How to Get More Friends

WebMD Feature from "Health" By Denene Millner

If friends are so good for us, why do we have few? Here’s how to get more.

It’s been almost two years since my family and I moved from New Jersey to the South in search of a more peaceful, more meaningful lifestyle. For the most part, we’ve found what we were looking for. Still, save for a few new acquaintances, I have about as many friends as a pimply-faced nerd on her first day of high school. I crave the camaraderie I shared with my girls up north.

I’m not alone. Recent research shows that adult Americans’ circle of friends has decreased by a third over the last 19 years. The problem isn’t just that we don’t have dinner dates; it’s that we don’t have people to turn to when we’re sick, when we’re stressed, or when we’re otherwise in crisis. We miss the health benefits of having a strong social network, which can do everything from boost your immune system to protect you from heart disease, cancer, depression, and anxiety, says Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore.

“People tend to think of friendship as something you fit in when all the important stuff is done,” she says. “But friends are not a luxury; they’re an essential nutrient.”

Here are five easy ways to make—and keep—the kind of friends who will make your life happy and healthy.

1 Talk to strangers.
You may have a lot in common with the person you see every day on the train. Angelou Ezeilo of Snellville, Georgia, struck up a conversation one day with fellow commuter Jennifer White and discovered that they both were three months pregnant with boys, had a mutual love for Southern cooking and interior design, and lived in the same neighborhood. A friendship was born.

2 Google your old best friend.
You may have fallen out of touch since graduation, but your former buddy might still have all the wonderful qualities that made you like her in the first place. “If she was a good friend before, she might be an even better friend now,” says Sally Horchow, co-author of The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections.

3 Host an each-one-bring-one party.
Ask a few friends each to invite someone you don’t know to a low-key evening of food and conversation. Dorothy Ashford of Cornelius, North Carolina, hosts this kind of gathering every Fourth of July. “I make sure that everyone connects with those they haven’t met,” she says. Try a fun icebreaker to get guests talking. Ashford suggests putting out a sign-in book so you can keep in touch with guests who tickled your fancy.

4 Make a friendship “date.”
If, for instance, a mom you chat with when you drop your kids off at school mentions she likes cooking, invite her to a local cooking class where the two of you can learn a new dish—and dish!—together. It’s a no-pressure way to take a passing acquaintance to the next level.

5 Do something new
Try something you love, so you can meet others who love it, too. Join a group, and you’re bound to find potential friends you can bond with over similar interests. “You’ll be seeing the same faces over and over, so your introduction is not quite so cold,” author Marla Paul says. Or simply change your routine. For example, Horchow suggests, instead of eating lunch by yourself at work, one day a week join co-workers you’d like to know better