkier: Studies show that people who eat breakfast feel better both mentally and physically than those who skip their morning meal. British researchers at Cardiff University even found that spooning up a bowl of breakfast cereal every morning is associated with lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Eat every three to four hours. Having three smallish meals and two snacks throughout the day can keep your blood sugar and energy levels stable all day long, says Roberta Anding, R.D., a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association (ADA). Note the word "smallish." Supersized meals demand more of your energy to digest, which can leave you feeling lethargic. At each mini-meal, get a mix of carbohydrates (which the body uses for energy), protein (which helps sustain energy if needed), and healthy fats like those found in fish, nuts, and olives -- these fats and protein contribute to meal satisfaction, so you don't go hunting for sweets an hour later and wind up with a short-lived sugar high and subsequent crash. A few meal ideas: a low-fat yogurt parfait with berries and a couple of tablespoons of whole-grain granola; salmon over mixed greens with whole-grain crackers; and beef tenderloin with a baked sweet potato and asparagus.
Fill up on more fiber. Fiber has a time-releasing effect on carbs, so they enter your bloodstream at a slow and steady pace, giving your energy staying power, says Anding. When choosing your mini-meals (see above), include fiber-filled options that add up to the daily recommended 25 to 30 grams of fiber (the average person gets only between 10 and 15 grams). Some suggestions: a bowl of raisin bran (5 grams of fiber per cup); black beans and cheese wrapped in a multigrain tortilla (beans have 7.5 grams per 1/2 cup; one tortilla has 5 grams); air-popped popcorn (3.6 grams per 3 cups); an apple with the skin (3.3 grams); and whole-wheat spaghetti (6.3 grams per cup).
Fuel your brain with omega-3s. Found in fatty fish (such as tuna and salmon), walnuts, and canola oil, these essential fatty acids play a role in keeping brain cells healthy and helping you feel mentally alert. Another potential bonus: Omega-3s encourage the body to store carbs as glycogen — the storage form of glucose (blood sugar) and the body's main source of stored fuel — rather than as fat.
Stay hydrated. Water makes up the majority of your blood and other body fluids, and even mild dehydration can cause blood to thicken, forcing the heart to pump harder to carry blood to your cells and organs and resulting in fatigue. Also, ample fluids keep energy-fueling nutrients flowing throughout the body, says Nancy Clark, R.D., author of Nancy Clark's Sports Nutrition Guidebook. To gauge your hydration, Clark recommends monitoring how often you urinate. You should be going every two to four hours, and your urine should be clear or pale yellow in color. Tip: Besides drinking more, you can also consume foods that naturally contain water, such as yogurt, broccoli, carrots, and juicy fruits, like watermelons, oranges, and grapefruits.
Watch caffeine intake after noon. Typically, consuming a moderate amount of caffeine — 200 to 300 mg, the amount found in two to three cups of coffee — can make you more energetic and alert in the hours following, says Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D., a professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. But when caffeine is consumed in large quantities — or anytime in the afternoon or evening — the quality of your sleep that night can take a nosedive, leaving you with heavy eyelids the next day. One caution for those who are highly sensitive to caffeine: Although switching to a decaf latte in the afternoon sounds like the answer, researchers at the University of Florida found that out of 22 decaffeinated coffee beverages tested, all but one contained some caffeine

Energize Your Spirit

We're all familiar with physical exhaustion, but mental strain — sadness, boredom, worry, anger, and general stress (the biggie) — can take an even heavier toll on vitality, completely wearing you out. Life happens, and these difficult emotions will, too. But if you react wisely, your brain and body will rebound — along with your vim and vigor.
Splash some water on your face or take a shower when you're feeling burned-out. Some 55 percent of study participants reported using these types of "water therapy" to successfully increase their energy, according to findings in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Apparently, a little H ₂ O refresher can instantly help take the edge off when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Suit up in a "power" outfit to beat the blahs. Fight the tendency to throw on sweats when you're feeling sluggish. Although it may seem counterintuitive to slip into the skirt you save for special occasions, it helps to look in the mirror and see an energizing image — not a deflating one that confirms and reinforces your internal state, says Alice D. Domar, Ph.D., founder and executive director of the Domar Center for Complementary Healthcare in Waltham, MA. Dressing for success will give you a big mental boost every time you catch sight of your reflection (or receive a compliment) throughout the day.
Vent your feelings. Keeping fear, anxiety, and stress pent up inside may seem like a grown-up way to deal with these emotions. But discussing negative feelings with another person can ease them far better than keeping them bottled up; by airing them, you reduce their ability to sap your stamina, says Komaroff, who is also the editor-in-chief of the Harvard Health Letter.
Turn on some tunes. Listening to music is one of the most effective ways to change a bad mood, decrease tension, and increase energy. Consider this: Runners in one study who listened to music while on the treadmill ran faster than those who jogged in silence — no matter how loud the volume or how fast the tempo, according to new findings in the journal Ergonomics. Other research suggests that music effectively distracts you from feeling fatigue. Try burning a CD of your favorite songs and playing it anytime you need a pick-me-up. (If you exercise, so much the better — but the music will move you either way.)
Let go of grudges. Nursing a grudge prompts your mind and body to react as if they're under chronic stress, increasing your heart rate and blood pressure and potentially resulting in an impaired immune system and exhaustion over time, according to a study in the journal Psychological Science. On the other hand, practicing empathy and forgiveness after you've been wronged makes you feel as if you're back in control, which keeps the body's stress responses in check. The next time you find yourself harboring ill feelings, repeat a stress-relieving mantra to yourself, such as, "Forgiveness makes me a happier and stronger person."
Take belly breaths. When we're under stress, we're prone to take "chest breaths" — short, shallow ones, says Domar. Chest breathing brings less air into the lungs and reduces the supply of energizing oxygen to the body and brain, leaving you physically and mentally drained. The goal is deep, diaphragmatic breathing — like that of a sleeping infant: When you breathe in, your belly should round and fill like a balloon; on an exhale, your belly should slowly deflate. Of course, remembering to practice deep breathing isn't the first thing on your mind when you're under the gun, so as a visual reminder, try posting a tranquil picture (such as a pool of water or your kids smiling) with the word "breathe" next to your computer, or anywhere you tend to feel on edge.
De-clutter a corner. Go through that teetering pile of papers or overflowing closet and clear it out. Clutter can make you feel out of control and overwhelmed, especially when you're already feeling stressed or down. Plus, simply accomplishing a goal, no matter how seemingly minor, can be energizing, says Domar.
Do some good. Acts of altruism can lend a little pep to your step. In fact, one study in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that volunteer work can boost your energy in six ways: It enhances happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, sense of control over life, physical health, and mood. Find short- and long-term volunteer opportunities at volunteermatch.org and charityguide.org.

When you have a lot to do (um...always), usually the first thing to get squeezed off your agenda is sleep. But miss out on shut-eye and your energy, positivity, productivity, and memory are sure to suffer. And nearly a quarter of American adults aren't getting enough rest, which has led to an epidemic of daytime sleepiness, according to a poll by the National Sleep Foundation. The key to bucking this trend is to brush up on sleep hygiene. Try these steps for starters.

Cut back on TV and computer time after 8 p.m. If you're already a night owl (you go to bed late and sleep in on weekends), the bright light emitted from television and computer screens can make falling asleep at a decent hour even harder. The reason: Light suppresses the production of melatonin, a hormone secreted at sunset that tells the brain that it's nighttime, explains John Herman, Ph.D., director of the training program in sleep medicine at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School at Dallas. And when melatonin levels are low, your brain is fooled into thinking that it's still daytime — and remains raring to go. Whenever possible, wait until the next morning to tune in and/or log on. If you must use light-emitting technology at night, try to turn it off an hour or two before hitting the sack.
Hide your alarm clock. Watching the clock to see how long it's taking you to drift off or how much time you have left before your alarm goes off can result in a poor night's sleep, says Kelly A. Carden, M.D., medical director of the Sleep Health Center Affiliated with Hallmark Health at Medford in Medford, MA. This hypervigilance keeps the brain awake and alert and prevents you from slipping into deep, restorative sleep. The easy fix: Set your alarm clock, then either face the numbers away from you or put it on the floor, in a drawer, or across the room.
Give your pet his own separate sleeping space. At night, pets snore, jiggle their tags, move around a lot, and even hog the covers and bed space. It's no wonder that 53 percent of pet owners who sleep with their pets in the bedroom have some type of disrupted sleep every night, according to a study from the Mayo Clinic Sleep Disorders Center in Rochester, MN. Consider relocating your furry friend's sleeping quarters to another area, even if it's just his own bed in your bedroom.
Lower the thermostat. For a good night's sleep, make sure your room is comfortably cool — enough so that you need a light blanket. This ensures that your environment is in sync with your body's internal temperature, which naturally drops during the night, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Studies suggest the ideal sleeping temperature is between 54 and 75 degrees; anything cooler or warmer may cause you to wake up.
Skip the nightcap. Alcohol depresses the nervous system — the system of cells, tissues, nerves, and organs that controls the body's responses to internal and external stimuli. So while sipping a glass of wine before bed may help you nod off, the sedative effects wear off as your body metabolizes the alcohol, which may cause you to wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep. Alcohol has also been shown to interfere with the body's natural 24-hour biorhythms, causing blood pressure to rise and heart rate to race at night when it's normally calm and relaxed. You don't have to give up that evening cocktail entirely to achieve sound sleep — just try to avoid alcohol within two to three hours of bedtime.
Get your exercise. While scientists don't yet understand why, aerobic exercise has been proved to help you fall asleep faster at bedtime, spend more hours in deep sleep, and wake up less often throughout the night, says Komaroff. At the same time, vigorous exercise can act like a stimulant (which is a great daytime energizer), so schedule your workouts in the morning or afternoon, when you need a boost the most.
Follow the 15-minute rule. If you can't fall asleep, or if you wake up and can't get back to sleep within about 15 minutes, get out of bed and do something relaxing that will help clear your head, such as reading, meditating, or knitting (but not watching TV or surfing the Web). Then, once you feel sleepy again, go back to bed. If you stay put and fret about being awake, you'll only make yourself more anxious — and less likely to catch the z's you need.
Write down your worries. During the day, jot down any stressors that are weighing on you, says Carden. Then, do some mental problem-solving before your head hits the pillow — or, if you're falling short on solutions, tuck your list away and resolve to brainstorm ideas during your morning shower or commute to work. Just knowing you've established a plan for tackling your to-do's will make you feel like you've made some progress, allowing you to relax, drift off — and wake up the next morning ready to take on the day.

We Tested and Reviewed the Latest Pick-Me-Uppers

H ₂ O Plus Energize Spa Collection: "I'm not sure if it was the citrus scent of the body wash and scrub or just the warm water, but I did feel more awake after my shower." (h2oplus.com)

TravelSox Odyssey socks: "I was skeptical, but I wore these socks during a five-hour flight, and they really made my legs feel more alive and less cramped than usual." (travelsox.com)

LifeWave Energy Enhancer patch: "It may have been psychosomatic (or what I ate for lunch), but after I put these on, my heart started to race and I felt queasy and sweaty." (lifewave.com)

FOOSH Energy Mints: "I enjoyed the strong, minty taste, but I didn't notice a significant difference in my energy. But I'm not sensitive to caffeine, which is the active ingredient." (vroomfoods.com)

G Pure Energy drink: "The ginger ale taste was nice, and while I wasn't ready to leap tall buildings, it gave me a second wind to tackle some work when I got home from the office." (gpureenergy.com)